This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[asdff]

Quirky, my husband and I used to wonder if my moods were PMS. Obviously, then I had my big depression crashes. It sucks being us. People think we should be working etc.

[velvetfaerie]

The drop of oestrogen causes pms....

Imagine what menopause is like when oestrogen drops off never to return?

Eeek!!!.

Going through the process at work regarding my grievance and complaint.

This place went into damage control. No one is speaking to me. Meeting and closed doors discussions are happening too.

If they're going against privacy with the bits that weren't to be discussed I'll see them in court.

[quirkywords]

velvet yes eek, I have been living with eek for nearly ten years!!

Sorry no one is talking to you. I hoped there would be one person on your side.

asdff I think we all work just being. I wondered what it would be like to wake up in the morning in a happy mood and full of energy and not worrying what mood you would be in and being overwhelmed by all the plans one made the night before.

[velvetfaerie]

Epiphany night. I'm too much for most people and this is why I've never had a circle or clique. From school to work to gym. I'm just the person who is occasionally thrown a token invite or conversation.

I'm also very much not what society expected from a female.

And I actually don't care.

I have a few individual people I know who are my tribe. Beats the large groups of fake any day.

Different scares most people. One day society might evolve and stop being so bigoted.

I need sleep. Eeek. Haha. I laughed at that Quirky.

[Lisa611]

Hi All...have been catching up on the latest posts. There's nothing wrong with being different V. My youngest daughter is alternative and bi. I accept her for who she is. She was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder in her teens. She has come a long way since then. When you genuinely care and love someone differences don't matter. I don't agree with some of her life choices but I accept her unconditionally.

Quirky I'm counting down the work days!!! We finish up next week. I'm really looking forward to the break. I have to give a presentation on the first day back so I have to work on that. The wedding is full steam ahead! Let's just get through December first and then I'll get excited!! Hope everyone is chugging along ok x

[quirkywords]

Lisa

good to hear your update. Your December and January sounds hectic.
I like people who are different. I think accepting someone unconditionally is the best thing you can offer another h7man.

velvet , like you I don’t have a large group of friends,

I agree many people want to be the same as others and even change themselves .

[velvetfaerie]

Perth is in menopause.

[Airies]

Hi folks, it would be so boring if we were the same, so so boring and then there are us. My wife finds it so hard keeping up with me as I’m in constantly changing from one thing to another.

V I don’t miss the workplace at all.It’s taken me years to accept being on a pension much earlier than anticipated.

Lisa, wow what a January for you. Xmas is not at our house this year not that I do all that much .I just hope we have some decent weather.

Chugging along here ok. Too windy to ride but need to get a few things organised for xmas

[velvetfaerie]

Hey Lisa!!! Whoops. Missed your post. People differ everywhere. To judge them harshly when you don't understand them is harsh. I admire your outlook on these things it's super refreshing.

Sadly I won't get a pension. To be fair I don't want or need one. People need to learn & realise society isn't represented by a few very narrow and bigoted demographics.

[quirkywords]

I am still contemplating Perth is in menopause.

Airies I like the fact your wife tries to keep up with you, my partners past and present have tended to want me to change and be like them as they always felt right.