This bipolar life
Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.
Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.
Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.
Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.
Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope
Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.
Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.
I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!
Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.
So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.
I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!
I find flowers are emotional to me as they bring back memories. Lavender reminds me of my nan who smelt of lavender and I had the tem growing outside my shop. Now I have lots of lavender at my home and I smile and smell them every day.
Do others have flowers that bring up memories, .?
velvet I like so many birds and we are lucky Australia has so many .
Quirky, flowers yes but not so many memories. Smells evoke memories for me. Particularly perfume. My Mum wears a particular perfume. If I smell a lady in the supermarket/shops I follow her, for a bit. To smell the perfume. Not to be a stalker!!!
I saw my psychologist yesterday. I am to change the narrative of negative comparison to a positive comparison. Sounds easy enough in theory. I hope you all have an okay day.
I need to think about a negative comparison to a positive one.
Is this just for comparisons we make or those that others make for us.
For example I can see that most of the people I went to school had professional careers, or were successful as entrepreneurs, I make this comparison and so can say well 8 have done other things with my life, I volunteer , and I live with mental health issues.
When others compare me to others like others and they say 8 am older than you and an run a marathon etc and I am very
Friends not seen in years. Interesting theory that one. One to ponder.
I've put my foot down again. My personal mobile number has been put on work doccuments.
I asked a manager what is the go? She agreed it's wrong. She also said they're not paid to be on call. I'm like hmm.... huge salary, perks and a work phone and yet I get none of those things and my number was used?
Ok then. I'm blocking every work related number I have and won't have my phone on me during work hours. Let's see how well that works.