This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

Just Kinda ate 5 muesli bars...... 😂😂😂😂😂😂

Goal kicking is liberating.... acceptance of some things is too...

I think the weather affects people.... I like the sun.... love it.... must be the vitamin D thing...

Thats absurd!!!!!! They'd want to be good tim tams 😱😱😱😱

velvzz

[white knight]

Hi all

For tjose unaware I've fully recovered from my bipolar downer.

It came grafually over an 8 week period, even with some self hate and dare I say...self harm. The latter a first fir me and we'll leave at that. It wont happen again

quirky said ", not a bipolar mood, but a short intense mood that is often caused when someone says something critical too me. It feels horrible but I know it wont last long"

Absolutely know that feeling. It hits me hard like someone has poured hot water on my brain.. ..a rush of sorts when criticised.

Anyway last week it came to a head but two or three days later it was over. Oddly enough it was my wife that told me it had passed!

I've been quiet here as I've been on holiday to Queensland. Every reason to be happy. I'm convinced most of my issues are chemical imbalance, few triggers there.

Tony WK

[Issi]

Must admit having a bit of a downer this week. In hospital having my regular tms treatments. But not coping to well with them this time. Excess headaches and tiredness. Not sure why my meds haven't changed or have the tms script. I'm really glad you've turned the corner in relation to downer.

Issi

[quirkywords]

Greetings to everyone, very windy here and windy days unsettle me.

Hello Issi, sorry you are having a downer and not coping with yout tms treatments. I hope you feel better soon.

Velvet, I like muesli bars too.

Len, great to hear from you. I suppose customers at the airport have no alternative shops so the retailers can charge what they like.

Lady stardust, to remain stable you need stability - simple and it makes sense.

Tony, glad you are better .

Quirky

[white knight]

Hi Issi,

During these downers we have difficulty having faith thst we will recover. Please have that faith.

Tony WK

[Airies]

Hi Tony,

great to hear you have fully recovered. No place like home but it's bloody freezing at the moment. My moods are fluctuating at the moment. Almost felt like I needed to go back into hospital but dealt with it.Lots of stuff stirred up though Trauma group and DBT. You are right on the money with chemical inbalance. Something I'm acutely aware of. It's a bummer.By the sounds of it lucky we have supportive other halves.

Issi, I hope it works for you. Can relate having had ECT and the headaches and tiredness that goes along with it. Velvet mmmmm, muesli bars love the choc flavoured ones.

Quirky will fan the wind back towards you. I gather it's going to get worse. I hate it so.i should accept its late winter, it's windy at this time,I love your profile pic btw.

Didnt buy the timtams.. Much much cheaper at the supermarket. I guess for the unsuspecting tourist or a must have as an option..... Noooo...

stay warm cheers Len

[Issi]

Thanks for all your support,

After talking to some of the nurses, I realise why I'm this time is different. I've been trying to do 2 lots of 40 minutes of tms a day, go to Tafe as much as I can as well and organise coles on line and other things for kids and hubby at home. Where normally I just come to hospital and concentrate on me. Big lesson learnt, I can't do it all. When having TMS it is ok to be selfish and just be all about me. I will be ok, tms works for me just need to let it work buy not doing everything for everybody.

As I said earlier thanks for your support, value your "friendship"

Issi

[quirkywords]

Issi

I am glad you worked out what was different this time. Isn't it annoying when you don't know you have done too much until you have done too much.

Look after yourself.

Quirky

[Airies]

Hi Issi,

its ok to be selfish. It's looking after yourself. TMS like ECT knocks you around a bit. You need time to recover. I know this is coming from a male perspective. Hats off to you for trying to do it all. Be kind to yourself.Small baby steps.Love your positivity,

cheers Len

[Lady_Stardust]

Hey, everyone,

it sounds like there's been some bad struggles going on, I'm very sorry to hear it, but glad that things seem to be looking up for everyone. Please be kind to yourselves, there is no selfishness in focusing on you and your wellbeing - none at all. It's hard to remember that sometimes, I think it's because we grow up being taught to not be selfish and all that, and the illness tells lies, but there is no selfishness.

Keep safe, okay? I'll share with you the very simple mental health emergency care plan a doctor gave to me:

- Get company (friends, family, random crowds, anybody)

- Get help (call somebody, talk to somebody, etc.)

- 000. The only number you need to remember in a crisis (or whatever the number is for you if you're not in Australia)

Easy to remember and important.

As for me, I'm doing A-OK. Honestly, I'm fine, and that's such a wonderful thing that I haven't experienced very much. Everything is pretty average, and I'm in love with average. ❤️