This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Chloe_M]

Haha so am I Issi... My dads car has a V8 engine I love the sound it makes lol

btw thanks, I'll let you guys know how I go with the competitions 🙂

chloe

[Loula]

Hi guys,

Something I did when I was first diganoused was sent a text to my family and close friends. Basicly it informed them about my illness. I had links saying what Bipolar is so they could try understand it. I sent links on what to watch out for me and what to do in a situation. And last but most important I sent information about looking after them self having a friend and family member who as bipolar and how they can keep healthy and put boundaries on our relationship if I get out of control. The people who actually read it found it really helpful.

[quirkywords]

Hello Everyone

Loula, that is a great idea about the text.

Alas no mobile phones, no email and not much info was available way back in when I was diagnosed.

Issi, looks like it might rain here, Chloe good luck with the competition, Tams all I know about cars is the colour!!

Quirky

[Airies]

Hi folks,

been a while. See a few new names here. Great to see. I've told a few friends since my diagnosis BP 1 in 2015. Some get it. Others dropped me like a hot scone.wentnin hospital a while back for a tune up.. All good. Been doing PTSD sessions but taking a break. I am almost therapied out.Love affair with food ongoing and excercise a thing of the past. One day soon a little switch in my head goes off , diet, excercise and everything else full on. Never a dull moment and thankgod for me meds. Without it will be up in s**t creek. Beautiful day outside, lorikeets calling. Isn't Autumn a nice time of year?

cheers Airies

[quirkywords]

hello all,

Aries great to see your name, hello. Autumn is a lovely time.

For me when exercise and diet are full on, it used mean I was high. There was about 15kg between the low me and the manic me. Learnt to accept it was ok to be chubbier but more stable rather than slim and manic!! Not sure if it is same for other people or just me.

Quirky

[Tams20]

Hi Quirky,

It’s the same for me, I’ve always joked that ‘stress makes me skinny’. There’s probably about 8kg difference (I’m not very tall). My Mum always worries about me when I get thin because she knows I’m doing too much. When I’m happy and relaxed I get quite chubby and ‘healthy looking’.

Tams

[Issi]

Hi

It is a nice day here, but I prefer summer about 30 to 35 would be perfect.

Since 2012 I have put on 20 kilos and it hasn’t related to being up or down, I think that’s when closed down emotionally and then when I realised middle of last year looking at photos I thought holly cow what happened. Thinking back it was at a time, within 4 weeks my father and maternal grandmother died( who I was extremely close to, she was 90) and then the company my husband worked at went into receivership. I think I was coming out of it then 2014 my mum died. I still functioned but without emotion, I can’t remember the last time I cried.

Issi

[quirkywords]

Hello to everyone .

Issi

We are so different. I almost cried just reading your post. I cry too much and wear my heart on my sleeve.

I wish I did not feel as deeply as I do.

I have no answers

Only more questions.

In our society we are not encouraged to grieve. I was told 3 months after my dad died that I should be over grieving as if grieving has a use by date.

Quirky

[Tams20]

Hi Issi,

You have been through so much. I can understand the need to close down emotionally to be able to function under those circumstances. I’m not a crier either, but I’m fortunate that I haven’t experienced that level of grief, let alone over such a prolonged period of time, so I’ve never really been tested.

I hope that your emotions return over time. It’s a bit cheesy to say ‘time heals all wounds’ but in your case I really hope it is true!

Tams xx

[Tams20]

Hi everyone,

Loula - I like the idea of sending a text to let close friends and family know, with some info for them to read if they want to. I’m a bit hesitant to do it though... not sure how it would go down... the feedback from friends that I have told is that they would never have guessed that I had Bipolar II, just that I had a few personality quirks that they actually liked. If this is the case then maybe I should just let it be? See how I go on my new meds? I just don’t know... 😔

Airies - hi! I’m quite new here, both to the forum and to my recent diagnosis, am enjoying the conversation and benefitting from the advice. Am always grateful to hear from someone else!

Tams