This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Asdff

One of my children is a dull and a parent but still feel free to criticise how I dress etc.

I decided one day that they only say things to me because they know I will always love them so they feel free to share their opinions with me. That’s what I keep telling myself.

Your children do appreciate you but they don’t show it. I must admit when they have their own child they do understand how hard parenting can be at times.

[asdff]

Thanks Velvet and Quirky. I am not much better today. I ended up sleeping in the middle of the day. Along with housework. It’s nearly time to feed the hungry hoards. Yet another thing Miss Teen complains about… dinner is so early. Well Miss sometimes there is sport to go to after dinner or sometimes Mum has been doing things all day. If she cooks dinner, then just maybe one of you will do the dishes and Mum can rest her feet. If anyone does the dishes it’s Dad/Husband. I dread the Christmas Holidays, they are coming up. I find them too long. I also find it hard enough to stabilise my moods without all the criticism.

[velvetfaerie]

My parents are now pulling the guilt trip. This is what they are doing. etc etc. They won't ask for help. Won't ask me to go part time. Yet tell me the things they are trying to do. They won't hire help - man they can afford it!!!!!!! I have asked repeatedly over the last 12 months or more FOR A DISCUSSION. Nope.

So they won't ask, but I will need to work fulltime, care for them part time, and no idea how to look after my own home and things. I would have no time for me. I don't now!

Or I drop work hours. So If I drop 1 day a week, I sacrifice triple what they would lay out on a gardener for example.

Mother has been very cranky at me for the last 2 weeks until this came out today. So I am supposed to read minds.

Narcissistic abusers.

[quirkywords]

Velvet

We will need to have a discussion with my children in about 15 years time or more or less depending on my health. They all have children so I think they expect me to keep healthy and then to look after myself.

I can see your frustration .

[asdff]

I think my Mother with her 10,000 health problems will tap out before she needs aged care.

[velvetfaerie]

I had 3 huge pieces of news today.

A work one. The parents chaos thing. A friend thing.

Massive and life changing.

Nothing wrong with helping parents. I don't do manipulative things. I watched my entire life those games when growing up and I will call it out.

My dog is a silly dude. Hehe.

[quirkywords]

Velvet ,

what a day you have had, I hope you are ok. That is a lot to cope with in one day.

I wanted to buy something that I thought I wanted then someone else bought it, I cried, and then I realised I didn’t really need this object but I needed my ability to regain my skills to be resilient . Quite a day fir me and a lightbulb moment.

[velvetfaerie]

I'm tired and I have a headache. I'm ok though.

Skills and resilience outweigh material things. Unless I missed something here?

[quirkywords]

Velvet

you are right. Some days I am a slow at learning things.

[quirkywords]

Velvet

I think I still have not worked through the effects of the fires but I now think I know what I need to do. It takes a long time. Everyone on this thread has helped me and been so supportive. I am grateful.