This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Issi]

I've looked at those pill dispensers, but because I need to take some a few hours apart so would need 5 spaces a day. Might just leave them the way they are.

Possum I text or email a lot as well, I've even make some appts online as well.

Issi

[white knight]

Hi all,

Got our car back. A $700 bill!!

Anyway thats life. Just lucky its a v6 Holden engine and not a rare engine.

Yes Len, I get heaps of interest. Especially with our small caravan.

possum re:" I've actually started emailing me as I feel I write better than I speak. I know bad habit right"

Lol, that reminds me of Mr Bean when he dines in a restaurant and opens up his own birthday card and acts like a friend sent it. Hilarious.

Tony WK

[white knight]

Kaz

Always good to hear from you on here .

Tony WK

[The_Possum]

Hey Len that's funny re: golf plated pillbox! Issi I haven't seen any with 5 spacers in a day. Most I've seen is 3 spaces for morning afternoon and evening.

Issi I'm glad I'm not the only one email and texting.. And Tony that was a typo! I don't email myself!! Lol glad you're back on the road 😊

Hey Kaz great you've finished assignments for the session. Mine were finished two weeks ago and best feeling ever. Last session so hope to graduate.

What's every one up to today? I'm thinking it will be a craft day. Have brought some masks to decorate with the little ones. Here comes the paint everywhere... D'oh!

See ya's x

[velvetfaerie]

Hi all.

HEY KAZ!!! Glad you have smashed out those assignments. 😄

Tony - why did I read you mention Ford and Holden....... ​You own one of each? Isn't that illegal? Or is this another bipolar thing?

I see my Psych today. I am not going well again. I have pushed people away. I have likely destroyed one relationship. But it was the truth so......

Just gotta make it through the day. 😕

V.

[quirkywords]

Possum

I like writing letters and reading other's letters. Sometimes maybe once every two years or so if I feel confused in life, I do email myself( no typo) in letter form and I find it therapeutic to wrote down my thoughts.

Velvet

I hope the doctor can help you. I admire your honesty.

Quirky

[The_Possum]

Hi Quirkywords

I guess emailing yourself is no different that writing a journal ie it's just for yourself. In any case it would be therapeutic to get those feelings down on paper.

Hi Velv

If it's truth then maybe it's a relationship that isn't worth having. I'm in a slump myself at the moment and I too think I may have destroyed a relationship, but on the other hand it was so home truths that I've been harbouring for quite some time, and after I received a few cheap low punches from them this week I kinda gave back. Partly I just wanted to and partly I'm irritated because I'm in a slump and have no patience.

I can relate. What are you strategies that the psychologist may be helping with?

Ive been keeping away from people until I feel a bit better. Just walks at the beach, quiet reading, craft etc. Trying to nurture myself a little and not get caught up with people their dramas etc etc

Take care x

[velvetfaerie]

Hey Possum,

I totally get where you are coming from. Currently I am receiving the silent treatment or he needs time to process my words. Either way I am currently pondering if there is any point. I think the silent treatment is punishment in a way... which makes me laugh tbh.

I am just going to look after myself as the psychologist said. Hang with friends, do artsy things, go to the gym, do things I like for me. Reading sounds great! Beach walks too. Maybe I will go into the hills for a stroll. The psych, my mum, my good friends and a work colleague all say he will return once hes calmed down. Meh .

He and I have a huge amount of crud to deal with as individuals and we just can't do it together at the moment.

If he reaches out to me ever again - I just want a month/few weeks or so forth of silence so we can BOTH figure stuff out!

I better go home ! HOME TIME YAY.

PFFT @ drama hey Possum?

Velvz

[velvetfaerie]

Had a side of road melt down yesterday. Spoke to friend and psych at the time. Was an hour yet felt like 5mins. I have the worst headache this morning. 😞 was a bad bad attack of some sort.

Scared myself.

Told him to go away for a month, deal with our stuff individually. He's now Blocked on phone. Email I'll figure out today. He wasn't harassing I just don't want to have him exist at the moment. No distractions.

Least after a month of silence can figure out stuff.

Happy Friday.... I'm on holiday from this afternoon and at a total loss what to do.

Velvz

[The_Possum]

Hey Velvz

Sorry to read of the meltdown!

Was it an anxiety type thing? I've had my fair share of anxiety attacks and passed out from a few of them. Quite daunting. Glad the medication have those under control now, it's a little precarious with two little kids!

To be honest I really think you did the right with keeping distance from this person. It will give you time to work through things without potential negative influences. Then you'll be able to come back to it with a clear and more responsive mind, equipped to deal with what may be thrown at you.

Well this is my theory and what I'm doing at the moment. I know I'm hurting a couple of people in the process who are trying supposedly to help, but I don't want to buy into the drama and confusion they cause.

So it's me and the world at present. Really hoping this new medication mix helps me. Have a few side effects at the moment, mainly abdominal pain which is really painful at night, apparently it's transient, so I'm hopeful it will settle.

Take care Velvz and vent as much as you like x