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This bipolar life

Kazzl
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

9,960 Replies 9,960

Hello everyone . How are you?

i let someone down through no fault of mine Or did she feel disappointed

or did I I imagine all of this

Does anyone e,se feel another is upset with the when it may be

due to overthinking.

My tee shirt today "hold on, I'm overthinking."

I am always hypersensitive to things.

I'm tired. Went to another work location today to reacquaint myself. I started there 15 years ago. Ended up staying all day and launching back into it as many people were not in.....

It's like trying to bail out a sinking ship using a coffee mug.

Velvet

I like the sinking ship analogy.

my analogy for relationships was it was like in a boat with a big hole it in trying to bale it out with a colander that was my chaotic relationships,!!!

Hi All...hope everyone is ok. My psych who I've been seeing for 22yrs is retiring in July. He is referring me to another psych who I already know from my time in hospital. He's very well regarded and he's not taking any new patients so I feel lucky that he's taking me. I feel a bit funny about my psych retiring and having to start from scratch with a new one. On another note today we have a wedding. The service was at 11.30 and the receptions at 6 which is a pain. We've come home to get changed before the reception. Work is going ok. My supervisor is starting to realise how two of the English teachers I manage can be difficult. When I think I have to work for the next 10 yrs until I'm 65 I feel sad. I've been a teacher for 32 yrs and I'm tired. I don't have the energy that I use to have. I don't have the passion that I use to have. I'm not trained to do anything else.

Airies
Community Member

Hi Lisa…I had a similar situation when my GP of 30 + years retired. He’d been through everything with us, IVF heartbreak and success, my breakdown and so many things in between.It’s ok to feel funny. You’re spilling your heart and soul to a complete stranger.If you’re not happy seek another to find the right fit whether that’s easy or hard during Covid I’m not sure.

I Think teachers don’t get enough credit these days.You sound like an old fashioned teacher. One of the good ones. My children received a good education through the Catholic system. I hope the next 10 years flies for you for all the right reasons. Our condition doesn’t help either. Just started buying Tatts tickets on a monthly basis on the off chance of winning….something.

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

Lisa

I can not imagine knowing. a Health professional for 22 years , the most I ever saw a pysch was for 3 times,.

you have been very determined to teach for so long.
i was never good at keeping a job till I had my own shop.

V, that t shirt resonates no much. A simple trip from the station via Bunnings and him needing to go to the voting station resulted in a 15 minute confusing conversation on what to do in him , saying Dad you’re overthinking it. He was right. I took a few wrong turns as I was mentally distracted.
I do things full on. I’ve brought enough things to see me through of a decade of hobbies if I survive.

hello everyone. I have had a busy week so just taking it easy today .

Does anyone feel guilty or is made to feel guilty when doing self care even though it is needed..?

Velvet

I need that shirt. My family always say I over think and complicate my life.
I am also told I am hypersensitive but I feel thst others lack sensitivity.

Aries I wonder if I am only one here who has really seen a psychiatrist

I had a bad experience with my first and only one.

,

Quirky, I don’t feel guilty at all.often I do the self care when know ones around. Will have an early night, mid arvo if need be and often it revolves around me. As I’ve often stated my wife is understanding and really I’m lucky. I first saw a psych back in the early 90s and then annually, he prescribed a couple of meds and diagnosed a different diagnosis.

My psych after my breakdown was a dud, had a few others and my last is a blessing.I’ve changed my profile to a mountain. .I liken my life to one big climb. I often dreamed on climbing Everest and likened running marathons to climbing a mountain.Now I’m grateful to move.

Quirky do you still see a psychiatrist?

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

I have not seen a psychiatrist for many years. I saw a counsellor twice and a marriage counsellor several times. I try to find a gp with an interest in mental health.

I also find volunteering here and giving talks to groups helps me.