This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Velvet

sounds like a plan .

[velvetfaerie]

Been good convo this arvo.
Around narcissitic abuse and taking on traits of the abusers and trauma.
Man and I both endured it and took on some traits.
Realising it is a good start.

[quirkywords]

I am glad you had a good conversation. Sounds a very complicated and emotional talk.

[velvetfaerie]

Hope you guys are all going ok.

[asdff]

Velvet I am glad and man thing are talking, communication is the key. The bratty child needs to be pulled up otherwise she will end up like he bratty mother.

It is certainly been hot here. I speak for the whole world. What a year!

[Airies]

Tis cold here. Velvet hope you are doing ok. Forgot to renew one of my meds. So I was buzzing well before daybreak and went for a long ride. Guess who is stuffed now. Stuffed last night as well full of ice cream. Thanks all for being there this year. As Velvet puts it so well you guys rock. I wish you nothing but the best for 2021.

[quirkywords]

Today is a year since my home and shop were destroyed in the fires.

I am taking it easy watching downton abbey.

my family and friends have been so supportive.

I have no idea what 2021 will hold.

I hope everyone reading will experience a year that has some joy and not too many challenges.

[asdff]

Quirky if I could hug you. I would. I really feel for you.

Airies, We have all helped each other. Listened and supported one another. I am proud of our little community.

Next year will probably will challenging. When my Step Dad passes. I don’t what I will do. I know when my Mum passes, I will need to have an anxiety meds or something to make me sleep. I will be a mess. I’ve had a few close calls in regards to Mum’s health.

[quirkywords]

asdff

I was 43 when my mum died and late 40s when my died. I thought I would never cope but they are with you every day and I wrote letters to them and talk to them .even now wehn I need them.

Sending hugs to all those who will accept one.

happy new year.

[asdff]

Quirky, your words made me cry. When I am in my darkest moments, I ring my Mum and she says I am always here with you. I know when she isn’t here with me. I will think of her words. I am quite tender at the moment. So just accepting those feelings. Like my psych says just name those feelings and let them be.