This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Callignee]

Hi Velvet - thanks for the reply and welcome. Yoga sounds good. Hopefully relaxing and helps anxiety and sleep.  I try to get some running for meditation and calming effect.

[Airies]

Hello folks, almost home after cruise around Oz. Currently in Tassie. I could escape and live here then again I said that about Brisbane and Perth. Have I enjoyed myself yes and no. My wife had a fall in cabin , blacked out, was out to it and ended up with bruises, black eyes the whole lot.This was so so scary. I forgot all my training in dealing with medical emergencies. All good now.

Im over people rushing for lifts , not following basic hygiene, ferals, and people overall. There’s 3500 people on this convict junk and never again. The treadmill and recumbent bike have been good but I’ve put on some weight.Travelling with brother in law and sister in law which has been hard.

ive been very highly vigilant and on alert this journey. 
id love to do yoga. 
God I sound like a grumpy old mad.

cheers

[velvetfaerie]

You were probably on the same cruise as my Aunty!!! Hahaha. 

Glad your wife is good now...... bruises = make up covers those! Black eyes though? Poor love!!! 

I am about to start holidays... early. I broke yesterday after many things in 2 days. Zero communication where relevant re work, microagressions from another person, and never being heard. Never an apology. They're above admitting mistakes. We all make mistakes!!! Constant ones of the same ilk are choices!!! The expectations based on snobbery and entitlement miff me no end!!!

So, Dr appointment this afternoon..... calling their bluff. They are relying very heavily on me the next 2 days, including the use of MY vehicle for work because no one could communicate in a timely manner. How about no, and here is my certificate!!! 

[quirkywords]

Hello. CAllignee welcome to the forum and this page.

I found yoga helpful when younger but find it hard ro do floor exercises. O was I feel dizzy. I now do standing or sitting yoga. 

[quirkywords]

Aries I have never been on a cruise but partner wants me to go. my idea of a holiday is to stay at home while others go away!!

[Airies]

Welcome  Callignee. Quirky I’m not in a hurry to do any more in a hurry. I should be grateful but I found it taxing.

Asdff I hope you are doing ok and others as well.

Im back into intermittent fasting and counting calories. I do need to do something.

A new tattoo with the inscription one day at a time is coming along with another one.

My upcoming psychiatrist has come around quickly….

[velvetfaerie]

Rant incoming......... So, apparently you can pay tens of thousands of dollars every year in taxes, rates, insurance premiums etc and... guess what? You get stuff all for it.

Today a drunk hoon smashed through my front fence. Totalled it. Drove off. I am glad the fence slowed them down because I was in the room just beyond it. 

Police = could not have cared less. Ok. Low hanging fruit, sure, but, fill in this form online.

Can't. Needs vehicle details and I have none... it was a hit and run that I didn't see, I only heard!!!! 3 phone calls, and useless, rude people unable to help re the form. I break down. I only needed help with the form!!! 

I called insurers. I got helpful info. Will call back tomorrow when I can think better. 

My local council also doesn't bother issuing infringements for people who have parked on my verge without my consent and that is damaged too. I mean wheel ruts and all. I am responsible for its maintenance and yet the council will not enforce their own bilaws!!!! 

I have zero faith in the police force now.

I have nothing but complete and utter contempt for every level of government. I hate them. Corporatism has destroyed society.

Over and out!!!

[velvetfaerie]

This am I was knocked over on the footpath by an e-scooter. 2 hit and runs in 17hrs.

He charged up behind me and the dog, no bell, didn't slow down, was flogging along at well over 30km/hr, didn't stop/yell out to see if I was ok, or glance back. I was just inconvenient rubbish in his way. I lost my absolute bundle after this. There is only so much a person can take, especially when all I have been doing is existing!!!

I am ok physically, but feeling very dehumanised/depressed. Apparently it's ok to run people down/damage property and just go about your day.  

The cops were wonderful this morning though. They really wanted to help any way possible. 

[Callignee]

HI Quirky - thanks for the welcome.  yoga does sound a possibility for relaxing the mind. i was also thinking of tai chi or wing chun for getting out.   At home I tend to relax with old 70s and 80s music It takes my mind off things, When struggling getting out for a run helps.

[asdff]

Oh Airies, I’ve not been on a cruise but have thought about it. I don’t like the idea that I can’t get off, my moods are all over the place and sometimes I need to escape. Like tonight after dinner, well we had all finished I wanted to leave so have come up to bedroom. I’ve been okay/ okayish. Had lots on; major surgery for a family member, helping said family member sell house. The main one that tips me over is when my children have odd days off school. We just had school holidays, then they got Monday off for public holiday, then today for parent teacher interviews, then another day for the same thing next week. It’s okay if the kids were using it to study or learn to drive or work at their casual job. Nope sleep and then go out with friends. There is a lot of button pushing around here and I am taking a step back. They don’t appreciate me. So I’m not going to over extend myself. 

I look forward to reading what you’ve all been up to. Velvet I saw the body camera and dog walking post. Gosh, people are just wrong!