This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Tams20]

Good morning everyone,

Hope you are all well today. I’m struggling a bit... not sure whether it is my transition to a different medication regime, or tiredness, or just me, but I’m struggling to be positive today. About anything. I’ve been up and down so much lately - at the same time sometimes (is that even possible??) and it’s taking its toll.

I know there are so many things I need to be doing - that I should be doing - but I can’t seem to achieve anything. Even struggling with the basics. I feel like I’m stuck in quicksand while life just passes me by. How do people manage to get so much done in life?? I’m in awe of my friends, they seem so ‘together’. I’m just an unmotivated wreck.

OK, that’s my whinge for the day...

Tams

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

Tams

and I am sure many others can relate to how you feel. It is so frustrating.

think you maybe expecting too much of yourself. You have a new diagnosis, trying to manage medication and a new way of seeing yourself.

Please remove the word 'should' from your vocab. You may be surprised but I am sure some of your friends see you as being motivated and together. You are getting up each day, writing a post, trying hard to get to know how tope with your diagnosis and many other things I don't know that you are doing each day.

You are not whinging you are expressing yourself, please post here as much as you need to. Do you find writing down how you are feeling helps you? I found keep a journal helped me work out my pattern of moods.

Take care

Quirky

[Loula]

Hi Tams 🙂

winge away! Everything you said most of us relate to. So don’t apologies!!!!

I understand the feeling both up and down together. It’s like omg what is happening. I got zero clue why it happens but I’ve just learnt to wait it out.

I know it’s easier said then done but don’t be hard on your self. It’s a lot to take in and you are really going to rediscover who you are. As Qurikywords said your doing everything positive and right. Seeking help, going on medication and having a support group online. I’ve found this page literally a life saver.

Now i 100% understand the struggle of getting something small done. It’s painful!!! I’m like some days why can’t I even cook dinner? I literally felt stuck. Like I was frozen in time while my friends are know having children getting promotions and buying houses. It sucks big time!!!

But I had to keep telling myself to stop comparing myself to others and do stuff at my time. So my foot steps may be microscopic to my friends I know I am moving forward. I’ve also allowed myself not hate myself for not achieving things like job promotions at a certain age and I’m literally just living in the now. Taking it Day by day. Seeing the new me and I’m liking it. Its taken me years to accept it, you can read my previous posts/rants.

but again don’t be harsh on your self. Just take little steps and know we are so proud of you and 100% know what it is like and have your back!

[Loula]

So had my second meeting with my psychologist. So besides the fact I have Bipolar 1 rapid cycle, anxiety issues they are now thinking I have PTSD!!!!!!! Hell No!!!! I’m not adding another illness to my list. Ain’t no body got time for that and I don’t really want to face it. I’m just going to say I had a yucky childhood upbringing disease. Some one bring me cake!

[quirkywords]

Loula,

Another label is not what anyone's need. My daughter has YCUD ,!!

What cake do you want, I make nice moist yoghurt chocolate cake.

Tams, I agree with Loula, not to compare ourselves with others.

I think everyone reading and posting here can think of one way we can stop comparing.

I went to a school reunion a few years ago and I saw all these women who at school I was equal to them academically but now they are lawyers ,doctors CEOS, academics while I own a bookshop. Then I talked to people who really envied that I ran my own business. So I thought why compare. You can't compare different people's lives as we are all different.

Some days I take 2 hrs to get into the shower and then I get going. I think it took a long time butI did it.

So how can we help each othe from comparing ourselves to others. .

Quirky

[Loula]

I want a chocolate cake that’s warm with chocolate icing and fresh strawberry’s and icecream that is 100% fat free please.

my head is starting to get foggy with the thoughts of a new diagnosis. Hi my name is blank and I have bibolar 1 that rapid cycles, anxiety and PTSD do you want to be my friend and hang out with me. Aarrgghhh. I’m feeling overwhelmed and shuting down. It’s like a story that’s keep getting worse.

[quirkywords]

Hello all

Loula, that cake sounds great, if only it existed!!

Hve the doctors given you a reason why they think you may have PTSD? Besides adding another label, does it make any sense to you ?

Take care

Quirky

[Issi]

Hi everyone

Today is a new day,

Loula and Tams your labels are not who you are. They are there so the drs can justify to the gov’t why you need the medication you do. I had to see a surgeon the other day about something totally unrelated, you have to let them know meds and previous conditions, so I asked him to look at the referral as I’m sure I would forget something.

I also have been diagnosed about a year ago with ptsd and adhd, totally freaked out then spoke to my gp who told me not to stress as it’s not what defines me or who I am. It’s something that can be managed once the right balance of medication and therapy is reached. (That’s the hard part) Go easy on your self.

Issi

[Loula]

The reason they think is due to my childhood, and the fact I can’t sleep and have bad nightmares.

Hi Issi I know it’s something that can be treated but it’s just another blow to the system.

[Tams20]

Hi Quirky, Loula, Issy,

I’m all for ignoring labels. After all, aren’t we the same people we were before someone put a name to whatever it is we are dealing with?

My problem is that my label has increased my awareness of what may be causing my behaviour. But I don’t know how to control that behaviour yet, my meds haven’t kicked in properly and I don’t have the coping skills. So I overthink and stress and worry about what I am doing or saying and meanwhile the slow motion train wreck that is me at the moment keeps on going and going...! I just have to ride it out. It’s not an easy time, that’s all.

Loula I can see how that would be a blow. It’s hard enough already without spending else. At the moment I’ve only been branded with one condition, fingers crossed that more doesn’t come to light as time goes on!

Tams