This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Loula]

Meh!!! So annoyed! I have a grumbling appendicitis but not bad enough for hospital but bad enough to be discomfort. I've been suffering from it for years and there's nothing they can do unless it's going to blow. It's fustrating me so much!!!!!

Dose anyone have weird dreams on there medication? Like I've also been an active dreamer but this is hard to explain. Before my normal dreams they felt deep in my brain but my latest dreams feel more awake and under my eyelids. I'm thinking it might be because I'm dreaming through different parts of my sleep cycle that you normally don't dream in. But I get like 4-5 a night.

[Loula]

Am I actually happy? Or is it the medication making me be a functional human? Like is the deepest part of me truly happy or am I meant to be ill? Like I don't want to live a lie. I want to be me and free.

[velvetfaerie]

I find medication makes me dream as well. It depends on the medication though.

I have had grumbling appendicitis before ! Its a bit annoying. Mine interrupted a concert i was at. Was all kinds of a funny night really.

I have watched some Mrs browns boys now. OH MY GOD ITS SO NAUGHTY !!!!!!!!!!!! Laughed lots hehehe.

V.

[Lady_Stardust]

Hey everyone. It sounds like a few of us have been strapped onto that roller coaster that none of us paid the ticket for. I’m so sorry to hear/read! I hope all are feeling better now, or at least coping.

quirky, I think I eat more rubbish when I’m low. It’s not often I’m high, so it’s hard for me to remember. Perhaps I eat in a more average way?

Airies, it’s alright to love food and treat yourself! It’s just how well our overall diet is, you know? Hope things are going better for you now.

Loula, that sounds terrible, the grumbling appendicitis does. Is there something you can take for relief? As for dreams, I’m not sure, since I’ve always been a nightmare having person. Very anxious sleeper, very restless, a lot of sleep talking/jumping out of bed/grabbing/pushing etc. I’ve been told. As for whether you’re truly happy, I don’t think anyone is truly happy, you know? At least not all the time. And that’s okay. How terrible it would be if everyone was happy all the time, that sounds like something out of a dystopian novel about a totalitarian government, like Huxley’s Brave New World. No thanks.

velvet, hope everything goes okay with your situation. Like has been said, just be yourself, because yourself is perfect. Again, no one wants to be in Brave New World. Mrs Brown’s Boys is pretty funny! Also it’s okay to feel apathetic towards other people’s situations now and then. I think sometimes our own worlds are so overwhelming that it’s difficult to truly feel for another.

What I’m passionate about? Hmm ... Bowie! Hahah. Um, I don’t know, really. I do love movies, so perhaps cinema?

I’m sorry if I missed anything to reply to, I did read the replies but I’ve forgotten. Damn short term memory. 😕

I was wondering - and this might be awkward to ask - but do any ladies feel their mood worsen terribly when they’re nearing or during that time of the month? I’ve read that us bipolar ladies experience PMS twice as much as non-bipolar ladies and that the cycle may actually decrease the effectiveness of some medication.

[velvetfaerie]

Lady_stardust - PMS - Mine was TERRIBLE on hormonal contraception. I have tried nearly every form out there! I was even on one specifically for terrible PMS, in all its forms - nope. Opposite effect! I have terrible PMS. I have been hormone free since October 1st and I still have PMS it is a bit more able to be rationalised with 😄

I have now instead of a week of the horrors, 1.5 days of the horrors.

David Bowie ROCKS. Always liked him. Artist. Not just a musician/singer/songwriter.

I am cool. My apathy is for a reason. Burnt out. It is that simple.

My diet the last 2 days has been terrible LOL. Once the last of the pizza is gone, that.s it. Back to better food behaviour for a while.

V.

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

Loula,

When I was not on medication my life was chaotic I was not happy just manic or very low.

So maybe the medicated me is the real me before the illness took over. What if the medication

helps the real me whereas the illness buries the real me.

Lady star dust, Bowie is popular. Yes when I was younger PMS was bad. I had hoped once menopause finished I would be free of all moods but not to be!!

Velvet, I agree contraception affect my moods- funny thing I was put on the pill to help with my moods when I was a teenager.

Quirky

[velvetfaerie]

Its funny isn't it? Mood disorders are affected by hormones and neurotransmitters. And hormone and neurotransmitters dance together too.

Is it home time yet?

V.

[Lady_Stardust]

velvet, urgh, that sounds awful! 😖 I’ve never been put on any kind of contraception - sounds like that’s probably a good thing.

Bowie was and still is so much more than a singer/songwriter/musician. He was an absolute pioneer and just incredible. I’m on the level of Bowie love that people know what to get me for birthdays/Christmases no worries. 😂 He was even the background on my phone for a long time.

Right now I’m just sitting around in my room listening to my records. On Pink Floyd at the moment - The Wall. I’d have to say it’s my all time favourite record.

[Airies]

Velvet,

you inspired me. 2 hours of indoor rowing, cycling and weights. Only way to get my mojo back. I used an app where you try and keep 12 hours between your last meal and breaky. I've started using it again. Day 2 of being good. i used to have nightmares trips even until my psych prescribed of all things a high blood preassure med and it worked.

Music love all sorts - Beatles to Lorde.Youtube or Spotify rock when I work out.Love all sorts of docos. Netflix so addictive, one show rocks into another.

Hot day tomorrow. Pity the tennis players at the Australian Open,

cheers

[velvetfaerie]

I’m inspiring? Shucks. Lol

i was going to try the 12 hour food free thing too. Hmm might have to.

Gym tonight’s isn’t going to be full on for me. Too much fatigue and pain re being a girl. Stupid uterus!!! 😡

v.