This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Lisa611]

V - hope you are feeling better

I had the flu vac last week. Today I went and visited my eldest daughter. It was nice just to hang out with her and her partner. Youngest daughter went and saw a share accommodation place yesterday which is dog friendly. She's taking the dog over there this afternoon to meet the other tenants. I hope she gets it. Brought a nice winter coat from an op shop yesterday. Got it for a bargain it's good quality. Partner has gone to watch the footy. I'm watching it on the telly on my own. Back to work tomorrow : (

How has everyone else spent their day?

[quirkywords]

Kisa

I volunteer in an op shop with the books so dont look at the clothes much, but there are lots of coats which we started selling in March as the weather has ben so cold and my town is in a cold area..

[Lisa611]

Quirky I'm not sure if I could live somewhere that is colder than normal. Although I find it easier to rug up and be warm than cooling down in the heat. I met my daughter in the inner city last night for dinner and the op shop was still open as it was on the main Street. It only had clothes but there was a bookstore open as well. I didn't go in. I went for a walk whilst I was waiting for her to turn up. Lots of restaurants and bars and interesting little shops. Young people everywhere. I can see why she wants to live in the inner city.

[Lisa611]

Quirky do you live in a small town? I lived in a small country town for 10yrs when I was married. It only had 2 main streets. Everybody knew everyone's business it was like living in a gold fish bowl.

[quirkywords]

lisa

I like the hustle and bustle of inner city but for just the weekend,

I live in a town medium size a couple of hours from a big city.

My shop and home used to be a small town with a

petrol station, craft gift and bookshops and a population around 400.

[asdff]

Velvet are you feeling better now? Food poisoning is revolting. Sometimes it comes on quickly. Sometimes during the night.

hi Autumntree, I am BP type two. I get deep depression. My goals are to be here for my family. I used to have career goals. I see things differently to other people. Probably the same as other BP people. My husband thinks some of my reasoning is sh5t. I get jealous, I very observant and I listen. I pick up on subtleties. I often feel uncomfortable in social situations, where people are being fake. Like “Keeping up with The Jones”. I would much rather hangout with genuine people.

Airies, I’m glad you got a cry out.

[quirkywords]

Asdff

I often feel uncomfortable in social situations where some people pretend it wear a mask. I am not good at small talk. When a stranger asks how I a m I know they just want me to say I am fine and not the truth.
after the fires I observed people fell uncomfortable when I told them what had happened and how I felt. They would often change the subject to the weather or say pass the salt type of comment. I know other peoples problems can be hard to listen to for some people.

Autumntree we are thinking of you .

[autumntree]

Hi Everyone,

Thank you for all of your kind replies and for welcoming me into your group. Wonderful to hear that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I'm doing much better now I have the diagnosis and can work to get better. I've started on a mood stabilizer which I'm hoping will help.

Asdff and Quirky, I agree with you that it is difficult when people ask you how you are without really wanting to hear the answer. The good news is that these people make you realise how wonderful the real people in your life are. The ones that accept you whether you are are in a high, low or stable mood.

[velvetfaerie]

Better here. Tender in tummy still, but mildly and nausea but also not as bad. Had to drag butt to work. NO staff. I am not working hard though. I have barely eaten in 2 days LOL.

Genuine people are hard to find and I pick up on fake a mile away. I hate it. Be true to yourself and authentic and you will be much happier. Genuine interest in conversation is another rarity. They only listen for their turn to speak, not to listen and engage and play the to and fro tennis game of conversation.

These reasons are probably why my circle is very small. Plus being the one who always puts in the effort to maintain friendships. I don't bother anymore unless it is with people who put in effort too. Weeds out those who use you.

V.

[asdff]

Autumn I like the saying find people who feel like sunshine. Two of my school friends have seen me at my worst and a schedule mum. So a parent of my child’s friend. I know this School Mum gets anxiety, so she gets some of the mind tricks/struggles is BP peeps go through.

Velvet, glad you are on the mend.