This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Airies]

I’ve always been slow in that department. I’m injecting meds for weight loss. Well that clogs you up. I’m marking the calendar when  I’m successful. Day seven of applying paw paw we times a day for this skin cancer treatment. Can’t believe people have this done to look younger.

It’s sunny here as well. Lovely but I cant go outside for a few more days.

I used to love going on the old trains the red rattlers and have fond memories of a train trip holiday from Melbourne to sunny Queensland.

[quirkywords]

Asdff 

my dr said I need a colonoscopy to get an IBIS.

i am enjoy reading  Velvets and Aries and Asdff comments. 

[velvetfaerie]

I am at wits end. When you need help or advice and you ask people and they shrug you off...... what do you do?

I feel my existence is based on being everyone else's personal assistant, calendar, therapist etc but if I ask for a recommendation, or even basic communication, pffft. How dare the peasant require anything!!! 

My parents definitely have dementia, among many other serious health issues. The medical community is being negligent and I have no legal standing to intervene.... for all I know my parents are lying to their Drs too.

Mum gaslights me or plays the guilt card. 

Dad I dont speak to because he is a terrible human being. 

I also need some help with tradies for my home. No one will recommend anyone for me. One demanded cash only, large sum. Ok. I feel this could be dangerous!!!!

I am so fed up.

[quirkywords]

Velvet that is frustrating.

in my life I feel I am invisible.  People tell me their problems  but don’t listen to me. 
I have no answers but I feel for you. 

[Airies]

Velvet, I feel for you. Don’t know the answers. You come across as a very giving person. I guess people don’t get us. Walk a mile in our shoes and they might have the slightest inkling. I hope things improve.. it’s not much fun with aging parents. Might have passed.Mum had dementia.

I’ve reached out to a couple of friends who I had cut off last year with a view of catching up once or twice a year.See how it goes. Former work colleagues as well so it might be a trigger.

I’m off for a walk. It’s cool , the suns out but need to cover up and use a good sunscreen since my face treatment. Skin is smooth as but so vulnerable.

[velvetfaerie]

Face treatment? Oohhh pampering stuff? I'm really lucky in that people think I'm 10yrs younger than I am. That's a win!!!

Sigh* the week that kept on giving I tell ya.

Frustrations with my favourite narcissistic manager. I played back. Hard.

Also, how's this.....  the tradie dudes i made an enquiry with, who said a day and time and for me to confirm, which I didnt, decided to just show up at my home today. I had to ask them repeatedly to show me where I confirmed, and coconsented. He couldn't because I didn't. One was almost on my roof and I said "you both have 60 seconds to leave or I'm phoning the police. I have you car, number plate, faces and this conversation all recorded. You have no confirmation or consent and ill have you charged with trespassing. You now have 50 seconds."

These ones also demanded a large sum of cash, which is why I didn't confirm. I found someone else.

They left. I reported them to the ACCC.

MY DOG, slept through the whole thing. He had one job. ONE JOB!!! He has let his whole breed mix down. ONE JOB MATE!!! 

[asdff]

I wonder why I bother? I sent a message to someone that has had a relationship breakdown. Just a message to say I was thinking of her and the kids. Then get a call from a mutual party to  she doesn’t want to talk about what is happening in her life. I wasn’t asking for a phone call or even a message back. So for being kind and caring I get punished. Can you see how I got mixed messages as a child? The person that called me was a close family member. Makes me frustrated. 

[velvetfaerie]

Sounds like they peaked in high school.

[asdff]

I’m finding so hard to stay on task today. Grrrr. The weather is lovely here today after a stupidly freezing week. 

[velvetfaerie]

I went bananas at work last week.

I told it like it was to the lazy and the bullies.

My new boss is awesome at least. I have said I will resign if some things aren't worked on.

She needs me. Yes I know, hence the leverage honey!!!