This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[asdff]

Hi everyone, I tried to come on and post yesterday but on my phone it wouldn’t let me. I’m tired. School Holidays make things difficult.  I can’t follow my routines. I have my kids with their needs and demands. The cold weather does not help.   

[Lisa611]

1. Hi All...I spent the last 2 days with my parents. Dad is in his 80s and Mum is in her late 70s. My Dad comes across as a control freak. To be honest I think that's where the bipolar comes from. I'm sure he's undiagnosed with some sort of mental health issue. He gets around with a walker and gets very frustrated as he used to be really active. I'm really feeling the cold especially at night. I'm not planning on doing much this week. My daughter is on a ferry going to Santorini! Am happy that she's travelling but I can't help but worry.

[velvetfaerie]

I get frustrated being inside all day on bad weather days! I can imagine frustration at age related changes.

Today was more of the worst kind of news you can get regarding a family member. Plus grave concerns for another.

I'm just absolutely gob smacked at this year. 

I'm a bit lost for words. Making some food as I didn't eat today.

At least school hols are over?

I heard santorini is absolutely gorgeous.

[asdff]

Lisa, your description of your Dad sounds like mine. My Dad is a super control freak. He puts on the front that it is all PTSD however after being in therapy myself I know that lots of his “issues” are bipolar. Your lucky daughter, I’ve not been to Greece but it’s on the Bucket List. Does your Mum change her behaviour to please your Dad? I see that in my Step Mother. Plus us kids, we’ve all spent our lives trying to not upset Dad. My Brother as an Adult stands up to him. I don’t. I don’t have the energy nor the make brain that he can relate to. He chastises us and then does exactly the thing you weren’t meant to do. Any wonder I’ve got BP? Yeah I’m not doing well. I’m ready for my routine to come back. Next week school goes back here. Tuesday 😩 Sorry for your bad news Velvet. 

[quirkywords]

Velvet
That must be so difficult and sad to have so much bad news on top of the other pressures in your life.

Lisa

Was your dad controlling or in last few years.

Asdff

i hope you feel better once your routine come back. 

[velvetfaerie]

Honestly I can't think very well at the moment and work has a heap of things that needs a good thinking brain. I just can't give it at the moment. Everyone 

I'm like a floppy doll.

I'm OK at the moment just a headache. 

The sun is out and that's good because it's been freezing here this week.

[Airies]

Velvet so sorry about your bad news and it seems as the saying goes when it rains it pours. You come across as a bit of a Trooper and like all of us have the ability to pick ourselves up off the floor. It’s freezing here, no sun and a non excercise day which compounds into a not so flash sleep.

Went to the flicks yesterday at an alternative theatre, bit old school with usherette, ham and cheese sandwiches and watched Elvis. I had goosebumps at the start and cried and the end. I can still remember the day Elvis died. Funnily enough my wife and I went to the same theatre,same seats and an hour in watching an Iranian film complete with subtitles and thinking my god this is a long intro film , my wife realised it was the wrong day… so funny.

Santorini is beautiful.Visited there on our cruise. Lisa your daughter will have so many fond memories. It was part of our European cruise and then my world came crashing down upon our return. But like all of you I’m still here.

Asdff, like you I need routine. I am so regimented to the point of being robotic and then erratic.It’s a tough give being a parent.

[Lisa611]

My Dad has always been a control freak. I grew up in a typical European family. My Dad was the king of his castle. My Mum was submissive. It was hard when I was a teenager. My parents believed in smacking kids. If I was a kid today it would be considered physical abuse. Asdff I don't stand up to him. I think why bother now. My mum is more assertive now. He thinks it's because he's disabled that she's like that. I would say I grew up in a dysfunctional family for sure.

[velvetfaerie]

Dr tomorrow. After my boss was unreasonable regarding a task I've had it. How am I supposed to read Emails, help with work away from Offices, drive work vehicles all at once? I can't. But someone I am supposed to. I advocated for myself and asked for a few more days to read and plan and get it right. I can't think or focus coz of everything. No. Her holiday is more important than my health which simply meant being given some breathing space. 

No.

Ok. Well.... the job won't get done now.

Should've negotiated fairly.

[quirkywords]

Velvet

I am sorry you were treated so badly. 
York so hard but they expect the impossible.