Loneliness getting to me

[Hasie]

Hi everyone,

I migrated to Australia 10 years ago. We had no friends or family here. We were Mormons. We went to church here and made friends with Mormons. Few years in I lost my faith. I was vocal about it and lost many friends. We moved away. My family are all Mormons. They also started ostracizing me in the little online contact I had with them. They ignore me now. After I left Mormonism I still believed in God. I prayed and read the Bible. I did not trust churches anymore. So I followed the Bible. My husband and I started having dreams about babies. We thought God wanted us to have more children. We already had three children and did not want more but believed God would bless us if we obeyed. We decided to try for a baby. We fell pregnant with twins. After I fell pregnant my husband was working on the gas projects and earned a good salary. He started having dreams about his job being unsafe. Eventually, we decided that maybe God wanted him to leave his job. We decided to trust God. My husband left his job. He took on some contracting work for a while, but that ended. Then he found a more permanent job but it paid about half of what he used to earn. We had the twins and moved state for my husband's new job. Before we moved I kept reading the verses in the Bible suggesting that we should sell all we had and follow Jesus. We thought God had a purpose for us with this move and we got rid of almost everything we had. When we moved into our new house we had no beds, no lounge set, no TV, no toys for our kids, no dining room table etc. After about 6 months of sleeping on the floor with twin babies who kept me up all night and did not sleep much during the day, I had it. I told God I could not keep doing this. I thought I heard God say, "Exactly". I was so angry. It felt like God deliberately let me drown myself in things I did not want, to find out that the Bible was BS too. After researching more into Christianity I realized I had been duped a second time and literally threw my life and my children's lives away for a myth. We had to go into debt to get furniture again. So we are suffering financially I cannot afford to put my babies in daycare to work, not that I have any skills. I am exhausted, have no help, have so much anger over this, cannot get myself to do any housework, exercise, eat healthily or do things with my kids, I have no motivation. My marriage is suffering, my children are suffering and so I am. I cannot go on.

[Donte]

Hello Hasie,

Welcome to the multicultural experiences forum. Thank you for taking that step to tell your story and share your experiences in this safe and non-judgemental forum. I hope this will be a positive experience for you and you'll get to work out the issues that perplex you while talking with others in the same or similar boat.

I'd like to assure you that you are not alone.

My story also, is very similar with yours. My family are Seventh-Day Adventists and we came to Australia sponsored by the church as my dad is a Minister. Our migration to Australia was as a 'missionary' status. My dad was planting churches and working for the mission.

Like you, I also realised a couple of decades later that church wasn't for me. Initially, I worshipped in various other denominations until I gradually left all of them behind. I still believed in god and searched various eastern philosophies and new age beliefs. In my mid thirties I concluded that god is not a factual reality and there is no concrete evidence for his/hers/theirs existence.

This is when I started turning my life around and reinventing my reality in eagerness to be authentic and true to myself. In the process, I lost friends, family, lifestyle and most things I was holding dear up to that point.

Church was such a big part of my life since birth. It was all I knew. Suddenly, I felt alone. And with no 'safety net' to hold me if I fall. It was scary. It was disolutioning. It took me years of reading, attending support groups, counselling etc before I could create my own purpose and live a meaningful life again.

Today I know that is no rationale or logic attached to faith. It's a belief not a fact. And the impact that faith can have into people's lives (like you have so accurately demonstrated in your story), can be so devastating that clearly the damage is much greater than any good that faith may do.

All I can say is that despite the current hardships that you are enduring, it is much worth it as in the process you have awaken and you know now that you can only trust yourself for your choices and the consequences of these.

How liberating and exciting to pave your own path. To not be afraid of punishment or awaiting reward but rather live a genuine life following your heart, mind and gut feeling. You are free.X

[stormcloudz]

Hi Hasie

I just wanted to welcome you and express my sympathy for your difficult time. It's difficult to lose your faith, and feeling lonely and under financial pressure is difficult too.

I am glad you came onto this forum to share your story and get some support.

[Hasie]

Thank you for your reply Donte'

I was really scared to read the reply's I got, because most people I told about my misfortunes have been very unsympathetic and blame me for the poor life choices I made. It hurts me so badly, because I only told them to warn them and get them to understand why I am being negative toward religion. I totally agree with you that it is much better to live life free of religion and the mental bondage that go with it. I am very happy about the fact that I no longer have to submit to a God and that I can live my life, my way, but the life choices we made before this knowledge came about actually just put us in a physical bondage that is unbearable right now and would continue to be so for many years ahead. If we are ever able to recover from this. I am just glad that I am not the only one who has experienced the cruel side of religion. Thank you again for your response.

[Hasie]

Thank you so much for your reply. I appreciate your warm welcoming.

[Donte]

Hi Hasie,

I’m glad you have reached out in this forum for support and sharing your reality.

When we are overwhelmed by life’s tribulations we can become insulant and unable to deal with the world and others around us. We already feel down. We don’t need others to judge us or make us feel worse.

It is totally understandable to isolate ourselves during these times so we can think, reflect, mourn the losses and go through the motions. This is necessary in order for us to be able to regain our strength and decide our next step.

It is also normal and common to feel that the damage is irreversible and that we will never recover. Yet, Recovery is a slow and gradual process and every little bit helps - including talking about our situation and sharing with others who may have experienced similar journeys.

Fifteen years ago, when I left the church and abandoned my faith in god, I went through a divorce, a bankruptcy, loss of properties, income, and got diagnosed with a life-limiting illness.

Back then, I thought I’d be dead in a few years. I was depressed, terrified, alone, and couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Fastforward to today, and here I am, working on a new, satisfying career, having new cars and apartment, a life that is mostly fulfilling and purposeful and my health hasn’t been a major issue as I thought it would be!

Not only I’m here still, but I enjoy my life, despite the losses and the hardships. I have a healthy, loving and caring daughter whom I raised, still living with me, seeing her flourishing in her studies and work and having become an independent young lady who makes me proud to be her dad.

Not everything is set in stone. Despite our current situation, things always change. There’s always something waiting around the corner and we create our reality each day at a time.

In this time of hardship, I’d ask for as much help as I could get. Talk to a doctor. Get free or subsidized counseling sessions, look at medical interventions to manage depression, forgive yourself for anything that you may feel you have done to deserve this, and start taking tiny steps, each day, working with whatever you have in your hands right now.

You are not alone. You have your children and your partner who seems to be understanding and on the same page with you. Together hold hands and cry, laugh, scream, sing and dance! Together. You are here.

And you will look back one day surprised if your achievements! Trust yourself and each other! X

[Hasie]

Donte'

It is comforting to know that you have been through so much and came out on the other side a happy an fulfilled individual. I might have to talk to you about that bankruptcy concept because I'm beginning to think that may be our only solution to or financial trouble. If you have any advice in that regard.

[Donte]

Hello Hasie,

My story is not unique. You'll find many who have been through similar situations and came out alive and happy on the other side.

My bankruptcy lasted seven years. During that period I couldn't have any credit cards or get loans. After that period it all got cleared. The latest loan I got for my new business this year was instantly approved and no questions asked.

Each case is separate of course and I couldn't advise you on what to do. I saw a Financial Advisor at the time, and upon examining my circumstances and the loans/credit/properties etc we had at the time he advised me that it would be beneficial for me if I was to go bankrupt. It was a good way for me to clear up all the accumulated debts and start afresh.