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Chris_B Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section, a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. beyondblue acknowledges and respects the diversity of communities across Australia, including Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islande... View more

Hi everyone, Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section, a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. beyondblue acknowledges and respects the diversity of communities across Australia, including Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people as the First Australians. beyondblue also recognises the complexities of identity and that people may identify with more than one community. Depression, anxiety and suicide can affect any of us at any time – regardless of our culture or background. We also know that a range of factors can make it harder for people in some communities to seek and access support. This section is for members born overseas, are the children of parents born overseas, have a language other than English as your primary language, or come from a family with mixed cultural heritage. Please be aware that posts in this forum may contain discussions of suicide, self-harm and/or traumatic life events. As per our community rules, please be mindful when posting about the level of detail you share on these topics as it can be upsetting for other members. We look forward to hearing your stories. Become a Multicultural Correspondent Are you from a culturally and linguistically diverse (CALD) background? Are you interested in being a regular contributor to this section? We are seeking members who will actively participate in discussions and start up new threads on topics of interest to CALD communities (6-10 quality posts per week). Please get in touch with our team to discuss.

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Donte Were you aloud to be yourself while growing up? How about now?
  • replies: 3

I, like many other children grew up in a culture and an era where I wasn't aloud to speak. Having an opinion and questioning authority was punishable at home and at school. During my primary school years we had a military government and everything wa... View more

I, like many other children grew up in a culture and an era where I wasn't aloud to speak. Having an opinion and questioning authority was punishable at home and at school. During my primary school years we had a military government and everything was regulated heavily - the news, the tv, the educaation, information, even the time we were aloud to be out on the streets etc. I remember soldiers with guns in their hands standing in every corner of our city. It was shameful and disrespectful to answer back or wanting to know; having an opinion. People used to be imprisoned or sentenced for that! My voice wasn't heard. I was beaten with my father's leather belt often and sent to bed hungry simply because I needed to know. 'Silence is golden' my mother would say. Sshh... When I was crying or laughed or talked at the table or played I was told off for making noise. At school I was often punished and had to do detention or the teachers would ask me to stand in front of the whole class and beat me with a ruler or pull me by the hair because I was talking too much. All of my life I was told what to think, not how to think. "Mind your own business and stay out of trouble' my father would say. When I started work, again, head down and 'do as you are told' was the message I got from my bosses and colleagues. When I got married and had a child; my wife and my mother early on started teaching the same principles to my daughter. The message was clear, 'don't ask too much. Stay out of the way'. You see generation after generation everyone seemed to declare: 'Pretend you didn't see anything. It's better this way.' So we had a mouth but no voice. I grew up, succeeded in my studies, reached high goals; received medals and rewards, bought property, lived a great lifestyle but the message was always the same: 'Don't speak. Don't say a word!' Well, it took me almost four decades but finally one day I decided enough is enough and not only I started to speak my mind, but I actually shouted, screamed with all my strength and might: I AM ALOUD! What's your experience growing up in the era and place that you did? Has this impacted you negatively? Have you done something about it?

Thala Trauma in new Country due to situations at new workplace. How to turn thoughts into positive ones?
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone This is my first time posting on a forum ever. I want to share a tough experience during my new life in Australia. I arrived 2 years ago. Once I got a job in my field (it was my dream) I began to struggle a lot with the language and havin... View more

Hi everyone This is my first time posting on a forum ever. I want to share a tough experience during my new life in Australia. I arrived 2 years ago. Once I got a job in my field (it was my dream) I began to struggle a lot with the language and having very strong anxiety sensation. I was supposed to speak English very well as I’ve studied enough, I could express myself easily outside with others but as I’d get to the office my second language was forgotten and I’d pretend to understand everything pretty well making myself confused and making heaps of mistakes at work. Waking up every single to work at the begining was an amazing experience, but by the time my mind was full of thoughts, fears and insecureness up to the point avoidance social situations appeared. I worked in there for 1 year and a half struggling every day with these thoughts and fears. Last project I worked with a guy from a European country who was kind of bully so my situation went worse. I was sacked, I lost my job. Nowadays, every time I visit the city, my negative memories and thoughts take me over up to the point I don’t like this city anymore, I’m afraid to find another job in my field (Do I still love my major? Yes I do) what happens is that I’m scared to return to the office environment. And because of the situations with the European guy, I started to hate people from that specific country which is something that I need to overcome as I know I shouldn’t stereotype. How can I turn over all these deppresive sensations to make them positive and encouraging in order to start everything over without any fear? Any tips or suggestions? Thanks for your time reading my post.

Donte What are your support networks? Who would you ask for help in a time of need?
  • replies: 5

Sometimes when we are suffering mental anguish, anxiety, fear, hopelessness and stress we may not be in a position to ask for help. Often cultural notions, gender, age, beliefs and childhood experiences/upbringing can be barriers to accessing availab... View more

Sometimes when we are suffering mental anguish, anxiety, fear, hopelessness and stress we may not be in a position to ask for help. Often cultural notions, gender, age, beliefs and childhood experiences/upbringing can be barriers to accessing available supports. People from culturally and linguistically diverse backgrounds may have less supports in their lives that they can draw upon, people to trust and open up to etc as their families and loved ones may live overseas. Language, fear, isolation, long distances - having all your relatives live overseas, not knowing how to meet new people and make friendships or keep them in this different cultural and linguistic setting; working long hours and being physically exhausted and unable to socialise and invest in friendships or not having anyone important around is the way things are for many people today. Asking for help, opening up, being vulnerable and discussing what worries you is hard enough to do in your own language. Imagine if you had to translate all this into another language and/or ask an interpreter to be present and translate for you when you talk to a doctor or other health professional about the most intimate and difficult things. Not everyone can be strong enough to do this. Many just bury their pain in silence and/or drink themselves to forget. For many the only support network could be this website (if they are among the lucky ones who can read English and navigate the Internet (and having access). But as 39% of our population aged over 65 yo are from non-English speaking backgrounds and the majority hasn't finished primary school in their country of origin and neither do have access to computers or internet, we can't really fathom how their reality living with mental illness could be, even if we tried. What are your support networks? Who would you ask for help in a time of need?

ssmx Feeling empty and hopeless
  • replies: 6

G'day, I am very new to this and I have never talked to anyone about this before. A little bit about me: I am 26YO, originally from middle east - a country where being gay is punishable by death. I am happily partnered but I live away from my partner... View more

G'day, I am very new to this and I have never talked to anyone about this before. A little bit about me: I am 26YO, originally from middle east - a country where being gay is punishable by death. I am happily partnered but I live away from my partner since I work overseas in Singapore at the moment. I am not out to my family but I'm out to everyone else. I am fairly confident and comfortable about my sexuality and I'm not in denial, I just don't want to hurt my parents who live overseas in Iran by telling them. I am not even sure if how I'm feeling is related to my sexuality at all. I have gone through a lot in my life, including living away from family, breaking up with a long term partner, and having a serious injury due to an accident, experiencing chronic back pain for years (Which is better now, I exercise very often and I am in very good physical shape. ) I used to have a positive perspective about life, I was usually pretty happy and an extraverted person who loved meeting people and enjoyed life very much. For 3-4 years now, I feel like I don't enjoy life as much as I used to. I get angry and lose my temper over small stuff and I don't enjoy the things and activities that I used to love. I find it very hard to meet new people or talk to people, something that I was very good at before. I feel negative and pessimistic about everything and I see the worst in every situation. Even about my closest friends and partner/family. I feel like life is meaningless and everything is pointless, and I feel like most people are just assholes. I feel hopeless and empty most of the time. Nowadays I hate crowds so even being in a bar/night club makes me nervous and anxious. on rare occasions, I feel like everything would have been easier if I wasn't alive. I was exactly the opposite of this a few years ago. I feel like I have achieved everything that I dreamt of a decade ago. Living in Australia, somewhere that I could really be myself, having an extremely successful career, and being in good financial position, and found a very nice man to call my partner. But even most of my dreams coming true doesn't make me happy. I know I am experiencing signs of anxiety and depression, but I don't know how to get help. I am even pessimistic about talking to a professional about this as I feel they'll just put me on happy pills that won't help and will just get me hooked on. I was hoping to get some help/guidance in here or being pointed to the right direction.

Donte Women from diverse backgrounds trapped in abusive relationships not knowing where to seek help.
  • replies: 14

Tonight has been one of the many nights that my neighbors have been fighting and even though I cannot understand their language it has been so distressing that I had to called the police once again. This is a regular occurence. Things quieten a bit f... View more

Tonight has been one of the many nights that my neighbors have been fighting and even though I cannot understand their language it has been so distressing that I had to called the police once again. This is a regular occurence. Things quieten a bit for a while and then the violence starts again. The police arrives regularly next door. Everyone knows about this and sometimes the neighbors may talk about it but the mother of two who doesn't speak English hardly talks to anyone and no one really knows how to help her apart from calling 000 when things get very bad. Many women are trapped in abusive marriages for decades before finally fleeing from their controlling partners. This happens in every culture and all religious and socioeconomic spheres. However, when women come from patriarchal, male-dominated cultures and religious backgrounds were they are viewed as 'helpers' or lesser than their husbands, then it can be much harder for them, and may take much longer to leave and end the relationship. If they don't speak English and depend on their partners for financial support then simply can't afford to leave. Many remain in marriages that are toxic, for many years as they believe it is god's will or in their children’s best interests. It is a great shock to go from being financially secure to homeless. Sadly, this situation is one echoed in countless households across the country within every community, with many women in toxic relationships facing an agonising dilemma — stay and face more abuse, or leave and face judgement and persecution from your own community, and poverty and homelessness. People stay in marriages for different reasons, but everyone gets a financial reality check when they separate. Non-English speaking women in abusive and violent relationships may find it harder to leave but despite the hardship there are a range of support services available to them, including the police multicultural liaison officers, Relationships Australia, women’s shelters, churches and women’s legal services. According to White Ribbon Australia, one in three women have experienced physical and/or sexual violence at the hands of someone they know, and one woman is killed per week by a current or former partner in Australia today, while domestic and family violence is the main cause of homelessness in women and children. If you or someone you love is impacted by sexual assault or family violence, call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732). In an emergency, call 000.

Donte How do you respond to someone who says ‘that’s how my parents did so that’s how I do’
  • replies: 12

Often we do certain things, hold particular beliefs and thinking patterns that may not be entirely ours. We all pick up processes and copy others, especially during our formative years when we haven’t formed opinions and still learn about many things... View more

Often we do certain things, hold particular beliefs and thinking patterns that may not be entirely ours. We all pick up processes and copy others, especially during our formative years when we haven’t formed opinions and still learn about many things. During those first years and our schooling we are like spounges, absorbing information, filling it in our brains, developing nuropathways faster than in any other time of our lives and usually get highly influenced by our immediate environment - parents, significant others etc. Of course each child is also exposed to thousands of hours of brainwashing by the media just by watching tv and playing video games prior to even reaching preschool age. We are all born like an empty canvas. No ideas. No beliefs. No prejudices. No influences apart from some genetic predispositions and recognizing the voice of our mother and father and certain sounds that have been dominant in the environment prior to our birth. Then we get ‘attacked’ by the oversaturation of messages, information, knowledge etc that makes us who we are. But do we stop there? Are we just that byproduct of our environmental influences? Where do our choice comes from? How and when do we become aloud to question? To break away from the mould? Are we forever bound to our linguistic, cultural and religious limitations and content to not grow beyond that point? When I hear people say ‘that’s how I was brought up’, it makes me think: ‘So do I. But I moved away from that as I grew up and formed my own opinions and ideas and beliefs’. Isn’t this our duty as adults? If we didn’t break away and explored different methods, ideas, ways of thinking and believing we would still live in caves without electricity or cars or clothes etc. I understand the importance of cultural, linguistic and spiritual heritage as it connects us with a particular group of people (usually the one we grew up in), however, I believe it is our duty as individuals and collectively as each generation matures to challenge, hold accountable and question notions that stop us from growing up. Anything that perpetuates stigma, stereotypes, discrimination, marginalization of individuals or groups of people should be put under a spotlight and examined thoroughly. This is particularly relevant to mental illness and attitudes that prevail from the past. So how do we do that?

pastapat So lost, and lonely, in limbo with separation
  • replies: 16

Hi, I'm new here. I just need someone to listen and maybe advice. I'm all alone in this country now. I caught my husband cheating with someone online and he moved out. I have no other family here since I moved here to be with him. I feel so hurt and ... View more

Hi, I'm new here. I just need someone to listen and maybe advice. I'm all alone in this country now. I caught my husband cheating with someone online and he moved out. I have no other family here since I moved here to be with him. I feel so hurt and betrayed how he could through away 15 years for someone online that he's never even met. I feel in limbo. He hasn't filed for a divorce and we see each other sometimes and sometimes he is so sweet and acts like he wants to get back together and then he'll act so hateful and block me and hardly speak to me. I have no friends here. I've been dealing with depression and anxiety and am being treated for it. I think about going out to meetups and things but without a car and no transport in the evening, it makes it hard to do anything without at least an hour an public transport each way. I tried going back to my home country last year for a few months and it didn't go that well. I couldn't find work. I'd been gone too long and nobody needed me anymore. I just wish I knew where to start at rebuilding my life and how long I should wait to see if my husband is coming back or not.

Donte How’s falling in love viewed in your culture?
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Someone told me tonight that we fall in love with at least three people in our lifetime. That’s why most Christian denominations allow up to three marriages! This made me think of the idea of love and particularly in terms of enhancing our wellbeing ... View more

Someone told me tonight that we fall in love with at least three people in our lifetime. That’s why most Christian denominations allow up to three marriages! This made me think of the idea of love and particularly in terms of enhancing our wellbeing and mental health but also the aspects of love that could be detrimental and play a role in our demise. There is a popular belief where I come from that the first love is the most powerful. It defines you, shapes you, changes you and impacts you forever. Songs, literature, art etc praise and glorify this youthful love. This Love happens at a young age and you eventually grow apart or call it quits over silly things. When you get older you may look back and think wow! What a love! Or you may look at it with your adult eyes decades later and feel that perhaps it wasn’t love at all. But it was probably love for what you knew love to be. The Greeks have various words to describe different kinds of love. You see, they recognized from thousands of years ago that there are different depths of love and variety of expressions of each one. The second love is meant to be the hard one. You get hurt in this one. This love teaches you lessons and makes you stronger. This love includes great pain, lies, betrayal, abuse, drama and damage. Most of our popular cultural is fixated on this type of love. But this is the one where you grow. You realize what you love about love and what you don’t love about love. Now you know the difference between good and bad humans. Now you become careful, closed, cautious and considerate. You learn exactly what you want and don’t want. You learn to love yourself as a result. The third love is one that comes blindly. No warning. It creeps on you silently. You don’t go looking for this love. It comes to you. You can put up any wall you want, it will be broken down. You’ll find yourself caring about that person without trying. They look nothing like your usual crush types, but you get lost in their eyes daily. You see beauty in their imperfections. You hide nothing from them. You truly love them. What’s your experience in the love department? Have those periods when you were in love affected your well-being in a positive way? How about falling out of love? What then? Is love enough? What is Love? What did you grow up believing? And do your experiences match those notions and beliefs?

Donte Serial bride! Or how culture and religion conditions women to feel inadequate without belonging to a husband.
  • replies: 2

I used to be married to a woman who loved the idea of being married. Like people who are in love with the idea of being in love, she just loves getting married! She loves the white wedding dress and the flowers and the church ceremony and the recepti... View more

I used to be married to a woman who loved the idea of being married. Like people who are in love with the idea of being in love, she just loves getting married! She loves the white wedding dress and the flowers and the church ceremony and the reception and the gifts and the rings she has collected over the years! Don’t take me wrong. I’m not judging her. I’m just using her as an example for the purposes of this thread to highlight the influence of certain cultural and religious notions and how they affect certain individuals, particularly women and especially when a mental illness plays a role too. So back to my ex wife: she was married once before she married me. Then fifteen years later, after our separation, she got married again! (Within months of our divorce!) After a few years and an extramarital affair, she left her third husband for another guy and went to live with him overseas. So she married again! A couple of years later, when the marriage fell apart, she returned to Australia, and remarried the husband she had left behind. (The one she married after our separation)...This marriage also fell apart within a year and then she met her current partner, and guess what? She’s about to get married again! Just found out from my daughter that ‘Mum is getting married again!’ So, putting the mental health issues aside, what is it that makes a woman feel that ‘the right thing’ is to be married? Why certain individuals cannot be by themselves? What type of messages has society and religion given to women particularly and their role in our communities? We glorify the ‘Mother’ and train our young girls from very early on through fairy tales and fables that one day ‘the Prince’ will come and rescue them and they’ll live happily ever after. Two women get murdered by their intimate partners in Australia each week! I guess not all Princes are noble. How can we teach our girls that their self-worth is not based on raising babies? That ‘settling down’ and living ‘happily ever after’ is not the ultimate goal in life no matter what sex you are. Particulatly in certain cultural and religious settings where women are seen as ‘helpers’ and meant to be subordinate to their husbands and definitely not viewed as equal partners, how can we give empower them? How can we provide them with choices - be it in reproduction, education, career, relationships etc? What’s your experience and do you believe that this conditioning disadvantages and discriminates against women?

Donte When technology brings the generations closer even if they are miles apart.
  • replies: 0

I am a ‘sandwich’ generation. The term is often used for middle aged people who have depended children at home and elderly parents simultaneously. As people nowadays in Australia live an average ten years longer than in the 50’s due to advances in me... View more

I am a ‘sandwich’ generation. The term is often used for middle aged people who have depended children at home and elderly parents simultaneously. As people nowadays in Australia live an average ten years longer than in the 50’s due to advances in medications and scientific and technological breakthroughs, and as young adult children stay at home well into their 30s due to cost of living and completing double degrees, post-graduates etc, the middle generation is the one who juggles caring for both while still trying to maintain their own careers and relationships. We often hear about the impact on the carers being overburdened by being stuck in this situation, in the middle. However, there are also benefits. I’d like to share to you a recent experience that took place over VIBER, the APP that allows you to chat, send pictures and videos and Skype for free no matter where you are on the planet. One day I received a text from my mother who lives in Greece with my father since my daughter was born 22 years ago and our contact is minimal to non-existent. She had joined VIBER and sent me a request to chat! This is my 73yo mother whom I haven’t been in touch with for over two decades! Out of curiosity I asked my daughter what Viber is! She couldn’t believe I didn’t know! ‘ Gotta love old people and technology!’ she said! _’Umm, excuse me’, I replied. ‘Who are you calling old?’ (After all it was my old mother who had made contact through this APP! Suddenly it dawn upon me: I’m the sandwich generation! Young for my parents. Old for my daughter. Learning from both generations, the one before me and the one after me! Upon establishing communication we now exchange pics and videos of our dogs and our dinners and share more than we have ever shared in decades! The other day my father also added me on Viber! Admittedly, it was awkward as I don’t remember three things I’ve done with my father. However, after the first awkwardness melted away we started relating in a way we never have. In his last chat he told me that he is proud of me because no matter what challenge life has thrown at me, I have a way of turning it to an opportunity. This resilience is a true gift, he said, and he admires me for it! Well, that was a surprise to say the least! I thanked him for his kind words and even though in my fifties I don’t actually crave parental approval, it was nice hearing this from my otherwise absent father. Will technology save us in the end?