This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Hello all

asdff

i can relate to getting angry but I have mellowed ipas o get older. When manic i would rage. I get frustrated a lot espici ally with OH when he accuses me of always being in wrong, asI hate conflict my anfpger dies not last long and then I day sorry and feel like door mat,

what do you feel is at the foot of your anger.?

mine is that I feel I am treated unfairly..

hope you can find a way to calm down.

[velvetfaerie]

Asdff I am an angry one. I got ragey driving yesterday.. people have no concept of others using roads... none. Let's face it, people generally have no concept of others, PERIOD!!!
I had the most delicious coffee this am made by man thing. Small wins. 😄

[quirkywords]

Hello all

i never learnt to drive as I could drive but not cope with other drivers,

coffee sounds nice velvet,

asdff, how is the anger level today?

[velvetfaerie]

Driving is over rated, due to the morons on the roads.

I am cranky again. I have been trying to get re certified in some tasks at work since march, and one particular manager who has become a completely toxic and horrible to work with just simply won't team work. I have it all documented. She is cracking it because the staff have stood up to her attempts to manipulate things to suit herself, which are against policy and law. She is a "do what I say, not as I do" kind of girl.

SIGH!!!!!!!!!!

[asdff]

Anger is okay today. I have a headache and probably in the depressive stage of my cycle. I think my personality pushes me to do things. Not all things. Like I can push myself to do a load of washing, yet I can’t take my gym bag to my room. My meds have helped with the depressive stage in the past I could have only taken the kids to school and that is it. I would have to lay on the couch. On meds I can go to the gym. I could cry but I don’t. Wait till I see psych today. I always feel like I have a suitcase of issues to discuss with her. I guess that is what you call emotional baggage.

[Airies]

Hi folks, hope all goes well with psych today asdff. My appointments a month away. Hoping to cease meds, depends whether they do hospital admissions and what family thinks. I really can't commit to anything at the moment. Excercise one day the next not, eating all over the shop and ooh I need to buy some more cycling gear. As my son says I'm the most well equiped rider who rarely rides.Asdff that's why the psychs get paid the big bucks. When you have a good one , worth there weight in gold. Am I correct in saying your diagnosis is fairly recent. It's a lot to digest, diagnosis, medication changes and so on. I cried the other day watching a movie .Thats a rarity.Im reminded of being bipolar all the time. The other day nurse was taking blood and says " oh you're on lithium " and looked at me weirdly" I wasn't bothered but it was a bit odd.

V I had the scan with the dye and the horrible drinks beforehand. I've had it before . They send you results via txt so I'm looking at all these scans self analysing as to what these things on the scan could be... Not that I'm concerned.Will see dr next week and take it from there

Quirky, my driving isn't as flash as it used to be and probably getting worse with covid . I hate driving into Melbourne and far more relieved when closer to home.Like many things could more or less do with my eyes shut but nowadays so much has changed,

cheers

[quirkywords]

Airies

I knew I was out there when a woman turned up at my shop by googling the words bipolar and my town!!

She only came once I chatted with her for a few hours thinking she may not be bipolar but she should see her doctor etc. People would ring me up because I had life experience so i felt that was a good thing.

Hopefully nurse taking blood was making small chat. I never get any one making a comment.

[asdff]

Airies, I’ve had the nurse taking blood say that I tolerate it well. Also my psychologist says I tolerate it well.

Psychologist went well today. Of course I cried. I’ve now learnt if my anger is disproportionate to the situation something is going on inside for me. Suggestion is to journal. I’ve got mine out now. Also chatting on here helps. It helps as you all understand. I am tired but still going.

[quirkywords]

Hello all

glad it went well with you with psychologist.

I suppose recognising before th anger gets disproportionate to the situation is maybe the next step. i can recognise when things go to far, working on getting upset before hand.

today i got a bus . I usually walk but had shopping and was very cold and threatening to rain. i checked timetable and when bus arrived got on. After 5 mins i realised i was on wrong bus. So had to go on 30 min trip[ before the bus became my bus. i felt stupid and wnated to cry but i didint. i had a tour of my town instead!! Silver lining'

[velvetfaerie]

Airies: Ah contrast. Very handy diagnostic tool that one. I hope all works out well.

My veins are hard to get. They like to hide and move.

I have been teary lately too. Down and angry. At least it is almost the weekend.

I hope everyone else is going ok.

Quirky: Your adventure sounds fun ! 😄