Afraid of Losing my child

[Confused189]

I took up part time work for my husband hoping to help. However I could not cope and said so multiple times but he would not hire anyone else. He kept complaining about my quality of work and ak the while i was just trying to hold it together for the sake of my 2yr old.. things came to a head and he started taking it out on me by being nasty to me every word he speaks to me begins offensive language and insults.. husband has closed me off emotionally. He hits me and then pretends that he did so because i hit him.. i am scared.. he hits himself and blames me..Every time I protest the way he treats me, he trlls me to shut up and threatens divorce.. and he warns me that my child will be taken away. Presence of mother in law is making things worse.. i am afraid.. i want to correct our relationship but i end up trying to protect myself when talking to him.. he doesnt help with anything around the house but i don't mind as i have no job..but i just want him to stop being so nasty to me cant have a toxic environment for my child please help

[Croix]

Dear Confused189~

Welcome to the Forum, here you will see there are many that have faced the sort of life you are having now. It is not just a toxic environment for your child, but just as importantly for you too. It is a brave step to come here, being treated so badly takes away confidence, and even makes one forget how things should be.

It sounds as if your husband is trying to control you every way he can, threats of divorce, threatening to take you 2 year old away, verbally abusing you and hitting you. This is totally unacceptable. If his mother does this too or shim that makes them worse!

In this sort of situation one feels powerless, and often goes along with things becuse there does not seem to be any alternative. There are. Lack of money, a place to stay, things like that can be overcome if you want time away.

Can I suggest you ring 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732)

or our own 24/7 Help Line (1300 22 4636)

and start to talk to people that are used to dealing with this type of situation and see what some of your options really are.

Nobody should live in fear.

You are very welcome to talk here anytime

Croix

[Confused189]

Thank you for your advice but as a new immigrant in this country i dont want to involve external agencies. Is there something i can say or do which will improve my situation?

[Croix]

Dear Confused189~
You have written down a pretty clear picture of a most unhappy situation. One that is harmful to you , and at the same times allows a growing child to see their mother being harshly treated.

If the problem was of your making, then yes there might be things you can say or do, however that is not the case. It would appear it is your husband who is abusive and violent, and your mother in law who backs him up. All the time you accept this he has no motivation to change. Trying to stop him by yourself is too big a task for anyone.

I do not know which country you have come from but here it is not the same deal. The people I suggested you talk to are not 'the authorities' as such. They are private organizations who specialize in helping people in exactly your sort of situation. They are no threat to you or your child. If they were not honest, caring and competent I would never suggest them to anyone.

Also talking to experts can help, even if you do not ask them to do anything. As people that see this every day they may well have suggestions I would not know. They can also give perspective, let you know what is acceptable, and what is not - and most importantly it is not oyur fault.

Feeling powerless and alone are things your husband does to keep you under his control.

Do you have any family of you own who can help?

Croix

[Quercus]

Hi Confused189 and welcome to the forums.

In Croix's last reply he asked about family supports. This was my initial thought too.

Are any of your family or even of your husband's family supportive of you? Is there anyone you trust to intervene and quietly remind your husband of his duty to show respect and kindness to his family?

Have you found any supports in your new community? Is there a religious leader for example who you could reach out to? I find it is harder for someone to be abusive when they are aware someone is checking in on your wellbeing amd aware of their behaviours.

Is this possible?

Nat

[Hayfa]

Hi Confused189

Welcome to the forum.
I am sorry to hear about what you are experiencing at the moment, it must be very difficult for you.
I can understand that you are reluctant to seek external service help being that you have not been in the country long. This is understandable since there are many reasons why women feel they cannot get the help they need such as; insecurity and stigma for fear of other community members finding out.

You are in an unsafe situation and I think you should at least call in-touch on 1800 755 988 or 9413 6500. I am not sure which State you live in but in-touch is an organisation that specifically helps women from culturally diverse communities who are experiencing domestic abuse. They are based in Melbourne but they could link you with a similar organisation in your State.
They understand the issues affecting women of culturally diverse communities and have experience in supporting women experiencing violence.

You will not be made to do anything, they will talk to you and offer you the support you need.

I hope this helps and please keep talking to us here so we can know of your progress and try to support you.

Hayfa