This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Anna

thank you because it is people like you that helps this thread be a supportive place.

we all have or own struggles and stories . I am so glad this thread is here because when my children were young there was no internet or beyond blue.
I know it is hard for you waiting . We are all thinking of you . You are not alone.
take care

[velvetfaerie]

Can't sleep. I have mild side effects from the flu jab. Nothing unexpected for me but it's so annoying.

Hope you guys are going well.

Still thinking of you Anna. Hope you find a path while in hospital.

[Lisa611]

Airies - thinking of you today as you see your son off.

Anna - thinking of you also. I hope your hospital stay helps you and the meds get sorted.

[asdff]

Velvet, did you eventually get to sleep? Hi Anna, come on here and chat. I hope you are snuggled up in a hospital bed.

I got yelled at by my husband because of a phone update. I love how I try to do the right then, then it turns to sh$t. Story of my life. Anyway Grumpy has gone to work. I feel like sh$t that started yesterday. Got to love the feeling of someone sitting in your chest. I’m notcrying all day. So that is a plus. I did manage to drag myself to the gym. I couldn’t do that before taking a mood stabiliser. I know I am piss!d off that in laws took the other grandchildren away. While their mother went on holiday. It was offered I could go and take our two children. Ah no thanks. Then I would have to deal with four children not two. Plus one of those children is hard work. I have an appointment with daughter today. It should be okay.

[velvetfaerie]

No sleep. Got up and was productive. Now on couch with eyeballs hanging out. Will attempt nap later as I have to go collect the man thing from the airport this evening.

Grumpy men. Fun times. Not. Over a phone update. Bigger things to cracm it over in the scheme of things.

I hope the day improves improves you asdff.

Airies I hope you're OK too.

And quirky and Anna.

Once the bread is finished with the baking I'll try and snooze.

[Airies]

Anna, so sorry I haven’t replied to your posts. I have the attention span of a gnat or is it ant ? Not sure of the saying. We’ve all been where you are. Sounds like your in the best place and have support.
Grumpy men can relate lol, those phone updates are a pain I don’t like the flow on effect all the changes. Hmmm. I can smell the bread baking from here. Yummo V I’m going to come over and have some. Also partial to fresh scones as well.
Lisa yep my dogs pretty important to me. Even more so when my son leaves in a few hours time. The house is empty:( just back from an eventful walk. Walking alongside the rail trail a big dog maybe a Great Dane bull mastiff comes running and barking through the fence, has a go at my dog and in my efforts to evade this beast I loose my balance and end up head first with only my feet visible in the bushes. I’m covered I scratches and the owner says are you ok. I’m getting old, last thing I expected but luckily my dog is ok.

asdff good on you for going to gym. My mood stabilisers leave me numb and unable to cry, although who knows what will happen when son departs. My wife understandably was balling her eyes out this morning. I only hope his wife gets the rubber stamp on her visa sooner rather then later and moves over to the Uk to be with him.
Quirky hope you are doing ok. How are you and others coping with Autumn ? It’s a lovely time of year but I’m dreading Winter

[Lisa611]

I'm definitely someone who needs their sleep. I get all anxious when I can't sleep. I remember when I had my first episode that I didn't sleep properly for weeks. I got my car serviced today and did school work. The place my daughter was supposed to be moving into in May has fallen through.

Asdff - I would feel the same way about looking after 4 children instead of 2 especially during the school holidays

V - don't tell me you also bake bread?! Lol

[velvetfaerie]

Oh man yeh when I don't sleep I'm a jitterbug. I've not stopped. I tried to nap. I must've dozed off as I drooled. Ahhaahha.

Lisa yeh the bread machine did it.

Airies man thing will eat it before you even get here ahhahaa.

[quirkywords]

Aries I cry too much and have been on same mood stabiliser for over 30 years.

Velvet when I dont sleep much which is every night I am told I am ghrumpy but then am also told I am always grumpy!!

Lisa I have had bad sleep for decades so have no idea what I would do if I ever slept more than 2 hrs at a stretch!!

Is your daughter upset about chnage of plans.

asdff I admire your determination to take yourself to gym. Some days I have to force myself to walk to shops and back which is about a 20 minute walk each way.

Anna, I hope you slept ok . You are in our thoughts.

[asdff]

Oh Airies, sending hugs from afar. I hope you and son will do regular FaceTime/video chats.

I’m back from an orthodontist appointment with daughter quicker than I thought I would be. I knew what she was having done but had no idea how long it would take. I don’t like unknown. I Googled the procedure but it didn’t say how long it would be.

Still don’t feel great. Haven’t shifted the weight from my chest. In response to still going to the gym. It’s the only place I don’t overthink, that and being in the garden. My hands are busy and my brain is trying to catch up.