This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

Processing and handling trauma is a hard road. You never **get over** it.

I had to tell my mum tonight that people who experience horrific trauma in their lives are never the same. This was in regard to the things my grand parents endured during ww2.

It's ok not to be ok. Big. Small. No one should devalue another person's experience.

You deserve like minded people to hear and understand you Quirky.

I waffle. This is my tired ramble ahha.

[quirkywords]

Velvet

thanks for your kind words.

I do think some people think that there is a quick solution for everything when in reality most things take time with a few detours on the way.

Happy December to everyone. I know for some this time of year is full of stress as well as joy.

[velvetfaerie]

I'm not really sure anything in life is linear.

[asdff]

Quirky, you are so resilient. I cannot fathom everything you have been through.

Velvet, I hope the parentals get some help and it’s not just you giving it to them. Sometimes don’t you just want to say a few swear words? I sure do.

[velvetfaerie]

Our occ safety rep just had a tantrum at me for reporting a safety issue and then throwing my diagnosis in my face and storming off.

I'm in shock.

And really upset.

[quirkywords]

Velvet

That is awful and so wrong in so many ways. A safety officer should want to know about safety issues.
are you ok?
can you tell someone ?

I feel so sorry you were treated so badly. Her behaviour was so appalling. I am shocked.
she should not be a safety officer.

[velvetfaerie]

I am ok. I'm just very sad and mad no one in my life will hear me when standing up for my wellbeing and welfare. Work. Home. No where.

As for work, I have a meeting with 3 delegates. Human resources. Safety and health. Equity and diversity. The event today is the last straw. The toxic workplace and lack of accountability with bullying tactics. Enough.

This went against more than one area/policy/law and they are furious.

As for home - child still won't be held accountable so I'm throwing all her rubbish out next weekend. This has been 12 months of frustration for me.

My parents well... tba.

General rule of thumb - no one cares about your wellbeint or welfare so long as you serve their agenda.

I think asdff can understand this in a way.

I have a very bad headache again.

I honestly want to quit my job and end all relationships in my life and start all over again. I've collected a pile of horrible people.

[quirkywords]

Velvet

I am sorry you are sad and it makes me sad that a person like you with integrity is treated so badly.

I think others take advantage of our good nature and our tendency to be people pleasers.

I think we often agree to help others as we know what it is like not be helped. (I think I have paraphrased a quote.)

I wish there was someone who would listen to you at work. Your helpful boss doesn’t come back to next year.

There must be workers like you in many organisations who leave because no one is listening and the people in charge find it easier to ignore the truth.

I admire your persistence.

[velvetfaerie]

Yesterday's thing is still under management.

When I asked about neurodivergence in inclusion and diversity a week ago, I didn't expect an email about diversity including a huge write up about adhd.

From the Vice Chancellor.

To all staff.

Being positive about it.

I am absolutely lost for words.

[quirkywords]

That is amazing. What a response.
I hope this means people are listening to you.

velvet, how are you feeling now?