This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Velvet

i can relate to your words following:

“Your heart goes right off doesn't it? Like it is smashing it's way through your sternum? We all can only take x amount of rubbish!”

I find I repress a lot and then let it out and the feel guilty.

Yes routine that what I have missed most this year my routine and finding another one is hard.

[Airies]

Xmas down , New Years to go. Will I stay up to see the New Years. I don’t think so. I need my routine. I’ve had my fortnightly weigh in , put some weight on. I need to excercise daily , even twice a day for so many reasons. I’ve overeaten Xmas day and beyond and it’s not agreeing with me. Gotta cut myself some slack leading up to Xmas and New Year. I work so hard at my excercise, nothing flash, walks, long walks, rides and long rides. If I could do the same with my eating I’d be a skeleton. Bipolar yep it’s all or nothing.
Finding Hope I’m BP 1 and like Quirky, Velvet, Asdff,Loula and others who hang around the fringes we manage.

[quirkywords]

It is pouring and the thunder is very loud and scary. We have located our one torch and cooking early incase there is a blackout!

Anyone else having a storm or it hot where everyone else is..?

[Airies]

That’s no good Quirky, sounds like you have everything in check. No it’s cold here, have the blanket on and the dogs next to me keeping me warm. Must be a sign of getting old. It’s looks like it’s going to be a coldish summer. Hope the storms and rain pass quickly.Nothing like Mother Nature

[quirkywords]

Aries and Everyone, Issi , Loula , if you are reading hello,

The storm was loud and quick but so much rain which is forecast till Sunday.

My partner wants a dog but we don’t have much space .
I curl up with my hand knitted blanket Inwas given on my couch and drink herbal tea and used to knit. No I don’t feel old!!!

[Airies]

Quirky, I’ve a small one though he ran into my nieces short haired chauwawa on Xmas day and had a ball. I usually have a chamomile before hitting the sack and it works a treat.

[quirkywords]

Aries and everyone,

I have had a chamomile tea very night for 30 years but it has never helped.

[velvetfaerie]

Rage. We spoke of rage.
I just hit rage.
I've had man things child mistreat me a few visits now.... AND act like a brat at Christmas being rude to myself and her nana.
I let rip at her.
Now her mother put her up to an email saying I'm not allowed to say anything.
I said really? If you treatment like dirt in my own home you will be pulled up on it.
Then I addressed the mother directly saying my piece.

Now I wait.
I have waited 4 years for this and I've had enough of their manipulative greedy ways!!!!

[quirkywords]

Velvet,

not rage just speaking your mind. If you are disrespected in your house you have a right of reply.

What does man thing say. .?

[velvetfaerie]

We are on the same page. He replied similar.
They can all go jump.