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Chris_B Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section, a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. beyondblue acknowledges and respects the diversity of communities across Australia, including Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islande... View more

Hi everyone, Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section, a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. beyondblue acknowledges and respects the diversity of communities across Australia, including Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people as the First Australians. beyondblue also recognises the complexities of identity and that people may identify with more than one community. Depression, anxiety and suicide can affect any of us at any time – regardless of our culture or background. We also know that a range of factors can make it harder for people in some communities to seek and access support. This section is for members born overseas, are the children of parents born overseas, have a language other than English as your primary language, or come from a family with mixed cultural heritage. Please be aware that posts in this forum may contain discussions of suicide, self-harm and/or traumatic life events. As per our community rules, please be mindful when posting about the level of detail you share on these topics as it can be upsetting for other members. We look forward to hearing your stories. Become a Multicultural Correspondent Are you from a culturally and linguistically diverse (CALD) background? Are you interested in being a regular contributor to this section? We are seeking members who will actively participate in discussions and start up new threads on topics of interest to CALD communities (6-10 quality posts per week). Please get in touch with our team to discuss.

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Donte When you suddenly see someone from the past and makes you realise no one wants to turn back...
  • replies: 1

I used to have a close friend with whom we lost touch a few years back...life got on the way and we both went our separate ways. Today I happen to bumped into him down the street. It was so bizarre and out of context. We took a look at each other and... View more

I used to have a close friend with whom we lost touch a few years back...life got on the way and we both went our separate ways. Today I happen to bumped into him down the street. It was so bizarre and out of context. We took a look at each other and once we realised who each other is, time seemed to stand still for a while. What to say after all these years? He had just come out of a psychiatric unit of a hospital. He had been in prison too, he told me! I am coming out of a deep grief after losing my partner five years ago. Last time he had seen me I was still married...and in the closet...Last time I had seen him he was just getting a divorce...battling for access to be able to see his three children... We decided to go for a drink and lifting my glass I said 'cheers'... He looked for a job in a thousand places apparently. And everywhere they've been asking for references, experience... But upon taking a look at his medical history, they'd reject him without giving him a chance to explain. And at first he had said, 'fine', and looked for job somewhere else. And elsewhere just the same again, and again. But he'd been way unlucky, cause the times are hard. And now people are living on less and less and he had an exit paper from prison and mental asylum. And you know most people cannot handle that... And each night when it would go dark, the fever would set in. Torturing him through summer and winter. And it's a huge torture this dirty habit he'd been taught in prison. He long for the white powder, you know it's not his fault...fires burning his body. And he'd been patient because he'd been afraid of returning to the cell. Welcoming loneliness and the chipped paint that kept falling like snowflakes, from the ceiling. I know he'd been suffering for long now, it's evident he's missed the white powder, and he told me he won't go back there anymore. He's sick and tired of the white nights, he said. He wants to live, like a human being again...

Donte Swearing on another language. How do you respond?
  • replies: 4

My daughter returned from work today and told me an incident that happened with a customer. While serving some older person at the chemist she asked if he’d like a bag. The man nodded ‘yes’ and simultaneously exclaimed a rude swear word to her in Gre... View more

My daughter returned from work today and told me an incident that happened with a customer. While serving some older person at the chemist she asked if he’d like a bag. The man nodded ‘yes’ and simultaneously exclaimed a rude swear word to her in Greek. (Not knowing that she understands some Greek eventhough she can’t speak, read or write). When she told him that’s not very nice, he got offended and startled that she understood Greek, left the shop angrily. Later on he returned to the shop and demanded a refund while returning his items and carried on about respect and that a young girl shouldn’t answer back to a man, especially an older man. (The demand and expectation of respect solely on the basis of being a man and/or old is customary in Greek culture as in many other patriarchal cultures). My daughter had an anxiety attack and almost collapsed as she suffers from panic, anxiety and depression. The other staff and her manager fully supported her and reassured her she’s done the right thing to not let this man talk to her in such a manner and using profanities. The customers watching were on her side too. The man was asked to leave the shop and told he is no longer welcomed to shop there as language as such (swearing) is not tolerated even if it wasn’t expressed in English! My daughter wanted to know if this is a customary thing in Greece: older men to demand respect and treat younger girls like rubbish. I told her that it is very common but despite this, she’s done the right thing to pick on it and nail it. If profanities and rude put downs are not accepted in the shop by English-speaking customers, they shouldn’t be tolerated in other languages also. The same principle applies universally. I asked her to find out from her manager what is the policy in regards to other languages and if she was meant to ignore the remark or pick on it like she did. Also, I told her to ask her Russian, Polish, Ethiopian, Chinese, Spanish and Turkish colleagues how do they deal with a situation like this. What would you have done if you suffered from mental illness, distress, anxiety, depression, panic attacks and you were faced with a situation like this? Is it better to talk and stand up for what’s right or better to remain silent and pretend you don’t understand the language? Is it any different to someone swearing at you and putting you down in English? Does the fact that the man didn’t know that she can understand him make a difference? What’s your thoughts?

Surv1vor After 3 years of living with mentally-ill people, not sure if properly healed or just suppressing PTSD
  • replies: 1

Hi all! Some background information: I was an international student, living away from home for the first time. When I first arrived in Australia, I attended a regular university. I tended to notice the lonely people on the edges of crowds and tried t... View more

Hi all! Some background information: I was an international student, living away from home for the first time. When I first arrived in Australia, I attended a regular university. I tended to notice the lonely people on the edges of crowds and tried to include them (I used to be that person sometimes, when I was a shy kid). Unfortunately,those people tended to have mental disorders and started stalking me. My first stalker was a pathological liar; my friends and I all found him very annoying, but we didn't realise each other's feelings toward him and thought everyone else was being really patient with him (we were all just gritting our teeth and being nice). He once forced his way into my college room at 11:15 p.m. (after I had told him sternly to stay away from me because I had chicken pox, but he insisted he wanted to hug me and catch the pox so he could have his exams postponed too). Fortunately my then-boyfriend rang at that very moment and later my friend down the hall helped evict him. Anyway, after 4 years of various stalkers (who generally were at various church events I attended, and my friends knew to watch out for them and protect me), I graduated from my first degree with no lasting ill-effects. Then I embarked on a second degree (one I actually wanted to study, not one my mother forced me into), at a college with many home-schooled students from remote country areas and dysfunctional families, and all hell broke loose. The main things which affected me were: 1) A toxic "relationship" with a possessive, emotionally and verbally abusive younger male who exhibited all the symptoms of covert narcissism. One week he sent me 200-over text messages claiming he wanted to kill himself over an essay. He said things like "You're the only person in the world who cares about me" and "You're my only friend", which made me feel trapped. He also became angry when a couple of other guys exhibited interest in me (though they were merely having a friendly chat), and he would glare at them. When I asked him about it, he claimed he was protecting me from them. Unfortunately I was like a frog being slowly boiled to death; things started out pretty innocently and by the time intense emotional manipulation was occurring, I couldn't see a way out. /1 to be continued

MatildaG I need help. What can I do?
  • replies: 4

Hi, I am from Colombia but have been living in Australia with my boyfriend for a year. I have struggle with depression and anxiety since I was 12. Back in Colombia I used to be on meds and had help from my family, I went to a psychiatrist on and off ... View more

Hi, I am from Colombia but have been living in Australia with my boyfriend for a year. I have struggle with depression and anxiety since I was 12. Back in Colombia I used to be on meds and had help from my family, I went to a psychiatrist on and off for many years. But I got tired of taking pills because I always felt numb and distant from everything that was going around. I thought I was getting better.. but I wasn't I just began to cope with that with food. Since I met my partner, 3 years ago, life changed for me. I love him and he makes me very happy but at the same time being with him gives me a lot of anxiety. He is my first long term and serious relationship. When we decided to move to Australia, he's Aussie, I was scared I thought i could change all my bad habits to cope but they just got out of control. So i began also to feel depressed and so disappointed of myself because I thought I could begin a new life here... without all that sadness and fears that always are in my life. Recently everything got worse. I feel absolutely sad and anxious all the same time .. I don't have friends or anyone here that I can ask for help besides my partner, and I don't want to scare my family in Colombia because my depression has been the center of the family for to long now. I need help. I feel I have reached my limit I need to talk i need to tell someone ... what can i do? I have been feeling so down that I don't want to look for job or help or anything. I cant focus in anything i try to sleep all the time and when my partner comes i just try to look happy, recently i cant get out of my head that i tould be a good options to just kill myself... . But today I decided that I really want to get better.. i cannot let my life continue ling without me. what options do i have?

Donte What do you think of the multicultural mental health page of the main beyondblue website?
  • replies: 23

Hi all, If you are from a culturally and linguistically diverse background and haven't browsed through the multicultural mental health page of the main beyondblue website, please take a moment to do so. If you have looked at it in the past, would you... View more

Hi all, If you are from a culturally and linguistically diverse background and haven't browsed through the multicultural mental health page of the main beyondblue website, please take a moment to do so. If you have looked at it in the past, would you please visit it again and have a fresh look? Beyondblue is hoping to revamp this page with better information and user friendly tools, and are wanting to provide information on various topics such as those listed below: -the importance of seeking support -demystify the language by using positive mental health terms -clarify ideas around mental health conditions to make aware that this is common and can be supported in many different ways -use language on the site that won’t turn people off such as worry, frustrations etc rather than ‘mental health illness’ I'd like to consult with you and ask you to have a look at the site and provide feedback on this thread as to what you think would be useful and helpful to be included on there. Let's all work together to make this site a more user-friendly for people from culturally and linguistically diverse backgrounds and maximize its usage. Please let me know what you think. Let's share ideas and discuss. [Mod note: this post has been updated to include a link to the page being referred to]

Donte How do we engage with people who don’t speak English and are not computer literate?
  • replies: 7

This morning I bumped onto one of my neighbors who is elderly and non-English speaking. We usually gesture hello to each other but our communication is very limited due to language differences. She hardly speaks any English and her disabled son lives... View more

This morning I bumped onto one of my neighbors who is elderly and non-English speaking. We usually gesture hello to each other but our communication is very limited due to language differences. She hardly speaks any English and her disabled son lives with her. I’m assuming that she’s his carer. After some basic gestures and smiles we once again went our separate ways. (We met in the lift of our apartment block). Upon getting into my car to leave for work the following thoughts were triggered in my mind and I’d like to hear your views on these: How do we increase awareness of mental illness and reduce stigma and misunderstanding within culturally and linguistically diverse communities? How do we introduce the notion of recovery from mental illness and increase awareness of the support services for non-English speaking people and their families or carers? How do we improve access to information in a variety of languages and available support services within the diverse communities? How can we engage communities who don’t access computers and internet and develop people’s interest and participation in the delivery of education around mental health and well-being? How do we provide confidential space similar to these forums for carers and families to express themselves and share their experiences if they don’t access the internet and won’t visit this website? If you have any ideas please share...

Donte When your husbands goes on a holiday to your home country and marries another woman.
  • replies: 3

I have a friend who is from Sudan. The other day when I saw her she was distressed and asked for help. Her sister's husband took their children on a holiday back to their home country. In one of their telephone communications there was loud music, co... View more

I have a friend who is from Sudan. The other day when I saw her she was distressed and asked for help. Her sister's husband took their children on a holiday back to their home country. In one of their telephone communications there was loud music, commotion and lots of noise in the background, so the mother asked the daughter what was going on. Reluctantly the daughter told her that her dad just got married to another woman and they are at the wedding reception. In their culture is not illegal, neither uncommon for a man to marry many wives. My friend wants to help her sister who's filling for divorce and doesn't want to see her husband ever again upon his return to Australia. I gave her the Legal Aid number and the Family Mediation Centre. Not sure what else to do. Anyone from a similar background has experienced of something like this? How would you help? The poor woman is apparently so distressed, has lost her sleep and appetite and according to my friend she is a wreck.

Donte Do you remember? Childhood trauma and current feelings...
  • replies: 2

No matter what background we’re coming from, we are all aware of the fact that any sort of emotional or mental abuse can leave long-term effects on the mental and emotional health. Research has also proven that if this trauma is experienced during ch... View more

No matter what background we’re coming from, we are all aware of the fact that any sort of emotional or mental abuse can leave long-term effects on the mental and emotional health. Research has also proven that if this trauma is experienced during childhood, it leads to even more severe consequences. Often children believe that they are the problem. The cause. So, they internalize this and are impacted for the duration of their life. It is very common, as I’m sure many of you can testify, when the other person convinces you that everything is your fault, no matter what happens. Children grow up with the burden of this enormous weight inside them. According to psychologists, it is completely normal to disassociate after such emotional abuse, and it later leads to anxiety disorders. Children with at least one parent who is emotionally abusive are especially prone to anxiety. These people are actually high-functioning, and good manipulators. When caught in bad behavior, they can skillfully find a way to talk themselves out of trouble, and turn the entire situation around. My mother has been a perfect example of this. This endless cycle of abuse confuses the victims, especially children, as they feel that things are not right, but cannot find a solution as they are not equipped in such a young age to respond appropriately. It is a very common thing to believe our abusers are actually nice people for long. After all, we love them. They are our parents or siblings or relatives and other trusted significant others. We know now that verbal abuse can cause significant psychological problems in later years including anxiety, depression, anger-hostility, and dissociation. Early childhood sexual abuse, physical abuse, and even witnessing domestic violence, have been shown to cause abnormal physical changes in the brain of children, with lasting effects, that predisposes the child to develop psychological disorders. Therefore, if you have been abused in any way in your childhood, remember that it is NOT your fault. You need to be patient with yourself, and you will eventually become a stronger person, as time will recover the damage. But this in itself is not enough. You need to talk about it. Share your story. Seek support. BeyondBlue and other organizations offer Counselling, advice, advocacy and referral services. Please don’t be afraid to reach out for your own sake.

Donte Cause you gotta have faith!
  • replies: 7

Every day we do certain things in complete faith and trust. From the moment we open our eyes upon waking up, we trust that the sun has risen in the morning. We get out of bed and trust we can still walk, find our shoes, have the ability to get dresse... View more

Every day we do certain things in complete faith and trust. From the moment we open our eyes upon waking up, we trust that the sun has risen in the morning. We get out of bed and trust we can still walk, find our shoes, have the ability to get dressed etc. We turn on the tap and trust that there’s water. We turn on the kettle to make coffee in the belief and assurance that we have electricity. Upon getting into our car we believe it will be working perfectly and take us to work or wherever we need to go. We get in lifts, use escalators, turn on computers and trust the internet is functioning etc. We trust that our partner will still love us and our employer will still need us. We believe we are useful and needed and valued. We may not actively think about those things as we take them for granted and as ‘given’, however, the reality is that it takes an element of belief and trust to do anything at all. When it comes to managing issues that affect our mental or physical health, it too takes trust that our medications will do their job, the counseling will help, the books we read will support us, the groups we attend will help us. Nothing happens without our input. We wouldn’t move if we didn’t believe that we can go forward. Challenging cultural and religious beliefs and traditions and questioning, analyzing and evaluating their usefulness and function in our lives and recovery is important in order to move forward and is often necessary and pivotal to our wellbeing. What notions have helped you to hold on to things you believe in and see as granted, and assisted you in navigating the complexities of life, and which others did you had to deconstruct in order to remove the hindrances that made you emotionally, spiritually, psychologically stuck and unable to grow? Has your family, friends, colleagues, and your immediate as well as the wider environment helped you or knocked you over again and again?

Nameless12 decission on living with my boyfriend and his parents.. what should i do ?
  • replies: 7

Hi, im 25 years old now, currently living in Australia, Its a bit complicated now, since I'm an overseas student staying in Australia me and my boyfriend been in the relationship for about 1 and a half year. he's a wonderful guy he loves his parents ... View more

Hi, im 25 years old now, currently living in Australia, Its a bit complicated now, since I'm an overseas student staying in Australia me and my boyfriend been in the relationship for about 1 and a half year. he's a wonderful guy he loves his parents and his family a lot. me and him currently living together because of the visa status that i needed to extend the visa in Australia. I'm only doing this for him, I love living in my country i have my families there, friends and i can do alot more traveling in my own country, but I'm staying here only for him. he's coming from Asian families that just got to Australia years ago as well. so his parents (mom especially) is old-fashioned. sometimes i cant stand the way she talk and also she wanted me to do alot of house stuff, i affraid in the future if i live with them ill be stressed out alot... especially when i have alot of things going on now, im working as a casual worker and in the afternoon ill go to school and im freelancing at night time to earn extra cash all i do is for my boyfriend.. im happy with where we're now but im not sure if living with his parents will affect our relationship... he said he wanted to take care of his family in the future but I wish to live separated from his parents because its really stressing me out even tho I ever stayed over several times on his parent's house for the weekend only. we'r pretty much broke at the moment but surviving with renting at the same time and we can eat properly. we shared the cooking and cleaning. life is great.. but his parents keep saying that its too expensive to rent out. but i feel fine with renting. i only want our relationship only stay with us but if his parents are involved I'm not sure where is this gonna go... i really really love him so much but i don't want to leave him. the tough of leaving him makes me really sad. he's such a wonderful guy... in the future he's planning to move back to his parent's house because one of his brothers is moving out soon. i wanted him to think about him self as well. hes doing it only for his parents not for himself he's selfless. but I wish he can do better by living seperated from his parents. its not like we wouldn't be going to see his parents, we always come on the weekend now to visit them.. he has his little brother in the house but he feel like its gonna be quiet.. what should i do?