This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[asdff]

I’m tired. It’s nearly bedtime. I am trying to keep my routines in place. It’s hard as it’s school swimming lessons, plus Husband goes into the office some days and some days at home. As I age, changes in routine make more of a difference to me. Also the weather is making a difference to my moods. It has been hot, cold over here.

[velvetfaerie]

Depressed. Don't want to go back to work.
I am enjoying the last few days though with activities I enjoy.

Regarding people pushing away who have issues.... I let them go. I won't destroy myself trying to help others who won't help themselves anymore.

[asdff]

I changed my thought process today. All on my own 🙂 🙂 I used to think I got all my parents bad traits. As I was thinking this, I said no. I got all their good traits. My Mum is likeable, caring and outgoing. That’s me too. My Dad gets involved with his community. He is a doer. That’s me too. That’s not to say, I won’t sway back the other way. If I keep repeating I got their good points, maybe just maybe I might believe those positive thoughts.

How are you Quirky, Velvet, Airies and the other readers?

[quirkywords]

I had a relative by marriage who used to say I was typical (insert family name )as if that was bad thing .of course all her children’s good points came from her side.

[Airies]

Hi folks,

Asdff good on you changing your thought processes. It was called turning the Mind in my DBT course. We would spend ages on this and move onto blah blah blah. All good here. Thanks for asking.

Re people who have issues I feel for them but I have my own. I’m trying to make the most of daylight savings. Mrs Airies back at work daily .. Huge adjustment for all,

cheers

[quirkywords]

Aries

I think blah blah blah is a technical term.!!

WE turn the mind now we make the mind full by emptying it.

Quirky

[asdff]

Quirky, I call that a mind dump or download. I had a Mum friend over yesterday for exactly that. She is a gem, a truly beautiful person. When I was at my lowest she was one of the ones I would cry with up at school. My mind must have picked up on the “safe” person.

Off we go today to get some of the orthodontic work with me eldest. I must be feeling off, as it’s giving me anxiety. I will put on my parent hat and off I go. You know those days where it’s hard to eat, it’s one of those.

Good to hear from you Airies, it’s hard when the other person in your house goes to work. It’s disruptive here. Sometimes Hubby is here. Sometimes in the office. I can change my preference on a daily basis as to what I prefer.

[asdff]

I figured why I feel the way I do about the orthodontist. It’s because it disrupts my routines. It means I have to take child in middle of the day to appointments. After school to appointments. I am good with set things. Like Tuesday we have sport after school or Saturday sport. The orthodontist appointments are all over the shop. Different days, different times. Good detective work.

[quirkywords]

Asdff

I am glad you have a good mum friend.
it is nice to have someone you can be yourself with.

I find people often give me advice instead of listening.

[velvetfaerie]

Quirky, sadly people don't listen to undestand... they listen for their turn to talk.