This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

That is a good way to put it. "Social secretary." I call it "entertainment service."

This time of year is nothing more than fake efforts which should exist year round, not just because the calendar tells us to! I hate it.

[quirkywords]

Asdff and Velvet and everyone reading

It is a time for social secretaries and fake efforts.

I find people who rarely talk to me during the year say Merry Christmas.

asdff, I cry when I am tired and frustrated.

[velvetfaerie]

Tonight, I want to watch the planetary conjunction! I could drag out the telescope, but it isn't one with tracking. I will watch the live stream online from fancy pants telescopes ! 😄

[Airies]

V , please explain.I could google but your explanation would make more sense. Asdff I struggle to cry. My meds make me numb.

I’d like to see the back of COVID in 2021 and have things return to “normal”, keep on loosing weight and keep it off. Nothing much else as long as it’s all about me

[velvetfaerie]

Jupiter and Saturn, when viewed from earth, will look like they're sitting on top of each other tonight.
This is the closest the 2 planet's have been in over 400 hundred years."Closest" being when viewed from earth. Hence, this has never been viewed with a modern telescope. I'm going to live stream it from the observatory. Our telescope won't cut it. A new fancy one is on the shopping list.

When I was on medication I was a zombie. I remember.

[quirkywords]

Velvet

that sounds fascinating. I will look up live streaming.

Aries alas with new strains covid maybe around for a while. So many Xmas plans are changing.

[Airies]

Velvet, thank you for the explanation. Wow not worth missing at all. I’d probably poke myself in the eye with it. Shout yourself, you deserve it .
Quirky I agree many things will be the same again. I hate seeing discarded face masks around. A small thing but a bugbear to me

[velvetfaerie]

Discarded face masks, among other things, kill wildlife ! MAKES ME ANGRY!

Christmas just got funny. Once again a big FAT I TOLD YOU SO! I can read his kid like a book. And her maternal corner. Shallow self serving, greedy materialistic LOOSERS ! GRRRRRRRRRR.

Ok, the 13 year old I give some leeway to. I don't hold hope given her disgusting role models.

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

what is the cure for exhaustion, the more the months pass the tireder I become .

[velvetfaerie]

I don't know if there is one, but you can make it less present.
Self care and putting you first. That's how I manage. For the most part.

Seems many people are falling in a heap. A couple of friends have been burning out too. It's sad because I understand and I want to make things better.

Christmas eve...... and it's STINKING hot. Blarhh.