This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

OUCHIES!!!

Hope the Dr sorts it out for you. Or something.

[quirkywords]

Loula,

sorry your appendix is being a pian.

I agree with Velevet ouch!!

Hope things improve.

Quirky

[Loula]

I’m in the waiting room now. I hate waiting rooms!!! The only good thing is when you see a sweet old couple come in looking after each other and can see love in their eyes. It’s a beautiful sight long lasting love.

Hopefully the figure something out. But I doubt it. Just be rest of it gets worse go to hospital but need to the note for work. Annoying!!!

[quirkywords]

Loula

I like your description of an old couple. I like seeing older couples holding in hands in public.

I hope they work out what is happening with your appendix . I know it is a bit unsettling not knowing what is going on with your health.

Besides your appendix how do you feel?

Quirky

[velvetfaerie]

A repeatedly rumbling appendix should get whipped out. Just my 2c worth 😄

Mine rumbled once. The surgeon was bored and said "we can take it out if you want. We have nothing else to do." Told them my abdomen is not for their entertainment. Was a funny night !

Let us know how you go.

V.

[Loula]

I just love old people! They are so cute!!!

Velvetfaerie in a perfect world it would but I don’t have private health insurance nor is it a life threatening illness so it will elective surgery and gosh how many years will I wait for that lol! I’m also so scared about going under. Haha we got nothing to do. I would be like hell no!!!!

I had my bloods done and got butchered and now look like a junkie! My white blood cells are high. I had the scan and randomly had major pain around liver and I swear he wrote blood spot so I’m freaking as I took a lot of painkillers to numb the pain for a while but no doctor knows it. But when they do they blood tests on them they come back ok. Well I’ll know more tomorrow.

Im feeling good and weird. It’s like I’m relearning my emotions again. Like if I get excited I’m like am I getting too excited is my meds off and my husband is like no this is normal. Your acting fine and just really happy. I’m so amuned to feeling certain ways this is strange and hard to get use to and understand. Dose that sense?

[quirkywords]

Loula

You make a lot of sense about relearning your emotions.

I used to get worried if I get too happy and have to ask my partner to check I am not going over the top.

Sometimes I am sad but not depressed and have learnt to see the difference.

It takes a while to learn but having someone you trust implicitly who can give you an honest nonjudgmental opinion is really helpful. The thing to watch I feel is other people saying you high when you are not. That is why it must be the opinion of someone you trust that you listen to. of course that is just my thoughts.

I wonder when I will be old enough to be considered cute.

Quirky

[velvetfaerie]

High WBC - hmm wheres the infection? Depends which WBCs are elevated too and to what degree.

SHOOSH Velv.

Dunno what else to say. Bad day at the moment. People are hurtful.

GRRR

V.

[Loula]

Not sure why the WBC are high and where from. But I’ll get results tomorrow.

I don’t like you having a bad day. I agree why can’t people be nice? Or just even human? How hard is it to treat people the way you like to be treated or smile? That’s something that dose my head in. I’m having a sick day today so if you want to chat type away.

Thank you Qurikywords for understanding how I was feeling on that. I’m glad I’m not alone. Yes I only listen to like 4 people and 2 doctors about my health. The others don’t really know me enough. I think it will be a good feeling when I know my feelings are normal and I’m use to all this level feeling.

I’m just nervous that I’ve read people can get unbalanced on their medication. I don’t really understand it. And I’m scared it’s going to happen to me. I assume it can happen to anyone when they are stressed or people can get amuned to the medication.

Have any of you had issues with this before. I feel like I’m still learning about my illness non stop.

[velvetfaerie]

Ahhh 😄 I hope the doctor is helpful tomorrow. And a plan of attack is mounted ! Feeling the way you do is never fun. Ongoing pain is draining. So. Much.

I need a holiday. its been 7 years. I am so fed up with being unimportant constantly. I am upset, teary, angry, ragey.... mixed bag here. Tired too.

Medication - One i was put on wasn't right for me. Didn't work really except made me crave alcohol. Odd huh? So I ended up ballooning out. From then on every other medication that was thrown at me i said no. Days like today I wish i was medicated. **shrug**.

I guess it is a case of keep up the appointments. Be self aware. Be honest. That's the best advice I can offer.

V.