I want to smile so badley

[JazzK]

I havent smiles in a long while and i cant remember how i laugh. Last time i did both it felt good but when u get questioned so u feel quitly what you have done has put me in such a dark spot which should be ther best years of my life. My main issues are partner relationship problems but as of recent the one person i thought i could say anything too my bestfriend has gone mental at me and blaming me for conveying a story of the past and that vrought up issues for her which i was the rebound. Its so hard t9 not be able to talk to anyone. When i get yelled at or put down i just feel like self harming. The thoughts are there but never since being a newly mother i havent self harmed. My partner priotises his friends and addictions and ditches me even when it comes to family friends. I had so many chats saying i just want to be loved and i want his company. Being a mum i dont want to be a huge social butterfly as i want to be a family too. I just want therr to be a balance. I strongly believe people need space and have timr to themselve or friends but when its so much from his side i just feel like a only parent. Theres so much on my mind i just want to be able to smile and be happy again. Im not confortable in my skin anymore and sometimes i jist dont want to be on earth anymore. Thankfully ny daughter has a beautiful energy and surrounds me with love and pure white light. Can anyone help me. Im so lonely i just want to speak to anyone

[Donte]

Hey Jazz,

I read your posts with great distress. no one should have to exist like this. Are you seeing a doctor? A Counsellor? Have you discussed medications and other treatment options? You don't have to be a victim in these terrible circumstances. You can change your life. I truly am concerned about your wellbeing. Hope you can seek help straight away.

Warmest and kindest thoughts X

[JazzK]

I feel so rejected by my partner. Today again easter i had to di all the family things in my side by myself. I feel so humiliated that my partner diesnt want to do anything with me. Ive even had to lie today to his parents sayi g he was with me when he is just hanging with his mates. Ive told his parents before and thats lead to me getting verbally abused bucause he didnt want ti put up with his parents crap. Im just so sick and tired of riding solo every single day. Its getting to the point where its just pathetic now. Im angry. Im upset and sad that im trying so hard in this stupid world for people like him that dont care. Trying ti get there attention when in fact there selfish. He then has the nerve to say ' is whats wrong'. . . Are men just dumb at times or what or they play stupid because its easier that way.?

[JazzK]

I was actually having a good day. I went and got my eyes tested out. I went and looked at a few shops . Then out of the blue my partner calls questioning me about my appointment and why i was taking to long. I soon just shit down and instantly went in my dark place. What i felt was quite colourful me is just a ugly me . I sit down wondering where to go from here.. personally i rather not be here

[Donte]

Hi JazzK,

Hope you are well. Sounds like the lack of interest and support continues on behalf of your partner. That causes understandable sadness, anger and frustration. So your questions are totally valid.

Wondering what other supports you may be able to access apart from this forum (which I’m delighted that you are utilizing and sharing your experience). Hope this engagement and sharing can provide you with some positive support. I know that in itself though, it may not be enough. Have you talked to a Counsellor online? Or call? Beyondblue had some amazing support services and could help further if you need to.

Not all men are the same. Not all experiences or relationships are the same. Sometimes we may be too good for our partners. Sometimes, our low self-worth and esteem may be keeping us in less nurturing situations that are not the most positive for our growth. But our mental health can make it very hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Have you seen a doctor?

Would be good if you are able to address your issues first and get support. Then the rest will follow. X

Thinking of you.

[JazzK]

I wish my partner prioritized me as much as he did with his friends and games. I feel so stupid saying this but i am so lonely. Doing hobbies and seeing my one friend and family i have seems like it should be awesome support but i am really wishing when i come home i could have a chance to talk to my partner. He doesnt really communicate and theres nothing ever to talk about. When i get home from work. He eats then vanishes into the night with his friends or whatever. . Calling friends or family is ok but sometimes i just wanna talk to the one that should have an interest in me. Is this stupid to say? Am i being silly? Most times when we do chat its a complaint if somsthing ive done wrong or ha ent done...

What do i do

[Donte]

Hello JazzK,

What a terrible and lonely place it is when the one you love is not responding in a way that you desire and when you are so alone in this ‘relationship’.

Have you wondered what is it that keeps you in this unsatisfying relationship which clearly doesn’t meet your needs?

[Donte]

Hey JazzK,

I’m so glad that you still engage with us in this forum.

We may not have the solution to you personal dilemmas but I hope that chatting and exchanging ideas could support you and lead you towards a path of self-care.

It is easy to get overwhelmed when we are faced with such challenging issues.

What is your experience with setting goals, having hopes and dreams?

In trying to understand what is it that keeps you in such an unsatisfying relationship it could help perhaps if you were to try to identify your core values and determine why you feel you have to cling on to something that is not the best for your wellbeing.

Maybe if you could ask yourself: what is most important to you? Why is that important? What does it give you? You may be able to get some answers.

Can you remember times when you felt you were really happy and living in line with your values? What was happening? What value were you living?

It’s not hard to make a decision when you know what your values are. X

[JazzK]

Thank you so much for replying to me Donte. I feel silly ranting on this forum about my unsatisfying relationship. It sucks because its easy to say something and try and move on in life but when it comes to actions its harder for me to proceed i guess . Ive always been positive and ive been trying to always see the positive in this relationship. Plus having a baby i just do t know where to go or how to go about it. Im also stuck financially as im building a house with him too so hence when im stuck and really trying to push on day by day. The reason why i come on here is because i feel safe here and it brings me back to light and out of a dark dark mood in which not good thoughts go through my head. So far other then coming back to my daughter, my work place is really my happy place without the people i work with im nit sure how emotionally stable i would be.

Thanks i really appreciate advice and coming back to basics on knowing my value

[Donte]

Dear JazzK,

Thank you for taking time to post in this forum. Please don’t feel bad about it. I hope it helps to share.

We are all in the same boat in here sharing and caring and offering each other a chance to respectfully share, listen and learn.

Of course you have your own reasons to remain in this relationship. I am not a counselor and neither a specialist in relationships. Hope I haven’t offended you or being harsh.

Please continue sharing your story as it unveils. I, for one, am thankful and feel honored to be a part of your journey in here. You are the only one who can make your own choices and you know what’s best for you. X

[JazzK]

I'm 28, in a successful working environment, been In a relationship for 5 years, 2 kids, have a house and yet I wish I had died at birth. It almost went my way but why did i have to survive it I wonder. It's so shit holding my beautiful baby boy but wishing I had rathered died... im ok. Its just how i feel. So hard to not be able to talk about this to any one. Not that there isn't anyone, just everyone is to busy these days. I don't even have a best friend and I mentioned before thatsbwhy I lay it all out on this forum. I don't know what I need to help me get through this