This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Airies]

Hi Autumn Leaves, I was diagnosed in 2015 with BP1 and recently BPAD. I’m late 50s , medicated and on a disability pension due to mental health and PTSD. I take one day at a time but good.
Lisa I live in a suburb of a residential city. I used to live by the sea, busy over Summer but we downsized a few years ago. I don’t miss the sea or the old house.

Asdff I would hang out with you and the others anytime. I watch people am hyper vigilant, comes from observing people as part of my job.

V I hope this finds you better. Food poisoning awww. Do you know what set you off?. Yesterday I set off a fat fire in the Webber, burnt snags and I tripped over some wood and crashed into the fence before this. Old and wobbly not good.

Quirky, how are you doing? I gather the weather is similar there to here in Southern Vic. How are others coping with the shorter days. I haven’t ridden in a week, walking though but not the same

[velvetfaerie]

I know what set me off and I feel like a twit. Mayonaise! I am very strict on best before and use by dates. I have spent 7d in hospital before with Salmonella typhimurium poisoning. After the gut fireworks, I went back and looked at the food item in quesiton and YEP! I STUFFED UP. May have been Salmonella AGAIN, but not as severe. **head desk* DER!

Food accidents for all hey Airies? Have you turned another year older yet? It sucks as you get older you get less sure footed! Had this discusssion with an old friend the other day about this! I hope the snags survived? HAHAH.

I find winter a drag. Still nice sunny days here at the moment.... cold nights though. I will be walking soon to the train home YAY.

V.

[asdff]

Airies be careful. I am clumsy at the moment. I walked into a piece of gym equipment last week. This morning I walked into the same piece! I bruise easily too. I think I will start walking the other way around. I know it’s because my mind is distracted. Also because this piece juts out.

I am off to an orthodontic appointment with daughter. I am okay with this one because I know what they are doing and roughly how long it will take. Last weeks one I was anxious. I didn’t know how long the appointment would take.

[Lisa611]

Quirky I'm not good at small talk either. I also find that when people ask you how you are they are not really asking. Went back to work today. It was a pupil free day which means people talk at you for most of the day on things like the school plan. The kids come tomorrow. Am feeling flat. Saw the principal and chatted briefly. She didn't mention or ask me how I was doing just polite chit chat about the holidays. I would of liked it if she had asked. That's the thing when you work in a school. It can be a bit impersonal. When you work in the public system you are just a number. The school I work at has about 1200 kids. The principal likes things to run her way. There is alot I don't agree with.

[Airies]

Velvet, sounds nasty indeed. I’m slack when it comes to wearing gloves in the garden. I tend to have issues when stuffing around with the worm farm.A lifelong habit of chewing my nails doesn’t help. The snags were burnt to a crisp, so I pulled the Webber to bits, cleaned it and had fun not reassembling it. Last night mash. Peas and corn quite didn’t cut it.
Asdff that sounds funny but it’s not. I’d be the person walking into it the third time. My meds don’t help and more often then not not focused on the task at hand. I get anxious too tonight helping getting dinner together . My life is so structured, only do a few things and then get overwhelmed. I startle so easily these days, yet used to be cool as a cucumber once. Guess another judgement.

Lisa that sounds like a big school. Is it coed or single sex? I went to a tech school boys, long gone and demolished and it’s all zoned now. I loved English and Australian History and had a crush on my Year 11 Australian History Teacher. A single sex school made me shy around girls for a number of years ..

[quirkywords]

Great to see so much conversatiom.

Autumntree glad you have a plan.

People who accept us at our worst are like diamonds.

Asdff, a friend that makes you feel like sunshine is a nice descripttion.

I also like someone who just gets me and I dont have explain myself to and who I can bet otally at ease with.

I usally think of shell fish or chicken or raw meet for food poisoning, not mayonnaise. Velvet hope you feel ok.

Aries I live in a regional are that gets cold, i dont much about your state.

Lisa, I worked at a primary school with special needs children and if I was having a bad day I would say I had a UTI because that got me sympathy and understanding. It wasnt a lie as I did get them a lot. I admire tyou for teaching highschool students I liked them small and sweet and not talking back but Even 15 years ago the children were talking back as young as 7.

[Lisa611]

Airies it is a co-ed school. Quirky some of the students can be challenging. Some have an attitude and are just not interested in learning. I find the disruptive ones the hardest to handle. Getting the kids to put their phones away is also a problem. It doesn't surprise me that some start in primary school. I have seen some shocking behaviour. I taught in an outback rural school which had alot of Aboriginal students once. That was a totally unique experience. A real eye opener. Sometimes I wish I could change jobs but I'm not trained to do anything else. I don't really like the school I'm at. This is my 6th year there. They do alot of things that I don't agree with but I have to make out that I'm supportive.

[quirkywords]

Lisa when I was in my late 40s I moved to a small coastal town and opened a bookshop with gifts etc was always my dream. I had grown tired of teaching and enjoyed being my own boss.
Do you have a dream job?

[velvetfaerie]

I would like a job where I am treated as an equal, not less of a human being with less *entitlement* as a parent in the workplace. I am resentful and angry. My manager wilfully ignored my requests for leave. Well, I CAN PLAY TOO!

Between the 3 vitamin deficiencies, burn out, a snoring partner who STILL won't address the issue, 2 chronic health conditions, (not including the MH aspect), having to also do homely chores on top of working fulltime, THIS IS WHY PEOPLE GO POSTAL PEOPLE

[velvetfaerie]

*crawls to the coffee machine in an attempt to not only mask with humour, but to get some energy*