This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Airies]

Leisa and Quirky I can’t get ahead of myself. I’m hoping with a year of lessons at the local community centre I can play something.. I’m a Beatles tragic , so anything by them. Also a lovely version of John Prine’s song only love on FB, I’d love to learn that, … Mungo Jerry , In the Summertime
Leisa so you’re singing , that’s fantastic. More courageous then me.. I’m yet to start.
V I hope things turn around for you. Hope others are doing ok

[quirkywords]

V

smiles at old farts group, I thiNk zi would join a Gromyko old woman’s group if there was one.

Aries I like the way you have a goal.

[Airies]

V, Good on you for joining a group. An old farts group, great way of meeting people. You strike me as someone who gets on with anyone and far from being an old fart.
A headband , I’d be channeling Mark Knoppler or Keith Richards… maybe not. George Harrison has a lovely quote re the Ukulele.

I’d love to learn some songs.Next thing will be a music stand and a book. My ankle is still burning, no riding until new flat pedals and shoes.Sick of popping painkillers but it’s ok.I really cant afford anymore falls off the bike.
Hope everyone’s doing ok

[Lisa611]

Happy birthday V! Thinking of you 🤗

[asdff]

Hello, dropping in to chat and see how everyone is travelling? Leisa no way would I teach high school. Kindy or Pre Primary are more my cup of tea. I’m not a teacher, if I did return to university. I would teach that age. Even if you have to wipe noses and bottoms occasionally.

Lisa, I hope you get the support and care you need for your feet.

Velvet, Happy Birthday. The Weather Gods have been shining on us this week. You can do what you like in your own garden. I’m sure my neighbours would laugh, giggle and point if I was out the front sans clothes.

Airies, we had rain here last week.

Hey Quirky.

We’ve had Dad over for nearly a week. I feel like I’m on call. Running around, booking things etc etc. He is more chilled than he was when I was a child. He still says things that could evoke an emotional response or a reaction from me. I’m just packing it away to talk it over with my psychologist. I will divulge a bit. He thinks that one of his children was never a problem teen. Ha ha this actually makes me laugh as I went to high school with this ‘golden haired child’ of his and I know this teen was in the principal’s office most days. I also know this teen got into trouble outside of school. I really want to tell him this. He thinks I had troubles. My troubles were mood related or as an adult wanting to run away when my relationship broke down. He sees that as me being trouble. This irks me.

[Lisa611]

Asdff we all carry baggage from our parents. When I think about my childhood and the way my dad treated me growing up and the hurt this caused I could crawl into a corner and cry. I forgave my dad some years ago. He didn't know any better and is dysfunctional. He is in his 80's now and I just accept him the way he is.

[quirkywords]

Asdff

Each family is so different.

I was the good girl loved school was near top of class until I turned 14 and the wild moods so I went from child most likely to be boasted about to others to child who was hidden away and talked about in whispers.

So a bit fall from the pedestal never really made it back, My mothers disappointment in me lasted for the rest of her life . My dad opitimist that he was just reinvented my life so he could be proud, he would tell people I was running a conference when I was just attending, or he told people I was talking to hundreds of people when there were about 30.
i think disappointing one’s parents is such a hard thing to cope with !

[asdff]

Now my husband is wanting me to people please. I’ve had enough. I’ve not had anyone ask me what I want to do in a long time. He has ordered a bike, been to countless dinners, football games, movies out. Now he wants me to share Mother’s Day again and he invited people over for Mother’s Day, then we have to go out on Monday evening. Who organises something on Monday evening? I just want my routine back. I’m sick of being on call for people.

[Leisa68]

Hi all,

Asdff, you sound like you definitely need a break. It would be hard to be on call all the time. Particularly dealing with this illness as well. Any chance you can become unwell? I put that excuse on the other day when I was meant to be singing. I was low and I don't like people seeing me when I am low. It didn't go down well, but there you are. I definitely have baggage as well with family in particular my father. I haven't forgiven him, but still, see him from time to time. My goodness, Quirky, you have been through so much. You must be very resilient.

I got a distinction yesterday for one of my assignments, so really happy about that! Quiet day tomorrow then off to the Spanish Film Festival on Saturday!

Hope you are all well

Leisa

[Airies]

Leisa, well done. Are you attending class or is it by correspondence? Forgive me if I’ve missed it. Hope there’s some Spanish donuts or Spanish food to go with it . Enjoy.

Had my music lesson today. ‘‘Twas a beginners class but they were far more advanced then me.Anyway I will get there. My brains a bit of a fog that time of the morning. I’ve brought a flash music stand to help at home. Certainly feeling the change in the weather,