This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

Toxic and not just the fumes hahaha!

Worksafe is investigating. They have deemed it work their while. 

I can tell you now, all things depending on the investigation, they stand to cop ar least 2 decent fines.

[quirkywords]

Velvet you are brave and honest. I hope people at your work realise how you are such an asset. 

[velvetfaerie]

Dishonest people don't find honesty an asset as it threatens their gravy train

[asdff]

Apologies if this is not relevant to you.
What a whirlwind! I am still spinning. School holidays are over but joy oh joy we have had two days of parent teacher interviews, meaning the kids are off with us again. I find disruption to my routine challenging, so much so that the psychologist made me fill in a test to see if I was on the autism spectrum. No, I’m not. I just find the changes disruptive. One of my children is of the age where they are nearing the end of school, thinking about heading off to university. However, the marks and the effort this child is putting in leave a lot to be desired. So now I am trying to bite my tongue and not nag. However, I am a doer and I get things done. This child procrastinates and dawdles. It is a VERY challenging time. Said child is intelligent and capable of reaching a decent university entrance score. So I am frustrated. 

[quirkywords]

Asdff I was 16 when I was diagnosed with manic depression as it was called in mid 70s. I was in year 11 as it is no called. I failed every exam and the trials in year 12. No one had any clue about mental he’s,th including me or my family. I was seen as lazy and unprepared. Somehow I was in a high for 6 weeks before my exams and during my exams. I managed a mark that while enough for me to go to uni was way below what teachers expected before me. When I was depressed I couldn’t study let alone get out of the house. When I was high I felt I knew everything so I didn’t need to study. 
Asdff you are a support and caring mum. I never had that support because there was so much ignorance over 40 years ago.  

[asdff]

I was bad during year 11 & 12 too Quirky. Our mood disorder shows it’s ugly head around stress 

[asdff]

Sorry to the gents in this thread.

My question and query is about your experiences with menopause and bipolar? I am finding it to be rough. My moods are more unstable than usual. I am angrier. My little family know I have Bipolar 2 and that I can anger quickly. Even with my years of therapy and putting in place measures to try and temper the anger. Sometimes, I have to remove myself from the situation. Like tonight, I had made them all dinner but my teenage daughter was cross because both my husband and I have been trying to get her to study more. I ended up taking my dinner outside to eat. It is relentless this stress and the funk. Just when I think I’ve come out of the depression, nope another speed bump. As for the menopause, my symptoms are hot flushes, irritability, brain fog and sleeplessness. The darn hot flushes are coinciding with cooking dinner. Which is already a hot enough job! Plus when sleeping or trying to sleep. What were/are your experiences? 

[Airies]

My report cards always said, he fails to concentrate , seems distracted and so on. I did well in humanities subjects. Asdff, you have to do what you have to do. My kid cs did well at school and in University. Somehow they got through it as I was in a very very dark place during that period. I’m all over the shop now, couldn’t put my finger on it and could have quite easily self admitted to hospital. I shared this with my wife today as I didn’t want to ruin her Mothers Day

[velvetfaerie]

I have a little quote I just heard as I've been intensely working through stuff this year.

"Are maths facts important when you think your survival is a stake?"

Think about it. 

[quirkywords]

Velvet that quote says it all.one report said that if I out as much effort in my work as I do in talking I would do well.