This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Does anyone still feel judged by others because they have a mental illness..?

Or do you feel things have changed.?

[quirkywords]

Did anyone have snow?
We had sleet and then about 39 seconds of snow.

I find where I volunteer I like my routine and am impatient when people change my routine.

would that annoy others.

Velvet hope you are doing ok.

[asdff]

Quirky I want to tell people which mental illness I have but I do not. I allude to the judgemental people that I have a mental illness. I don’t say which one. The Project had a piece on ADHD and a lady I know shared it on her social media. I wanted to comment. On this news item it had two people who were newly diagnosed with ADHD. It seems it only took one of them one session to be diagnosed. I wanted to write on this social media post, try 9 years before a diagnosis. 9 years of heartache, tears, no passion for anything. All the rest that comes with Bipolar type 2. My point is, I wish it took us Bipolar people 1 appointment to get a diagnosis.

I know I am on the way down. I have been up for way too long. My routines are outside their parameters too. I am doing too much and not resting enough. There is change in the routine. I helped family on the weekend.

[quirkywords]

asdff

It took my parents one doctor and one pysch for me to get a diagnosis at 16 but then another 16 years of denial before I would sort of accept diagnosis, now I feel I my have much of the ADHD diagnosis too. Another reasin i was in denial was pyschiatrist had a few issues and eventually stopped working.

I have been relatively stable for a long time so I worry it wont last .

Everyone Do you think having a date of when our moods change may help so we could plan ahead.?

[asdff]

I don’t like the thought of planning my mood change. I don’t like the thought of being able to know when my mood will change. This is why I try and then give up mood diaries. It is hard enough living through the changes in my moods. Let alone being able to know when it’s going to happen. I try everything to prevent the crash into depression.

[quirkywords]

asdff, my swings were mainly every 6-8 weeks, but I still didnt plan because as you wrote each time I thought this will be last time I will be down so i only worked outthere was a patter, years after my diagnosis.

[Airies]

I’ve been on social media following cyclists. Gone a bit nuts actually and posted about my illness. No sooner had I done this then I regretted it. Was almost going to put it out there in my profile. Thankfully I didn’t.what was I thinking ? Anyway all good.
Quirky I hope you far away from the floods.
I’ve been watching what I eat, excercysing lots and tonight’s a rare night out. Off to the Murray next week, my wife deserves a break and I’ve been ok. My group resumes , emotional well-being at the end of the month. Looking forward to getting away and reading a book

[asdff]

Airies, I nearly post about my illness too. My husband tells me not to. Not because he is afraid of me being judged. I think it is for my benefit. I have typed up posts a few times, then deleted them. I’m definitely hypomanic today. I had to vacuum as husband is at work. It’s too loud to do while he is here. He works in another room. Okay, so I take the opportunity to vacuum. That leads to 10 million other chores. Why can’t we just be satisfied with doing one thing? Why do we have to do all or nothing? It’s frustrating and exhausting.

When up do you want to collect things? I know some of you buy things? I am conscious of not buying things because my Mother is a collector. I.e. her house is full of nic nacks. Her brother, my uncle is 50 times worse. He is a hoarder. I’ve tried to help him but I’m not a professional. Okay back to me. When I collect things, I will get them for a reduced price or from a free social media page. That comes with rules though. One thing in. One thing out. So today I am going through the house stuff looking for things to gift/giveaway. Gosh it’s exhausting. Why can’t I be happy in the present? I’m alright, just wanted to share.

[quirkywords]

Hello every one,

Aries, I a, near the snow not the floods.

Once an article I wrote for abc was posted on Fb and I got so so many supportive replies Znd people sharing things I had nit heard before.

I have also given many talks so am used to being honest in public.

Asdff I like your collecting rules I do that too since I volunteer at an op shop.

Lisa how are you going..?

[Lisa611]

I'm still here. Am going well. I have set myself the goal of reading one book a day whilst I'm in here so far I've read 12 books. I was allowed leave to go to the dressmakers today. I'm really happy with the outfit I will be wearing to my daughter's wedding. It's in a satiny material in a gun metal grey sort of colour. I showed my daughter pics when she came to visit me today and she really liked it. The principal contacted me the other day to see how I was going and to let me know I had a WH&S case worker. We have to set up a meeting before I go back to work. I didn't tell the principal that I was in hospital. I see my psych twice a week. He's happy with how I'm going. Yesterday I went out for half an hour without telling anybody lol they rang my daughter and were concerned about my welfare. They are strict about some things. I'm feeling better and am taking it easy.