This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

Been wondering what it's like to be included in things. Had a staff lunch yesterday and I spent the time pretty much alone and quiet watching the others.

Been watching friends things on social media.

Been contacted by friends for help and a shoulder and stuff. Never for a social invite.

I'm partly depressed and also a bit liberated. Really hard to explain. Not surprised but questioning my worth. Feeling used. Hurt. Liberated because I see them and I'm wondering just how self absorbed they are? They are all about being inclusive and open. I guess that's only when it suits agendas.

I'm off to the gym then taking doggo to vet for routine bloods as per policy. Disappointed that my friend has said she's telling the coordinator I binned all about what the go is and including photos of my home without my consent.

I think I'll just keep this guy and be done with the organisation.

[wail]

Asdff and Aries I have never ran for exercise but I admire those who can or who have it must feel amazing to cut through the air using your own two legs. I have tried but my body does not respond well to running.

I've taken to greeting my refection as I can't avoid it when I get out of bed, crazy maybe but it is also fun. I said Hello Princess, and then laughed all the way down the hall at my own mockery.

Velvet I to stay on the outside of groups mainly because I find social etiquette mostly Baloney. It rubs me up so I keep clear. Most of my interactions are need based, I like people who shoot straight- like you do.

[velvetfaerie]

Fake people are the norm. Fake people don't like real people. They find it offensive. Well I'm happy being me. I have never once conformed to expectations and I won't start. It's worked fine for me so far.

Oh the sun is beautiful today. Once I'm done with the adulting I'm out there in it!!!!

[quirkywords]

I have never felt included Velvet , I often feel the odd one out.

I wonder do others feel like this too.

I think if we have. Even excluded we go out of a way to welcome others and make them feel included.m

[velvetfaerie]

Very true and spot on words Quirky. I agree whole heartedly.

The doggo trip to the vet was a circus. Lucky I'm experienced. Oh boy bes a handful. And the clinic was very badly organised. Terrible. But we got there In the end and it took 4 of us to get bloods from the dude.

[wail]

Poor doggo he's not gonna be easy to take back to the vets in the future, what a fluff up. Yesterday I had a not well day, unsure if it was the vacc or just general stress. Still waiting to see how I feel today...

[velvetfaerie]

Na. He's had bad experiences there lots by the looks. Can desensitise train him but it will take a very long time. Lots of effort. Time.

Fluff up. So much fluff. The inside of my car needed a wax there was so much fluff.

[quirkywords]

Wail

I hope you have a better day today.

In the past I would have one day not so good then the next ok .

I used to think what it would be like to not worry how I would feel the next day. I know there are people like that.

[velvetfaerie]

Whoops. Sorry to hear you had a bad day wail. Let's hope today is better.

I have to go and once again deal with the pharmacy. They've lost one script. They have another wrong regarding remaining doses and then told me to change the remaining number myself. Pretty sure that's illegal with this class.

If they don't fix things or have a good explanation I'll get my Psych to call them +/- report them to the pharmacist board. It's really a poor effort when they can't count, lose scripts and fail to follow Dr instruction.

[Airies]

That doesn’t sound good V.Luckily mine have finally got things right. They are all under the pump and vaccines to boot. I only go in once a fortnight which is enough and pay the extra for Webster packs which has been a godsend.

Cant wait for warmer weather. Typically Spring but so much rain. Trying a radical diet OMAD , basically one meal a day and even then a small serve. Only day 2 lol. My stomachs rumbling…