This bipolar life

Kazzl · ‎13-06-2016

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

velvetfaerie

My long term memory and useless fact files are astounding, short term useful stuff? Fail.

Have a laugh = I had a savage plant attack me yesterday. Yucca plant vs distal knuckle. 6hrs later my finger was swollen, sore and warm to the touch. Off to urgent care I went. I was not going to wait in emergency for a plant bite. I'd be there for 24hrs!!! I drove past the emergency department and it was looking hectic, typical Saturday night!!!

Dr put me on a heavy regimen of antibiotics, & 3 days off work (which I found hilarious, but ok, I am exhausted!!).

Oh and my tetanus is up to date now.

Achey arm and a fat finger. Yay.

quirkywords

Velvet wow I have not hear of yucca plant but after seeing pic I recognised it.

hope you and finger are improving.

velvetfaerie

Yep. Much better now.

Only I could turn gardening into an extreme sport.

Airies

Ouch, they are a horrible pant in my opinion. Many planted and it takes effort to get rid of them. I got rid of ours as soon as we we moved into our new house. My mum fell into a cactus plant when i was young and had allergies to things for the rest of her life. Bonus 3 days off. One more month of Winter yay. Still licking my wounds after bike fall last week

asdff

Oh yes. Yucca = yuck. We had them in our front garden and got them removed. You poor thing Velvet. Gardening is an extreme sport. A family member was gardening and got a cut, picked at cut. Cut became septic and family member had to have surgery and finger lanced, with finger nail removed.

Today my brain is extra foggy and takes ages to warm up. My thoughts are here there and everywhere. Why can I not focus? It’s like driving or walking through quicksand. I am so jealous of people who did not have a mind like mine.

quirkywords

Asdff

I used to have a great memory now I forget names forget where I put something 2 mins ago .

asdff

Oh no Quirky!
Of course I hit the wall, the straw that broke the camel’s back is always something that I should be able to deal with. Then it becomes that one thing too much and I lose it 😢😢😢 I have a busy week with a family birthday party, a significant one. A medical appointment for another family member for an issue that is a big worry for me. Then the issue that cropped up today, cue tears and anger. I dispise being bipolar. It hasn’t helped me in any shape or form. I find it a huge burden.

quirkywords

Asdff

i was diagnosed over 50 years ago and have been medicated for 30 years. I am lucky my medication keeps stable but I get over emotional and can overreact very easily.

I know that having parents and looking after children and extended family responsibilities is hard. When my mum had dementia for a long time the family doctor ignored me and treated me like I was still a chaotic

teenager. I find how medical professional and family react to my bipolar is worse than the bipolar. Can anyone relate to that.

Airies

Hello folks, yep I’m ok being medicated but not. For a hundred odd days I’ve weighed my food, counted calories, excercised , fasted and logged it all via various apps. I’ve lost weight which is my aim but have had days where I’ve pigged out, enough to make normal people sick. I went to the football. Because of timing with trains etc I didn’t get home until after midnight. So I didn’t take my prescribed meds. My night was a tad restless but boy did I have a productive day the following day. I thought I could get used to this but so much doubt. I rely on these meds so so much and scared of the alternative

velvetfaerie

Gonna have a whinge!!

I had a friend from school who I lost contact with over 20yrs ago. Randomly ran into her, over 3yrs ago, talked a lot and gave her my number. She said she would text me her number.

Nothing.... until tonight. She wanted me to do something. Something I could attempt but I do not have the bits and pieces I need to to a good job. I suggested for a good outcome seek an expert with access to what is needed.

Cue the sob story. Wahhh no money wahhh this and that.

This person and her husband have a 2 to 3 million dollar property and the income to keep it, keep kids, have a huge menagerie of animals and fished for me to drive all the way over, asap....

I ignored her.

Happy weekend everyone!!!