This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

Aries, that sounds like the Northern US/Canada! I wanna go too!! Medical professionals should not be judgemental or gaslight. That annoys me.

Resting is a good thing guys. I have done things, and nothing. I haven't slept this well in years!!! Maybe it is because of my gut issues. 

Not doing Christmas is a freedom. Freedom from shops, extortionate capitalism, etc etc.

I learnt, well, it was confirmed, I am the black sheep/scapegoat in my family. I visited a long term family friend who calls things what they are. He said he is not liking my dad anymore. He has always been negative but he is out and out nasty now. Yeh I am not sad about my boundaries!!! 

[asdff]

Guess what’s back? The depression. Why can’t that just go away. It’s like being stuck on an escalator that won’t move or it’s like a trap door is in front of you and no matter how hard you push it won’t move. Gosh it’s debilitating.  I was having a social conversation with someone the other afternoon about our affliction and she was shocked and surprised how we feel. I think do people live under a rock? This person had worked in a Government Medical Department. I would love to be oblivious to other’s problems, just go about my merry way in my own little world. 

[Airies]

Right on the money Velvet. North America. Looking after granddaughter as another one comes into the world. ASDFF, I feel for you. I’ve been right at the bottom. My meds as much as I hate them keep me on an even keel mostly.,I’m all over the shop in other regards flitting from one thing to another.Im never really satisfied. Im fortunate enough that have a good support network. Was gutted when my psychiatrist finished up. I was lucky to get picked up by another only when I was an inpatient and mentioned I would see her infrequently. I more or less had to plead. Many psychiatrists have retired or moved on and this private facility and there is talk of this facility closing. 

[velvetfaerie]

HAH! Aries, you're gonna have your hands full. Oh what fun, and I say this sincerely. I have an open invite through work connections to go to Missouri and meet said connections. One day, (estimate 12-24 months and there is a very good financial reason for this). 

I have to go back to work tomorrow. I don't wanna!! I most certainly needed the 2.5 weeks away from there/existing in society solo. 

The medical sector is losing its shine. I can tell you right now it is intertwined with a few things including the tertiary sector. Government jobs. The next 6 to 12 months is going to be VERY interesting to say the least. 

I waffle. I need to find my hot pink unicorn lunch cooler, (no wonder people think I am odd), and sort myself for work tomorrow. 

High fives, hugs and cake to all!!!

[Airies]

Velvet, you don’t waffle.A hot pink unicorn lunch cooler. Hard to misplace. I’m odd as well. I’d label us special. I’ve a nose ring and a number of tats and another one coming with the grandson coming. A lot of this coming in the last few years. I have reached the point in life where I don’t care what people think. Have a smooth transition to working. Hugs also what’s everyone’s favourite cake? Me a sponge, vanilla slice and a  crème brûlée 

“ 

[velvetfaerie]

AHHAHA!! I have a nose ring and a number of tatts too! I also have a labret. 

I am almost there re not caring what people think. I get ganged up on, dehumanised etc at work which is the complete opposite of what they preach. Behaviour is a language and I prefer conversation with intelligent people who can discuss/disagree like adults. 

I am valuing my alone time more and more because I get to reinvest in myself. 

[quirkywords]

Aries Velvet Asdff,  I have a question. Has anyone suffered anxiety at any time. Obviously I have had depression and be worried a but but never anxiety. Now I  find it hard to travel for more  than ten mins in car or 30 mins in a train, very anxious about my bad teeth  and many other things. I know that my domestic life causes me anxiety but it hasn’t previously. I try meditation, deep breathing, visualisation etc. 

I like reading your posts .

velvet I waffle a lot. Asdff I sort of know my depression but anxiety is new unwelcome  guest.

i like banana cake and most homemade cakes Aries 

[Airies]

Hi Quirky,

I get flustered anxious at times. I’m often in a constant state of irritation. Train trips, walking on wet concrete paths, escalators, I could go on.All things that once weren’t an issue. Maybe it’s an age thing 

the passages of time have been unkind but I’m a survivor 

[quirkywords]

Aries, I hardly ever cried but now I get frustrated .

S

As an o,der woman some expect me to wear twin sit and learn in beige. I were colourful and patterns that don’t match and way out leggings. Don’t care I am comfortable!,,,

[velvetfaerie]

I have learnt that behaviour is a language, and if people are judgemental and cruel over things that do not negatively impact their lives, it says a lot about them!!!!