This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

Possum - I like you. 🙂

Thank you for the words of awesome. You hit the nail on the head. It is also for his welfare too as I have been miss destructive. Bipolar rage is a thing right? I have so much going on and he does too its been a flinging match most days of the week. Neither of us need this for now. I just hope we haven't ruined it forever. The reflective time will help there. It hurts, its hard, we are usually the best of friends... but its for the best.

I think I was close to passing out yesterday too. I am not sure. All i know is time felt strange. The hour passed and it felt like 5 minutes. What constitutes as an anxiety/panic attack? If anyone else has them, what happens to you? I just cry uncontrollably, breath funny, stare, shake/tremble. I feel detached.

I like this forum. Comforting to know I am not alone 🙂

Medications are interesting. So is finding a Dr who is savvy with them. I hope the tummy aches aren't too painful Possum!

Velvz.

[quirkywords]

Velvz

Sorry to hear about your panic attack. I agree it is comforting to know we are not alone.

Possum. I do hope your tummy ache settle down.

Quirky

[Fiasco]

Hi all,

apologies if I'm repeating old stuff but I haven't read this entire thread.

last year around march/April I was diagnosed with bipolar, but medication didn't help and my psychiatrist moved into the next diagnosis....I don't relate to most of what I read about it, and my new psychiatrist i saw today also thinks i have bipolar 2 and has given me some different medication from what I tried last year. I'm hesitant to go on it because everything I went through last year just taught me that medication made everything worse, caused new problems and didn't even fix the old ones. I prefer natural remedies, and I am just stuck. I don't believe I have bipolar. I think everyone could look at a list of symptoms and identify with some of them yeah? Maybe im in denial?

[The_Possum]

Hi Velvz

I like you too haha we seem to be on the same page. I understand what you mean with the 'rage' thing. I don't get actual rage, I'm quite good at hiding it even though internally I'm raging! What I do tend to do is throw some innuendo and sarcastic comment which tends to rattle the person a bit, but it gets my point across! I honestly prefer avoiding confrontation as they won't win once it becomes a verbal debacle! My psychologist thinks I gave very good control mechanisms.. I'm not so sure if she knew what I was really thinking!

I think anxiety manifests different for everyone. For me it starts with palpitations where I feel like my heart is beating fast or outside of my body, I think get really shaky starting with my hands and then my whole body, I feel hot in my face and a few times I have passed out. One time was in my actual doctors office.. That was embarrassing. The other time I was just at home on my lounge room floor. Exciting times eh?

Yep medications are loads of fun.. Not! I like that they seem to help but the side effects can create their own new set of problems.. I'm hoping this goes!

Take care x

[The_Possum]

Thanks Quirky!

How are you going? Hope all is well in your world!

[The_Possum]

Hey Fiasco! Cool name! I'm not sure we have chatted before, so a big hello 👋

I'm not sure the method your doctors are using the diagnose you, but it should definitely be more than just looking at a list and saying 'yes you have bipolar!'

In my case for example. My GP initially was monitoring me and treating me for depression for around 8 or so months. She noticed I was having some 'up' stages amongst my depression and the ADs made me a whole lot worse.

She interviewed my husband about my behaviour and he mentioned he felt I was a bit up and down.

She referred me to a psychiatrist. I had to keep a mood log (you can download this from the black dog institute and I recommend you do it) for a few months and he also interviewed my husband seperate to me..

Then he concluded bipolar ii and I started medication which did work so I believe I do have the condition. I am also honest with myself and I know when I am hypomanic and I know the depression comes straight after and that cycle is quite visible. So there's no question to me.

Meds are tricky and some people are resistant. It's really trial and error. I've currently had mine changed due to a stressful event causing a relapse so it's a bit hard for me at the moment. But I'm sticking with it. I think meds have a place in overall treatment. People seek to struggle without them, not saying it can't be done, as people successfully can manage without.

It's really up to you, but I'd recommend you make your choice under medical guidance so you are fully aware of the pros and cons, and seek another opinion if you feel it's wrong.

Goodluck x

[white knight]

Hi Fiasco

Welcome to this bipolar thread

Its nice to think along the lines of natural remedies, and thatd your choice, but the seriousness of some disorders mean you'll be dancing around the problem with not enough potency to correct the problem so you can lead a life to your best potential.

In my case, my most obvious symptoms (of my bipolar) are mood swings... so, 8 years ago commenced mood stabilisets. From then on it has been a case, a relative simple case to fine tune the dose.

I dont see any natural remedies have such targeted effect.

Anyway I'm glad youre here.

Google

Topic: medication is a whirlpool- beyondblue

Tony WK

[Fiasco]

Thanks Tony and Possum. I definitely do have very up (social, energetic, creative...) and then very down periods (depression, self harm, social isolation, exhaustion, hopelessness). I guess I always just thought that was me, and that everyone has good and bad times and that I was just overly dramatic lol. And I also used to think, ok well I obviously overdid it with socialising etc and just wore myself out double my body's just trying to recover and I need to find a balance rather than going from one extreme to the other... if that makes sense? I seriously just thought that was normal. Lol. Now I say it out loud I feel like an idiot. Hah guess I am in denial! I just don't want to have another label. And knowing me, I'll just use it as an excuse to be a victim (eg oh I can't help it, I've got bipolar...). Gah I hope I'm not offending anyone. I'm just thinking as I go.

[quirkywords]

Fiasco

Welcome to this thread,

Sorry to hear you have had problems . I think some people query their diagnosis, I have had mine for 40 years and I sometimes think is this the right one. The medication works for me.

Quirky

[velvetfaerie]

Welcome Fiasco!

Great name!!

I think I owe someone an apology in the coming weeks 😕 I stuffed up. A lot. 😞

Finger (text) rage.... dammit.

Psych and my friends told me .... I've absorbed... reflected... totally I mucked up!

Im eating salmon, parsnip, mushrooms, capsicum..... mmmmmmmmm