This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone

Loula. I agree with Lady_Stardust about the rude customer. I'm those situations I used to think of something witty to say hours after it has happened but at the time it is awful. I think people should be educated not to be so rude and to be more understanding.

Sometimes people are just ignorant and if it is appropriate I will educate them .

I have been taking medication for over 25 years so I have heard so much advice. Some family and friends have felt they should tell me about this or that wonderfood , or this wonderful treatment.

Lady Stardust , it is so important to see the signs we are slipping before things become out of control.

Quirky

[Loula]

Hey Lady Star Dust

For a year I refused to go on medication as I am so ashamed of it and hate it. Then I started trying medication and had many issues until now and I've just started accepting it that I need medication because I personally like the fact I'm running better on it. But now I just feel really ashamed of it again. I can't see it as like how you try to describe it and also every doctor. I see it as I need a pill for my brain to be happy and it's horrible. I just feel like a Less of a person. I feel defective and broken.

More of my colleges heard of what happened and are like we never heard of something so bad being said and they are like you are perfect and amazing and had some colourful words about the customer and I've never heard any of them swear before lol! I'm glad I stood my ground with her and finished the shift. Most where like we would of gone home or been speechless.

Its good your starting to watch for warning signs. I find it really helpful so I can get ready for the storm.

And Boom on Gay Marriage. Exciting!!!!

Hi Quirkywords,

I can't believe I came up with something to say on the spot. But I don't let people walk over me. I hate when people who don't know about my illness try to advice me on what treatment I should use like herbals and all that stuff.

[Lady_Stardust]

Hey Loula,

I understand, I understand. All I can do is reiterate what I said and hope that one day you can see it that way, because really, it's nothing at all to be ashamed of. You're not defective or broken. It's something out of your control, but by taking medication and always working to be stable and better yourself, that's in your control, and I think it's the only way we can stick it to Bipolar in all its forms. And you are absolutely not less of a person, not at all. You are you, and you are wonderful, same as everyone here. (:

Hopefully you've not had any other awful run-ins like that with small-minded people, and you've been feeling better. I hope everyone else is doing well, too!

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone

Loula , there is a performer called Ruby Wax and she says that the brain must be only part of the human body that people feel ashamed about if it is not working.

I think if we saw health as the whole body and did not divide it into mental and physical health that would be sensible. When we are physically ill it affects our entail healthy nd when we are mentally ill it affects our physical health.

If a friend of yours was taking medication for her mental health, woudyou think les of her or would you think she was sensible in helping her self.

I understand how you feel, but you are working hard to making yourself better so I don't want you to be ashamed.

Stardust, thanks for your reassuring words. You are not defective or broken.

Big wave to everyone reading this thread.

Quirky

[Loula]

Hi guys, Lady_StarDust & Qurikywords,

I know what your trying to say but I just hate it. But I have accepted I need it to function and I'm better on it. But i hate the way it makes me feel, my head is always slightly blurry and my hair is now falling out!!! What's with that!!!!!! Fingers cross that stops. There's just times I can feel I got tablets in me and wiring my brain and I hate it and want to detox my body and be drug free and live on fruit and vegs but I know deep down that's a bad idea but I still feel like screaming.

No more mean customers at work thankfully. I talked to my doctor about it who just told me to tell them it ain't there business why my body shakes and some stuff to help me calm down as I get overwhelmed this time of year and zero schedule. It's really hard my schedule being 100% gone. I can't even cook or clean and my hubby's not getting it.

I never think less of my friends but I've been brought up to see the beauty in everyone and to help everyone. I think though if I had a friend with mental illness I would be causes around them not because I felt uncomfortable just because I would never want to trigger them which is a bit hypocritical as we want to be treated normal but I hate being triggered. Dose that make sense?

Mabye one day I won't feel broken but it hard when you come from a broken home, where told all through school your broken by teachers and parents and then find out your mentally ill.

[quirkywords]

hello everyone

Loula you make very interesting points and I can see where you are coming from.

That is very considerate not wanting to trigger a friend and it makes sense.

This is a stressful time of year for everyone, Can you create a new schedule for this time of year. I understand the old one is not used at this time of year. I too like routines and don't like them being changed.

I wonder how others cope when routines are changed or gone altogether.

Loula, You are working really hard to remain well and I admire your determination.

Quirky

[Loula]

Hello,

Unfortunately I can't change/create a new schedule. I'm use to working 9-5 5 days straight and now it's 8-5 or 1-10 and everything in between scattered. And it's just throwing me badly.

And the new medication side effect is boom not sleeping and active dreams so I'm so exhausted. The doctor has got a strategy to help that so fingers cross it works.

I just feel like I'm on a thin string walking very straight and determined but a slight breeze I'm going to fall.

[Lady_Stardust]

Agree 100% with quirky. :3

Loula, have you spoken to your doctor about your hair falling out? It could be from stress, I’ve heard of that happening, and you’ve a lot of stress at the moment. I get that, it’s something of a movie life, one of those sweet movies in small towns where everything is natural and people are happy with themselves and others. That would be nice. But we make the best of what we got and what we can make of our own world, you know?

It really sucks when people in our lives don’t understand. 😞 And it makes total sense. You just want your friends to be okay, but also not treat them like glass, because they mightn’t like it. That sounds very tough, I’m sorry that you were brought up in that environment. At least you’re out of it now.

Also tough with the scheduling issues. 😕 I’m not sure what you can do there. Definitely give the strategy your doc has given a go and yes, fingers crossed. If you fall, we’ll be here to catch you.

[Issi]

Back from another round of TMS maintence. Feeling good, just very tired, that and headaches are the only side effects I get.

I’ve had a couple of job interviews unfortunately no success as yet, it takes awhile for me to get over the knock backs but I’ll keep trying, something will come up.

Issi

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

Loula

You are doing a good job. I don't know anyone who likes their work routine changed and as well as coping with that you have new medication you are trying to get used to. that's a lot to handle. I have active dreams and I wake up exhausted and they are always so weird and people don't understand.

I think the fact you are staying on the thin straight line and hopefully if you do fall you will land on a net and bounce back up .

Stardust How are you going? Is this an extra busy time of year for you?

Issi- hello good to hear from you .That is good you keep trying for the job and hopefully something will happen soon. I suppose this is a hard time of year to apply as well.

That is great you have had interviews.

Kind regards to all

Quirky