This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Dng

I do love my hot shower but since my volunteer work is suspended I have no energy to get up early as I used to.

I sometimes motivate I know I will feel better after a shower or after doing something on my to do list but in lock down for me everything takes longer.

I have measured the distance from front door to back wall but my maths is so bad to work out how many times I would need to walk the length to be a mile. Yes I think in feet and inches!!

[Lisa611]

This lockdown is never going to end. I've only left the house once in the past 7 days. Am missing seeing my daughters. Hope everyone else is doing ok.

[quirkywords]

Lisa it is hard. I may not be able see my granddaughter for many weeks.
I miss the social interaction at op shop.

[velvetfaerie]

Thinking of you all in the lockdown sagas.

*hugs. Cake. Coffee. Tea**

[quirkywords]

Thanks Velvet

How is life treating you.

Been baking a bit but had to stop as I was eating too much.

Has anyone tried online fitness exercise routines. I require no Lycra, an instructor who is a real size and does not talk too much and no jumping,!! I did some last year and have tried again but what I can do is not like what I see on the screen.
I googled exercises for unfit grumpy women over 60 but still got tiny young girls in tight Lycra!!,

[asdff]

Rough night last night. Lots of screaming and yelling out loud nightmares. They usually come before a down. It’s the end of the school holidays, so I don’t cope with the changes in routine.

[quirkywords]

Asdff

i had really bizarre dream, how do you feel now. I know after nightmares ans very vivid dreams it takes me a while to be calm.

Silly me was going to ask if children go to school forgetting not every state is on lockdown down. Change is hard, I find not going to op shop hard as I had a new routine but now it is hard to get a new routine.

[asdff]

I feel depressed. Angry, I’m always angry.

[velvetfaerie]

Baking mmmmmm yum Quirky. I need bakery goods!!!!

I'm OK. Busy. Tired. Enjoying the workplace variety, even though I sook about it at times. Beats being bored !!!! I am also not precious like some others who have an inflated sense of self importance.

Since my leg operation recovery, I feel a million bucks. I'm able to be super active now with little to no pain. Most days I'm doing 12k - 17k steps. I've shrunk.

I was accepted to see the expert psychiatrist. Just waiting on appointment now. Should be very interesting.....

Regards and best to all.

I have no input for workouts quirky.... maybe YouTube? Hmm.

[Lisa611]

Hi All...didn't get up to much today. There's not much you can do when you're in lockdown. I suppose some people would get stuck into their house and do odd jobs that they need to do. Some people might cook or knit. Unfortunately that's not me. I did some school work this morning and stayed in my PJs till 11. Went to check my house and then went for a short walk with my other half.

One thing I like about the Grow support group is that they call you throughout the week to see how you're going. I had a call today from one of the ladies in the group. It was nice to chat to someone who asked me how I was coping. I think I'm coping well considering I've been in lockdown going into a 4th week. There's 2 weeks to go. Hopefully it's not extended. I see my psych this week. Last time we upped my antidepressant. I'm on a really high dose. My body has tolerated this extra high dose with no serotonin overload. What does that say about how my brain is producing serotonin? I'm going to ask him.