This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

**adds to list of ammo**

thanks guys.

I can be feisty. I can read and interpret policies and laws. Least I’ve got that on my side lol.

Im just so tired. It’s like permanent brain fuzz.

v.

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone

Velvet, I agree with the others, please get a break , it is a right not an entitlement.

I would tell them I was going, and then send a postcard. Would they sack you? I doubt it as you are so important to the running of your work.

Quirky

[velvetfaerie]

I am much better behaved these days and they’ve had more reason to sack me in the past. Mainly because I’ve been so stressed and unwell due to the treatment I’ve received under one certain manager, I was not sleeping, hallucinating, agressive and wanting to end my life. But I stood up to her eventually and won my sanity back.

I have that meeting this am. I can’t see me getting time off anytime soon though. If that’s the case, I’m making a drs appointment. My days of accommodating every single selfish human in my private and professional life is over.

Stuff em.

[Airies]

Velvet,

sounds like the other manager was a bully.Good on you do standing up to them.Look after number 1 which is you. You certainly haven't come down in the last shower and aren't a fool. I know back in the public service you could have an independent person sitting in.You need a break. It's not worth burning out. Sick Leave, Recreation Leave and RDOs are a given.

Cheers

[velvetfaerie]

Well that manager also gets HER leave and parental entitlements. Every WEEK!

I am having my meeting shortly. I can't see me getting a break for at least a couple of months. In which case I will be making a Drs appointment and too bad. It can all go to rack and ruin for all i care.

Sad thing is parents here get everything flexible. Us non parents don't. At all. There should be some sort of fairness across the board. I understand the need to help the parents out, but hey what if i crash my car between work and home due to this burn out? Not a consideration for these people. Only them and their tax payer funded trips over seas 4, 5, 6 times a year. I told mum if i crash my car, to sue these bastards! I have it all documented.

A few of my colleagues are off on sick leave due to this burn out. I am not alone.

Right. Let the fight begin.

V.

[velvetfaerie]

My treatment by friends, colleagues etc lately has caused me depression and anxiety on top of the bipolar. Exhaustion too. I’ve simply had enough of being kicked by all and sundry.

just saying.

[Issi]

V

There is also a thing called sick leave which I’m sure your doctor would sign off on. Not sure of domestic situation but there also carers leave where you have to take time to look after a sick relative, partner, parent or grandparents it’s very similar to parental leave.

I would take my phone into the meeting and record the meeting so you have a record that you can take to get a second opinion/advice.

YOU ARE IMPORTANT!

Issi

[Issi]

V

If I sound a little pushy, I’m sorry. I really hate bullies.

Issi

[velvetfaerie]

I am pushing the issue 🙂

And I have had a long, painful, traumatic week in many ways not expressed here.

v.

[velvetfaerie]

LOL Carers leave for my parrot?

I am keen. He can be troublesome. HEHEHEH.