Hi Sophia
You sound very thoughtful in the way you've tried to coax your dad into seeking help in changing life for himself and, in turn, those around him. Childhood abuse in our parent's life can definitely impact their parenting. You can have some parents whose basic mantra can be 'A good smack now and then never hurt a child'. For a start, I'm sure you'd agree, there's no such thing as a good smack when it comes to basically disciplining a child and second - this strategy can hurt a child, all the way through into adulthood. I've come to believe that when a child reaches a reasonable age (an age where you can reason with them or give them relatable reasons for what you're saying), it's then that you can begin to instill in them the skills of reasoning. 'Don't question me, just do as you're told' can be another familiar mantra from a parent. Such a mantra can let a parent off the hook when it comes to being answerable, to sometimes highly questionable behaviour. Some parents don't even hear what they're saying at times, they've simply inherited the mantra 'I don't care! Just do as you're told'. 'I don't care', if said often enough, can become convincing to a child who's looking for a parent to seriously care.
Studying what you're studying, I imagine it's a massive lesson in human behaviour to some degree. Human behaviour is a fascinating subject. I find it interesting how when we express our sense of wonder others can simply shut down. I've come to wonder at my husband in recent times, when it comes to why he does what he does or why he believes what he believes. I wonder whether you do this with your dad at times, like when you may wonder why he behaves the way he does and then ask him, for example, 'Dad, why don't you get help in managing your emotions?' or 'I can't help but wonder why you can't open your mind to seeing things from my perspective'. I've found some people would rather not think their way through to being more conscious, for one reason or another. Perhaps it's too upsetting to revisit the roots of what generated their behaviour. Sometimes they simply don't see anything wrong with how they behave or what they believe in.
When I ask my husband 'Do you ever wonder why you behave in this way?', he'll typically say 'No'. It leaves me puzzled as to why someone can simply vibe the way they do without wondering why they do it. Personally, I like to understand why I think or behave the way I do 🙂
Do you wonder, out loud, at your dad?
