This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Everyone

just realised this thread has reached 8000 posts. I am not sure when I first found this thread maybe 4 years ago but I think Aries you were around near the beginning is that right.

I am grateful for everyone who has posted , is posting now and all those who read but never post. When I go to the forum it is the first thread I look at. I have learnt so much from everyone, I have laughed, cried, nodded in agreement, and I always know I will be understood and acknowledged.

New people are always encouraged and welcomed.

[asdff]

Yes Dad is a Veteran. He has had the dog for around 6 years. He told me yesterday about another guy that had a service dog at the gym. The dog could read that the guy wasn’t okay and was following him around. Dad’s dog is the best. She follows him around too, I only wish he had her 30 years ago. It would have made our relationship easier.

[quirkywords]

Asdff thanks for telling us about your dads dig.

My dad was a P.O. W in WW2 and he had heaps of problems because back then he was told to forget what happened and just get in with life. I think a dog may have helped him.
I regret that as a selfish child and a self absorbed teen I was not understanding at all.

Do you many veterans get a dog or is it hard to…?

[asdff]

No, not many get them.The Veteran has to take the dog to training weekly. Look up Young Diggers.

[Airies]

Quirky, that sounds about right, marks the time when I was at my worst. I generally only post on this thread, so regard this group as pretty special and so grateful.

My younger brother is a veteran from our longest war.

[asdff]

Quirky, How terrible for your Dad and many others that were told to keep going . When their brains and bodies were saying stop. Then to come home and not be at peace in their own minds. We all know in this thread your bad thoughts and feelings are your worst enemy.

Hi to all. This is in the only thread I post on regularly. When I first found the forum I posted in one or two other places. This thread has my people. The people who understand the deep dark depths of depression and then the flip back to being “manageable” manageable to the outside people but inside we are still on the rat wheel.

[quirkywords]

asdff

that is so true , my dad would let me do a lot of things as a teen as long as I didnt waste food. One i worked out he was in his 20s when he suffered so much and I wished I had been nicer to him when I was younger. i am lucky I have bever been starving and he did teach me not to waste food, I was probably over weight for many years as i could enevr waste food so i would eat it.

asddf and aries I agree with you about this thread, after the fires it really kept me going when I couldnt reply to other threads.

I just wished I knew people like you in real life. I know there are a helplines but wouldnt it be good to have a friendly line where you could ring up someone who has the same diagnosis and just chat. This thread is the closest I come to that.

[Airies]

I agree Quirky, I’ve spoken to health professionals, so called experts and fallen flat on my face. Here on this thread, l get so much more.

Quirky you do a fantastic job keeping the thread going and we all are a wonderful collective.

[quirkywords]

Thanks Aries,

I think these long threads are daunting to newcomers but we are Kwan’s welcoming to everyone.
ok enough introspection.
I wonder has anyone noticed during lockdown and times of stress they get impatient and irritable.

[wail]

Greetings good bipolar people, I do have a question Aries, which is our longest war?

I am also thankful for this bipolar life forum, I do have contact with people with bipolar, through groups I attend. But you guys are healthier and that is a positive for me, just hope I don't drag the forum down or crash the system on my mixed state days!!

Happy Fathers Day to all the Bipolar Dads and to the Dads of bipolar people. I got a sheepskin foot rug for my father in law, he's been waking in the night with cold feet. Hope your fathers day is a good one. Cheers M.