This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Airies]

Quirky,

belated birthday greetings. Happy Birthday for yesterday. Good on you for reaching a milestone. Guess we are similar vintage but it would be rude of me to ask lol.

i gave away my beloved vinyl copy collection to my ex brother in law years ago. Speweing now as when I was young I religiously brought an album each fortnight. My first purchase I remember Breakfast in America by SuperTramp.Had all the Beatles, Lennons stuff. Anyway all gone now and Youtube and Spotify ok but geez vinyl sounded so good.I do have a nice surround sound system with a wicked sub woofer Love to turn it up.

Listening to radio talk stations sounds like a good idea. A nice distraction from the banter in my head. Stayed up later last night. If I've not in bed by 10 or earlier I am rooted.

Emergency chocolate money sounds like a brilliant idea. Could use in daily

cheers

[Lady_Stardust]

Happy (late) birthday, quirky!! Hope you had a wonderful day! 🍰 Very proud of you for seeing a milestone you couldn’t picture yourself seeing! You’re an inspiration. ☺️

Airies, ugh that sucks that you don’t have your collection anymore, but I bet you could get a few of them back cheap from one of the vintage stores and op shops! Op shops especially. Relatable on the staying up too late thing, I stayed up and now I’m not feeling grand. Hope you’re doing better!

I don’t know how I feel exactly at the moment, I just know it’s more in the negative. I think it is that I’m just tired and stressed about nothing in particular. I just want things to be okay.

[quirkywords]

Hello all

Airies, that is bad giving away a collection you liked.

Thanks to stardust an airies for kind wishes

Quirky

[Airies]

Lady,

i hope things pickup. I know if I stay up late, things spiral.i was feeling off a while back, at a loss to explain why and just like you wanted to be ok. Things picked up, I don't know why they just did.i take it one day at a time,sometimes hour by hour and sometimes it's just blah blah.Love your taste in music.I couldn't be bothered going back to vinyl.Youtube, Spotify and music CDs or DVDs are an easy option. Off to psych tomorow to deal with PTSD stuff. A tad nervous,

cheers

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

Aries, I like you advice to take thing some day at a time or hour by hour. Sometimes we forget this simple advice when we feel overwhelmed by our feelings. Thanks for reminding us.

Quirky

[Lady_Stardust]

Airies, thank you so much for your kind reminder, you’re totally right. Just gotta take it slow, take things as they come and try to get through it to the lighter side of it all. 😊 I’m glad that you still have access to all the tunes you want, and I hope that your appointment goes/went well, much power to you!

I’m very tired right now. Not going into my volunteer gig today, perhaps not tomorrow either. I’m not sure. Does anyone else find it kind of amazing that you can feel so bad when nothing has happened, like there’s no exterior influences? Because we’ve been taught that if there’s something wrong, something caused it, right? But when our lives can be fine otherwise and we still feel awful? It’s just, I don’t know. I don’t know where I’m going with this. Ignore my pseudo-philosophical partial ramblings.

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

I am a bit flat today after a weekend away and lots of celebrations. Partner can't understand why I feel this way when I had a lovely weekend.

Lady Stardust

You make a lot of sense. If you are unwell everyone including us wants a reason.

I find it hard if I am down when everyone tells me I should be happy then I feel doubly guilty. Look at that lovely sunset how can you feel so bad.

I think it is a helpful idea to avoid your volunteer gig until you feel better?

Quirky

[velvetfaerie]

I have been busy. Big weekend. Gig, social, etc. I am tired. But enjoying doing positive things with positive people, or just on my own.

Yes Lady, I find sometimes I just feel blue. For no reason at all. I was a bit blue this am but all the walking I have done today has perked me up. More walking to come later AND the gym, hopefully. Just one class. Feeling very self conscious lately.

Emergency chocolate money is naughty 😄 Hasn't stopped me stashing more today AHAHH.

V.

[Issi]

Hi everyone, I realise I’ve been really quiet but I’ve been struggling with a few things. In 2009 I was 112kgs then had gastric bypass, lost 40kgs then had my thyroid out in 2014 and have put on half the weight. I would like to have a revision, but my husband doesn’t want me to. At the moment I feel fat, ugly and does nothing for my self confidence.

On the positive my son passed his vce and now has 2 uni offers.

Issi

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone.

Issi, thanks so much for your update. I am sorry to hear you are struggling with a few things.

Congratulations to your son and to you, that's great news.

Is your husband worry about your health or he likes you just the way you are.

When you feel fat and ugly you don't believe what anyone else says.

Quirky