This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Leisa68]

Hello all,

Thanks, Airies for your support. I appreciate it. Been up to the hospital today and had my knee checked, all good for the knee, it's my feet that are falling apart. Anyway, the knee people have referred me to the feet people, so hopefully, I will see them soon. The hip bone is connected to the thigh bone, the thigh bone is connected to....:). Hopefully will be quick. I am almost walking on the side of my left foot and that's not good, it hurts a lot.

Going to see a film on Sunday with my sister. It's at the Gallery of Modern Art up here, they have cheap films and the good thing about the cinema is that they have built them like an old French cinema- it's all in black and shaped like a box. Apparently, they are like the cinemas in Paris. Nice! You can have a wine whilst watching the film too! Should be fun. Otherwise, I am trying to get this assignment done. I asked for an extra two days and have got that. There is just something wrong with mine. I'm yet to figure it out.

I don't stutter, but definitely find it hard to find the right word at times. It's very frustrating.

Hope all are well

Leisa

[quirkywords]

Leisa

I have flat feet so I need to wear support inside the shoes.
Are your feet hurting after the operation or have they always hurt. .?

The movie night sounds great.

[Airies]

Leisa, movie night sounds a treat, something different. Remember that song well re the bones. I almost tripped myself again. It’s always my right foot. Have tried to find results of my scans but as you know these things take time. My aches pail in comparison to yours . I hope they get you on your way… in a nice way .
It’s weird it’s not really a stutter but I tend to repeat the same word numerous times . Some would say that’s a stutter. It’s only a recent occurrence

[Lisa611]

Leisa the movie night sounds great. Asdff try not to overthink your Dad's visit. Went to work today and met the new principal. She started yesterday. I have to be careful with my back. No bending, twisting or lifting. I felt like I had to go in to make a good impression. Hope everyone is ok 🙂

[Leisa68]

Hi all,

Quirky, my feet have only been really bad after the operation. Now they are painful all the time. It's great for mindfulness. Oh here they are again, I am grounded my feet hurt...:). Unfortunately, I got the news yesterday that the prognosis is poor and that the left foot is too far gone. I have total flatfoot with no arches and both feet on the bottom of my feet are rubbing on the orthotics and they are causing pressure areas. So that is work out of the picture for the moment until I think of something to do. I am thinking of maybe something altruistic maybe volunteering. Something will come up.

I finally finished that assignment that god, it was like Tolstoy's War and Peace. Now for the next one. I'm glad to hear you up and about Lisa. I hope everyone is well and enjoying a peaceful night.

Leisa

[Lisa611]

Leisa I really admire your positive attitude. I like how you are looking at alternatives for yourself. I take my hat off to you.

[quirkywords]

Lisa

I hope the new principal is supportive. You are caring teacher who would have empathy towards her pupils. I admire you and everyone on this thread. Weare all trying step by step to cope with our daily lives.

[velvetfaerie]

I've been reading. Just not sure what to say. Still bleh. Wiped mentally. Thinking of your all with surgery recoveries, parental visits, daily lives, etc. ❤

It's my birthday this weekend and I have no desire to care. I don't see any point to it. I will endeavour to do something nice for myself though but I have no idea what!!!! I'm considering a bush walk.

Provisional diagnosis received for ptsd as well.

Ohhh movies!!!! I cant wait to see the 2nd top gun haha!!!

[Lisa611]

Hi All...V I find the more birthdays I have the less important they are even though I have to admit that I do like it when my daughters and partner make an effort.

I had a good day today. My naughty class wasn't too bad this afternoon. I just realised how much the students effect my mood. I have a psych app next week. Am feeling better. Hope everyone's ok.

[Airies]

Lisa, I think growing up year 9 boys were feral. Not enough credit given to teachers. I think these days they would be such hard work but amongst them some gems.

V , a bush walk sounds idyllic.There’s nothing like the smells of the bush, the sights, the birds, sound of running water. I don’t need to convince you. You’re half way there.

Provisional diagnosis for PTSD, that’s nice to get that acknowledgment.Top Gun 2 I couldn’t see you watching that. New Series of Ozark coming out on Netflix yay, though I do find some of the shows do my head in,

I hope you had a good one,mine was a few weeks back.Not much fuss , rare catch up with sisters and my wife wasn’t working.

Leisa , hope you doing ok. You’re pretty amazing you know .Despite everything you have such positivity.

ok.I’m waiting on drs report re a moon boot.I’ve torn or ruptured the tendon in my ankle. Time to put training wheels on my bike. No more clipless pedals and cleats. Flat pedals and shoes will be the go when I’m right to go.

Quirky and others how are you finding Autumn. The shorter days are starting to effect me already.Rain on the way.Good for the garden but it stops me doing outdoor activities.