When buttons get pushed

[Speak Your Truth]

Can anyone help ? My buttons have been pushed to the point of bringing on severe anxiety. Does anyone think this is curable ? I am desperate to feel relaxed and at peace again and to be able to enjoy my life. I don’t know how to cope

[Speak Your Truth]

Thank you Pepper for your post and your suggestions. 🙏

There is no need to apologise, your suggestions are good. I’m in NSW by the way.

I got interrupted writing this - ironically a friend from the city called and we had a long chat. She lives alone and has problems for depression and anxiety too. The reasons for her problems are much bigger than mine and she is on much stronger meds than me, and yet she seems to be managing the isolation hugely better than me, so I’m feeling like I’m such a wimp. But then that’s me being hard on myself and comparing, which I know I shouldn’t do.

I have another friend in a different city who has said I can call anytime. She is a lovely person in many ways, but is heavily into conspiracy theories re Bill Gates, 5g etc and I don’t want to know anything about all that. There may be elements of truth in some of it but I still don’t want to know.

All I’ve done today is sit on the lounge with a blanket over me. I listened to an “Insight” meditation and fell asleep very quickly, so I hope I did take at least some of it in.

Thanks for your support Pepper, I do appreciate you and the support. I’m too tired to write more now. It’s going to be dark before much longer, so I’ll have to get up soon to close blinds and put on lights.

bye Pepper 🤗😘

[Speak Your Truth]

Birdy are you out there somewhere ?

I’ve put my foot in my mouth big time recently ... I posted on another thread somewhere, something that I wish I hadn’t and I hope you didn’t see it and think I included you in what I said. I’m really sorry if you did read it and were upset. I said something about not connecting with anyone - stupid me !!! 🥴. I think I had a mind blank or something. I didn’t mean you - I don’t know what I was thinking. I apologised to Grandy.

So sorry Birdy. Cala

[Ggrand]

Hello Cala 🌹....

Just popping in to see how your feeling today....

Cala...sweetheart you are not a wimp...not at all..This isolation is getting to me so much..not sure why, because I isolate myself a lot...Maybe because it’s a forced isolation I’m struggling with..my mind is never happy...

Its good to hear that your friend rang you and you chatted for a while..that does help..even though it’s not the same as face on..it helps us with keeping our conversation some what up to being okay...

If my dogs were parrots they would be well versed by now..I tell them everything, having good conversations with them daily, only problem is they don’t talk back to me..I answer for them..what I want to hear...They look at me strange at times..like they are trying to understand...probably thinking I’m not right in my head...and they would be right...

Its a beautiful day here..seems all I’m doing lately is waking up and sitting out front then when it’s too cold go and lay on my lounge under a doona...looks like we are both spending our days laying around...and that’s okay lovely friend to do that....

I hope you’re doing okay sweetheart...here for you always when I can be...

Sending you a big hug 🤗..a beautiful rose 🌹 for your beautiful heart..my love and care..💜🕊🦋..

Grandy....

[Birdy77]

Dear Cala,

Please take that one off your To-Worry-About list! Right now 😊

I will come back and talk with you soon, just wanted to nip that worry right in the bud!

🌻birdy

[Speak Your Truth]

Thanks Birdy 😍. You helped me feel better, just like a Grandy 😍 did. I keep saying my brain has gone to mush 🥴. I so wish I could talk, with my voice, to you and all the lovely people here. 🤗😘

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Cala (& a wave to all),

I’m glad you have your beautiful friends here like lovely birdy & Grandy, & others, keeping you uplifted lately 🙂

Thank you so much for your kind words. I think that call was well timed. I hope you and your friend had a long chat. As tricky as comparing ourselves to others is hard to not do, it sounds like you both helped each other a lot that day...

As for your other friend with the conspiracy theories, I like to think there are 2 drivers in a healthy conversation (theoretically).

Sometimes they steer the wheel & sometimes you do. Maybe next time you chat, let her take the wheel for a while...then when you’ve let her vent or talked about what she wants for a while, steer the conversation in a direction you want...and let this happen back & forth a few times.

Just a little idea that I’m sharing. I think you may have more control than you realise 😉

Kindness and care,

Pepper

[Speak Your Truth]

Thank you Pepper

As I said to Birdy earlier today you have helped me feel better too, and I do so wish I could talk, with my voice, to you and lots of people here. 🤗😘.

Often I don’t feel so bad at night, but tonight is not one of them. I feel so tired, so deep down tired, it’s really hard. I am so very lonely in isolation and it’s been so so long since I’ve had a meaningful hug from anyone, and a whole HUGE lot longer since I’ve had a hug from somebody I’ve had an intimate relationship wth, as in family (well over 20 years) or a partner (well over 10 years). I’ve had hugs from women friends that care about me, and me them, in much more recent times, but that is very different. I have a couple of friends in cities and we hug each other verbally on the phone or in texts but that is obviously not the same either.

I’ve come to the realisation that I am not adjusting at all well to the changes brought on us by Covid. With all the things I’ve been through in my life - living with fear, stress and some violence growing up, really dysfunctional family life over decades, family breakdowns and trauma, my marriage failure, breakdown and divorce, my several major surgeries and life threatening hospitalisations etc - I’m surprised I haven’t built up more resilience to the stresses life can throw at us. But then to have survived all that and still be here ... maybe I’m being hard on myself.

Reading your posts and the posts of other people I know that so many people have suffered much more in their lives than I have and it makes me terribly sad about the dysfunctionality of family life in Australia.

Tonight I’ve been watching Foreign Correspondent on ABC about life in India under Covid. In a BIG way it reinforces what in this country we have heard so many times - we are so fortunate to live in Australia, at any time and now during Covid. So sad 😭

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Cala (& a wave to all),

I know missing the deep comfort & reassurance from hugs is really hard. Reading your words, I felt your loneliness & isolation. I know it seeps into every aspect of your being...

Missing something like hugs, which so many get to take for granted, can be painful. I know words can be helpful, but a real hug from someone close is what is needed more at times...

Sigh, I think COVID-19 has had an enormous impact on many, & predominantly negative too. Loss, disruption, & isolation. I feel it has been hard for many, myself included. I know it has been hard for you too.

I don’t know a single person offline who has not been negatively affected by COVID-19 in some way. The fallout has been vast...most people I know are struggling. No one I know offline is happy or even okay...

I feel you’re definitely onto something there about survival being a form of resilience, in & of itself. You’ve clearly been through a lot...yet here you are. I know you still have many awful days...yet here you are. Here you are.

I agree that it’s true that, in many ways, we are very fortunate in Australia. I think it’s fantastic that you recognise our privilege, & I agree it’s important to recognise that. But at the same time, I think that doesn’t have to negate our own struggles.

I think we can hold that duality of both acknowledging others may be worse off, but also knowing our struggles are still valid...

It would be nice to hear everyone’s voices in an alternate reality. Sadly, it just won’t happen this life time. But at least we have text here, for which I’m grateful.

Kindness and care,

Pepper

[Speak Your Truth]

Morning Pepper and thanks for your reply. I wonder how you are today. I hope it’s sunny and you are warm

the Covid fallout - it’s massive in so very many ways. For me, and for most people I’m sure, is the grief for so many things we have lost. So many people will have to learn to live without hugs, and there seems to be no way to manage that. In the past I have had massages as a substitute for personal physical contact, but that is not allowed (yet?) and anyway the government has taken that benefit off the health fund refunds, so even if we could book a massage they would be more expensive.

It’s still morning and I’m all out of words. It makes me tired thinking about it all.

bye for now Pepper, I hope you have a good day. Cala

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Cala (& a wave to all)

Thank you so much for the well wishes & wondering how I am. They are appreciated 🙂

Work has been stressful, & the mood at work feels somber. We lost a client to covid. I’ve had some other personal things happen as well. All in all, it hasn’t been a great time for me.

Thank you so much for thinking of me though. Your care is appreciated 🙂

Sigh, yes, the covid fallout has been vast indeed. I think, in a way, there’s a sense of collective loss. I agree that many people are grieving while simultaneously being forced to adapt to so much sudden change.

Yes, hugs can be healing for a lot of people, especially if it’s from a loved one or someone close. I think it’s so natural and understandable to crave such a simple, yet powerful, form of comfort & reassurance.

But sadly it’s also the very thing that is now limited or even unavailable since covid. Granted, I also realise some people (who would have loved hugs) that didn’t really get hugged pre-covid too...

There’s a part of me that wishes this pandemic was just a (very bad) dream. If only, right?

What have you been up to lately at home?

I mean, it’s okay if little has been done too. I know it’s a strange time for a lot of people & motivation is hard for a lot of people these days...I’m just wondering how you’re doing at home, that’s all.

Kindness and care to you & everyone reading along,

Pepper