This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Asdff

your husband is right. You are part of a team part of the business and if you were not, the business were not be able to function.

[velvetfaerie]

I just can't win. No matter what everything is my fault or my responsibility in my relationship. The emotional and intimate things.
He won't own the hurtful things. He says sorry but doesn't ammened the behaviour. I bring it up and it goes down a fight path where the truth is manipulated and thrown back at me like he's the victim. Things held over my head.

So i told him it's over. I am done. He won't rectify the hurtful cycle he has kept doing to women for 20 years.
Because it's all their fault all the time.

I've blocked him. He about to board a plane to work.
I don't care anymore I just want myself back.

[velvetfaerie]

I often wonder how it feels to be number one to a partner. I don't believe I ever have been someone's number one. I've been second to other women, booze, drugs and porn. Lied to. Hurt. Betrayed.

[quirkywords]

Velvet.
I am so sorry that you have been treated like this.

like you I have never been my partners number one.

My present partner is always right and it is tiring.

I feel your pain.

[velvetfaerie]

No need to be sorry. He should be.

It's funny... but not... us sensitive folks always cop a emotional beating. Is it us? The people we attract? Both?

I need a good sleep which will help. Think we all agree on that trigger for us. And stress and routine changes etc. Anxiety.

I'm tired. Sorry if i don't make sense.

Hey L7 ..... I like ice cream. I settled on a choccy today instead. Hope you are going ok.

And everyone else. *waves*
We got this. We always do.

[asdff]

Velvet that is not fair, you deserve way better. Of course I've had boyfriends that are complete and utter tools. Eventually I thought enough and got rid of them or they got rid of me. I hope something happens for the better.

In the past few weeks, I have had two different men at the gym say I am a kep woman. Ha ha. My husband wouldn't be able to keep me in a cage or the house if he tried. I know they mean kept in the monetary sense. I was angry about what they said, then I realised it is there fault to own. One is not married, he is of the age where most of his friends would be married. The other one has been married three times. Now being a bit judgemental. Maybe he should no say things to woman that could be offensive!!! Rant over.

[velvetfaerie]

If they don't share a bed with you, why care about what they think? Not their circus not their monkeys..

Sounds like typical men with no self esteem throwing bullying judgemental comments around because they have to hurt a woman as a woman hurt them.

No offense to the lovely men in here.

I'm not sure why people place so much emphasis still on the nuclear family. Marriage and kids do not equal success to everyone. To some sure. Other find success in getting out of bed in the mornings.

[velvetfaerie]

Finding many things very triggering at the moment. Generally speaking.

I'm leaving this forum for a while.

Be good to yourselves and kind to each other.

V.

[quirkywords]

Velvet

it sure if you reading this but take care and if you feel up to it at some time drop by e and say hello.

I can relate to triggers and having no idea why upset me so much.
thanks for all your support this year, .

asdff why do people comment on things that are not any of their business.

how is everyone going . I wonder if this year coming to an end is stressing us to some degree.

[asdff]

Oh Velvet take care. Triggers are sh^t. You should know you are welcome anytime. I have always cared what others think. In some aspects I don't care. As I grow older. I care less about what others think of what I am wearing. My 12 year old daughter is right at that stage. She cares what she wears. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I do not.

Quirky I've seen posts on Social Media saying it's been a terrible year for everyone. My thought to that was it is no different to any other year for me. I can't remember a good year. I do remember being young and carefree. Going out with friends all the time. Laughing lots. Now it is same old, same old. Which I need, I do like the laughter with friends.