This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Hello all

I usually only realise people are pushing my buttons after it has happened then I am told I have no sense of humour.

[velvetfaerie]

Try man thing wind.

EEEEOOOOOOOOO ARGH!!!

[asdff]

To top it off, I have a cold. Red nose, sore throat, sneezing. I look a right mess. Kids are being annoying. Husband not much better.

[quirkywords]

Hello tribe

I find colds in hotter months so annoying.

Asdff I am sorry none is being kind to you. Watch a good movie with a hot lemon and honey drink.

I cant beleive I am walking to the shop with no jacket or long sleeves.

Is Spring here.

[Airies]

Asdff, second the hot lemon and honey drink and watching a good movie. Do others find they have a short fuse. I spat it today changing bike tyres and tubes. Not an easy task mounting road tyres on a bicycle. 3 tyres later, 4 inner tubes later I cracked it , threw the tyre levers and the wheel. Not my finest moment , broken lever and scratches on wheel. Almost ready to sell bike. And who did I do it for, my son who rides my bike and complaining about tyres. My fingers were cramping with the effort. Anyway I used to have the patience of a saint . Anyway I’ve had my rant

[quirkywords]

Aries

i am patient mostly but at times especially withe ones close to me little things annoy me and I sometimes have to go to the bathroom put cold water in me and calm down. Of course at times I lose it and the I apologise for a month!

when people lose it with me it is still my fault and I still apologise. Does that make sense.?

[velvetfaerie]

Must be cold season. I have one too. All heady and dizzy and throaty and nausea but no snot haha. Asdff.... they'll have the cold off you soon enough... but then you'll be playing nurse. ARGH!!!

Bikes can be a pain in the bum. I get cranky when the tyres lose air. Going on a ride tomorrow with the man, and his offspring. Heh. He is also on a diet. Ahhaha.

I lost it tonight. His ex... being manipulative via the child. Not communicating directly to man thing. Putting the kid between the two.
She is stuffing us around with days with kid here. Not being transparent. Long story. But it isn't a drama us having kid longer given circumstances. JUST GROW UP AND COMMUNICATE LIKE A DAMN ADULT WITH THE OTHER PARENT NOT VIA A CHILD!!!! She won't. She doesn't want to lose any child support. Here say works for her purse.

I was open, honest, and chatted to child. I was in tears. She was almost as well. I explained my view nicer than my rant above.

Man thing said she is more open with me. I'm like yeh because both her parents have a reason to lie to her. I don't. The position she's been put in by her mother is disgusting. I can see it affects child.

Rant over lol.

I better give my germs a sleep. Hahaha.

[Airies]

Touch wood haven’t had a cold flu yet. Unhealthy otherwise . Trying to be good food wise yet again. Got my days mixed up . Anniversary of my mum’s death passed and I thought it was today:( .. I’m sure she forgives me. Quirky I struggle to say sorry these days. I spent my entire childhood, adolescence saying sorry or feeling like I was saying sorry.

Velvet I had blisters from mounting not to user friendly tyres. These ones are NORMALLY. It must have been mum saying hey today’s the day you normally light a candle. Too wet to ride here today,

cheers

[quirkywords]

Waves to everyone

Like you I do not like when children are caught in the middle of parents struggles.

I know adults who still suffer because of how they were treated as children when their parents divorced.

Aries I am a serial apologiser always have always will be. I even say sorry when people point out I say sorry too much.

quirky

[asdff]

Velvet, being the child of divorced parents is rough. I am thankful my mother left my father. Otherwise I would put money on me not being here. He is a very difficult man. Being on the other side of the country makes it tolerable. Back to Man thing's child. It is nice that shehas someone to talk to. My Sister in Law and Brother in Law seperated at the end of last year. Hats off to them, they are communicating and sharing custody of the children well.

I am struggling with no exercise. That usually give me my endorphins and can get me through to lunch time. I didn't wake up as many times last night. My nose is still running but I have one of those things to help with the snot. I know to not use it for more than two days at a time. Sorry Velvet, for not using medical terms. Ha ha.

As for patience. I think it's a spectrum. I am more patient than my Brother in Law. My husband is more patient than me but when he blows up it's scary because he hardly ever blows up. Me, I am angry lots so my family don't take notice of it. That annoys me, I have to really lose it for them to do the stuff I am asking. I will ask nicely 2 or 3 times. Then it escalates. Being sick at the moment, my patience is thin.