This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Loula,

I think you need a break from work .It is a mental health day not a sickie.

I hope your psych comes up with some coping strategies. I admire you determination to hang in there and keep trying to find a strategy that works for you

Quirky.

[Loula]

I went to the new doctor today and she was lovely. She’s given me some new coping strategies that are fully different to anything I’ve heard before so fingers cross they start working.

I really don’t want to work at the moment but my psychiatrist and new psychologist both want me working and keeping busy so I don’t fall into a deeper depression. But I feel like my battery’s are on empty and I’m going to blow. I’m just going to take it Day at a time and fingers cross I get through the next 5 days of work.

[Tams20]

Hi Loula,

I find work is a great distraction for me - no matter how bad I feel, I always try to drag myself into work because it is the best way of taking my mind off how I am feeling. I was having a terrible day last week - depressed, suicidal thoughts, wondering how I could possibly continue with my life - and I had a really productive and satisfying day at work (with a couple of trips to the bathroom for a good cry 😊). I actually felt better when I got home. If I’d had stayed in bed all day (which is what I wanted to do) who knows how my day would have turned out.

Just take it one day at a time - you’ll push through!

Tams

[quirkywords]

Loula

I am so glad that your doctor has given you one coping strategies. I hope this works out for you.

I can understand working to help you have a routine but can also understand you don't Nat to get exhausted. It is a balance.

One day at a time and hope you get thought the 5 days. All the best.

I am so impressed at how hard you are trying and how determined you are.

Quirky

[Loula]

Hi Tams,

how good is the bathroom!! It’s my home away from work lol. My safety zone. I’m glad you had a productive day and pushed through.

My issue with my work is I’m in retail so I got fun staff and supportive boss as she knows what’s wrong but customers. Omg!!!! Normally it’s water of a ducks back and now it’s like they are sucking the soul at me. No care for anyone and I’m a very caring positive speaking person so 1. It confusises me seeing ugly peoples talk down to strangers and 2. I’m depressed I don’t need that!

I got through yesterday but used my naughty coping strategies. But I got through it and then went on a shopping spree! I’m going high low so fast I can’t keep up. Right now I want to go out and party haha.

thanks Qurikywords words for being proud. You know I’m a fighter but the doctors are like my gosh you are are harsh on your self because I expect perfection.

[quirkywords]

I have often used the bathroom as refuge in both work and social situations.

Tams it is good you can push through the day. I suppose the trick is when to push and when not to over do it.

Loula, I can relate about customers, most days I can smile and be positive but if I am a bit run down I find that customers are very annoying and I am afraid that instead of being very positive and smile sweetly I will say something a bit rude. Especially when customers want bargain with a book that is $4, I find it hard to be positive and I feel very irritable.

Do you find the rapid cycle moods exhausting?

All the best with your coping strategies. I gathered you were a perfectionist which can be ok but when you put unreasonable expectations on yourself.

Quirky

[Tams20]

Hi Quirky,

I had my first visit with the psychiatrist yesterday and she’s confirmed the Bipolar II diagnosis, so I’m officially part of the club! She also said the SSRIs have put me in a mixed state with rapid cycling so I’m looking forward to getting off them!! I’ve got new meds and will be seeing her a few more times until things are more stable. So it’s good to finally be on the right track. Feeling positive 😊

Loula - retail is a different story, I don’t know how you could cope with having to deal with the public when you’re struggling... some people are a-holes for no reason whatsoever... I say do whatever you have to do to cope with that!

Tams

[quirkywords]

hello everyone

Tams, I am glad you feel positive about your diagnosis. Developing a good relationship of trust with your doctpr is important and also telling them exactly how you are feeling.

Loula, how are you going today?

Quirky

[Chloe_M]

Hey Tams (and everyone else!)

Its great that your are feeling positive (as quirky said, hi quirky) about not just your diagnosis but your meds, and getting better! Your positive attitude will make it easier to take steps to keep your bipolar under control.

Here if you need me,

Chloe

[Tams20]

Hi Chloe,

Thanks, yes am trying to be positive! It is a bit strange to think that I will probably be on medication for the rest of my life, but what are a couple of pills if it makes me feel better. Things should only get better from here.

Am here too if you ever need to chat 😊

Cheers, Tams