This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

Totally 😆 blargghhhh

Gotta find gym energy

[meercat]

Gmorning quirky. Im mentioning this cause uv visited forums a Few times and may be able to stear me in right direction.. my last para.

I bounced out of bed to try to face the day trying to keep positive. Need to make a Huge decision today and im not sure if il hit top floor then land in the basement at 5pm when the phone conf. starts.

I popped into The Cafe for some light chat, it does get a bit crazy in topics.. but sweaty body parts at 6am whilst im making lunches. Ooo.😎

meercat xx

[Loula]

Hi Quirkywords,

I'm on and off. I'm like a yo-yo going from deppresed and dropping to more deppresed back to general deppresed.

Im not sleeping. My brain is getting active.

I just want to be treated normal as everyone else but they will never ever happen. I found people treat us different because they are asholes, they don't want to hurt us, the are undereducated and many more reasons.

Thanks for the welcome Issi.

Dosent the thud suck velvetfaerie. Hope it doesn't hit you hard. All I can suggest though if you feel it coming get prepared.

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

Meercat,

Sorry meercat , I maybe a bit slow but I am unsure what you want to comment on. Is it the topics in café? I am not near a computer at 6 am. I will have a look. Hope you keep away from the basement for your phone conf.

Quirky

[Loula]

Positive step.

Generaly my GP is treating me for my bipolar with a psychiatrist help. He's been doing a great a job but as we need to introduce a new medication as my highs are treated but my lows are not and I had a full blown break down in the doctors office I saw my psychiatrist and looks like we got a good treatment plan ahead.

I will now also just be getting treated by my psychiatrist and start talking about all the things in my head and try figure out why I feel like I'm hovering out side of the world watching it.

So I start my new anti depressants tomorrow. I'm praying hard it dosent make me feel horrible and actually works. Everything crossed.

Sorry one thing you will get to know about me is I wrote what's in my head to keep my head clear.

[quirkywords]

Lola,

I think writing things down to clear your head is a good idea, I do that too.

I hope too that things work out for you with the medication.

Quirky

[Loula]

Full blown breaking down.

Im trying to be positive going the new medication is going to work and make me happy and then I'm going to live a good full life and be the person I want to be.

But then I listen to my soul and it's like you need medication to be happy. You don't need one type of tablet but now you suck so much you need 2! And who knows if this is going to work. Who knows if your ever going to get treated.

I just can't stop getting tear eyes. I hate that I just can't be happy on my own and that sucks.

[quirkywords]

Loula

Is that your soul or your depression talking. ? It tries to trick us into thinking everything is hopeless .

I know this is hard. If you can block out the dark voice and listen to the positive one.

Everyone needs help in some way .

Quirky

[meercat]

Hi loula. meercat here. Im sorry ur not feeling ok.

Even after 43 yrs im still reluctant to change my meds. I wasnt sure how id cope when i was reduced to half dose.

After 13 yrs apart from my sister, the other day we had to speak to each othet in a phone meeting about mum's ongoing care. I was not sure how i would react to the sound of her domineering tone.

i mentioned my anxiousness to my doc.With a tiny half tab i survived the meeting.

Do i think i was weak taking a tab? No i think i was strong..i admitted i needed help and i prepared for the day.

Loula, i know its hard living with bp but sometimes we all need some help to smooth over the bumps life throws at us.

Life with bipolar is no party..the high highs and low lows.

We're all here to help you back onto the first floor of this bp elevator.

You can talk about anything here, ur hopes and fears whether ur feeling up or down.

meercat xx

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone.

Meercat that was so helpful what you said to Loula and applies to anyone reading this.

You can talk about anything here (within the guidelines) your hopes, and fears and whether feeling up or down.

Somes of us have been n this journey a long time and we are still learning.

I used to feel so alone and didn't meet any one who had bipolar till about ten years ago. This thread is goo just to drop in and say hi, to ask a question just to off load thoughts.

Loula I think I have said many times that your posts help other struggling who dont feel up to posting so they are very valuable.

Everyone is welcome to post here and we have lots of good listeners here.

Quirky