This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Hello Everyone

Loula Meercat and Velevt thanks for your great posts , Iam learning so much.

Like Meercat I was diagnosed about 43 years ago and have seen things change and stay the same.

Loula, dont worry about repeating topics as some topics need to be discussed and of yourself you dont have to read the whole thread.

I think this is a great place where we can share ideas and support each other.

Meerkat,I am glad you are meeting up for coffee, let us know how it goes.

Velvet, I am wondering what your smart lifestyle choices are?

I need to get going , have a god Monday and looking forward to more discussion.

Quirky

[Loula]

Hi meercat,

I'm lucky I work for a good company. I work in sales. Which is good except the days I can't tolerate people. Which is what happening at the moment.

Being supper organised helps. I also got food in the freezer. I love cooking but if I'm ill I don't cook so I like to have back up food or and simple menu planed for the week to get me by.

Im good with clutter in the head. I got a billion storage files in the brain lol. I come from an abusive family and spent my child hood in therapy as I was an angry child. They never thought to stop the abuse just get the therapy. So for most of my life I've been good at keeping a clear head in a thinking way unless medicated on something to strong.

Good on you getting coffee with someone this week. I've gone months with out seeing friends. It's so hard. Hope it all goes good.

Hey Qurikywords,

hope your having a good day.

[Loula]

And boom feeling really low. Keep going low to yucky lol in seconds. I'm all teary now. Really over this. Just want some stable time. Hate feeling worthless and that I'm just not right. That I'm a mistake. Hate the physical pain depression brings and hate just feeling empty. I'm going to have a mini cry now and hide in my bed.

[quirkywords]

Loula.

It is a terrible feeling. And when it happens with a thud you get no preparation time.

On the very first post of this thread there is a great analogy about elevators and moods. You won't be up to reading it now but when you do feel ok, it is worth a read,

I am sending a comforting hug.

Does crying make you feel better or worse.

I have been known to cry in supermarkets and other strange places sometime sit helps sometimes it does not,

Thinking of you

Quirky

[Loula]

Hi quirkywords,

I hate the thud! At least give me a yellow traffic light. I've read the first elevator post. Just sums up the non joy of our life. Some times though I feel like it's going in slow motion and then sometimes it's a billion times faster. The joy of rapid cycle,

Im the same sometimes the cry helps and sometimes it just makes me worse.

I generally don't like to show emotions. I want people to see me as together. All my friends know I'm sick but I want to come across tough and not effected. I don't want to be treated sick so I act not sick. If that makes sense.

[quirkywords]

Lola and everyone reading ,

I was wondering how you are feeling today. Did you manage to sleep?

I can relate to not wanting to be treated as being sick or different or have people pity me or treat me as though I am fragile.

I have learnt now to say to people I will let you know if I need to help. I used to have a friend not wanting to tell me sad news from her life that may upset me but I don't want to be treated differently. Not sure anyone can relate to that.

That speed of thinking everything is ok then the supersonic rapid drop down is almost as awful as beind right down itself .

I am glad you are hear and letting us know how you are going.

Quirky

[Issi]

Hi Quirky

I can relate, my husband does it mainly about what’s happening at work and it totally piss’s me off. I have also learnt my mum did it, she past away 3 years ago and every now and again things are said like it’s common knowledge but I was never told.

My course is almost finished and I’ve applied for a few jobs, tomorrow I have my first phone interview, they call this a pre-interview and I’m very nervous.

Have a positive day

Issi

[Issi]

Welcome Loula

[velvetfaerie]

The thud? Yep I am staring it right in the eye at it at the moment.

Today has been a whole lot of BLARGH! I have been holding my bits and pieces together for almost two years and now I am about to drop it because I know it is safe to do so. well, it should be.

Oh Issi, a pre interview hey? Good luck. **hugs**

v.

[quirkywords]

Hi everyone,

Issi,

It is so annoying when people try to protect you from things but you don't need protecting.

I hope the phone interview goes well.

Velvet

BLARGH! What a descriptive word.

Quirky