This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Lady_Stardust]

Quirky, I do understand what you’re saying. It’s frustrating when people say that sort of thing; it’s not all about the external world. Our struggles are mental, and mental health is a very personal thing, can’t be experienced by the people around us, so they should just back off. 😕

Issi, understand what you mean, too. It’s so difficult. Hoping the migraine situation has improved, and people are doing well.

[quirkywords]

Lady-Stardust, Issi and waves to everyone reading.

Lady Stardust,

everyone is different and experiences life differently so it is often hard to know exactly what someone is going through.

I think people often say things that they think are helpful, like why dont you go fo a walk or do a jigsaw or think of others when the person maybe doing all three but they're are not helping.

Sometimes asupportingsmile or hug, just understanding the person is struggling and needs reassuring.

Quirky

[Lady_Stardust]

Absolutely true. Just a little empathy here and there goes a long way, and I don’t think people know how much it does sometimes.

How is everyone?

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone

is everyone bunkering down for the coming cold weather/

Lady_Stardust I agree a little sincere nonjudgmental empathy goes a long way. I try to empathise with out patronising where I can.

Quirky

[Loula]

Hi guys,

sorry been a way for a while. Have actually been checking in and reading but just finding it hard to write if that makes sense.

I went on my holiday and boom hello depression and anger! I was at beautiful beaches and I’m like no I want to stay in bed and sleep! I was not expecting that. I went to a gp on my holiday who helped me with some temporary medication until I got home which helped a lot but it’s one of those you get one script a year and the pharmacist will call the doctor to make sure he wrote out the script meds so I don’t reallly want to be taking them for long.

I came back and saw my psychiatrist and he was really happy with what the doctor did and was like wow this is a bit of a warning sign as you where doing so great so obviously you can be shifted.

So now I’m home into routine and I feel again sad. I feel like self harming. I feel worthless. It’s just like what I thought I had my medication and illness organised but I’ve learnt I can’t control my illness what’s so ever and it sucks.

[quirkywords]

Hi everyone.

Loula great to see your post but sorry you have not been well.

As we have said before getting the right balance with your illness can be hard. You are seeking the right help getting the right information and ;if still sucks.

Do you have strategies to use when you feel like self harming. Do you have someone you can tell.

It is an awful feeling when you think you have your medications organised and ten you are thrown a curve ball.

You have coped before and will cope again.

Keep posting .

Take care

Quirky

[Lady_Stardust]

Quirky, I’m looking forward to any more cold weather. I like nicer warm weather of course, but it can be nice to have an excuse to stay in bed all cosy. And I’ve never seen you be patronising before, so you’re all good with that. :3

Loula, it’s good to see you here again. I’m sorry to hear that your holiday didn’t pan out like you hoped it would, it happens sometimes and it really sucks. Glad you were able to and had the presence of mind to get temporary help, that’s such a good sign of your being able to look after yourself.

I know it can feel so difficult sometimes, and it is difficult. We’re all here for you, and you might find something helpful in the self-harm section of this site, some helpful advice. If you can, be around at least one person, it’s helpful. Stay strong. ❤️

[quirkywords]

Lady_stardust ,

Thanks for your comments. I feel this is a place where there is support and knowing you are not alone. I agree we are here for you Loula and anyone who is struggling as I know others will be there formewhenI need support.

Be kind to yourself everyone.

Quirky

[Issi]

Hi Everyone

I hope a good long weekend was had by all.

My mood has been all over the place lately, wake up feeling good and by the time I’ve showered and dressed I feel flat. I suppose that’s part of the illness that I need to adapt to.

Issi

[quirkywords]

Hi all

Issi the change in moods that can happen very quickly over nothing can be very hard to cope with. especially if there is no reason.

quirky