Purple

[Purple_lady1]

Hi

Was recommended to start my own thread so here it is. The gist of it is I am unhappy, unmotivated and don't enjoy or look forward to anything. Am always tired and hate my life!

[Feeling_Lonely]

Hi Purple,

That is so great to hear that you have been getting some extra work. I hope that it provides with some purpose and helps to fill in the time and also provides an opportunity to mingle with people.

I feel you regarding the loneliness as that too is my biggest problem / biggest fear. It’s hard not to feel victim to isolation and consumed with the sad, negative feelings that it brings. I wish I knew what the answer was to help us both. I guess we just have to keep on trying to find things that fulfill us and make us happy and hope that by doing so we will attract people into our lives.

I think of you often and it is so pleasing to read that things are moving forward with your life, despite still having a few bumps in the road along the way. I hope that today is a great day for you 🙂

[Purple_lady1]

Hi Feeling Lonely

If you don't mind me asking what age group are you in and what do you do to relieve your loneliness? My problem is that I'm not sure whether the loneliness is causing my depression or whether I am just actually depressed, either way it is very hard to cope with and I don't want to live too long feeling like this

Purple

[Feeling_Lonely]

I’ll be 40 soon. Chronically single. No children, unlikely to have any due to my age and inability to meet someone.

The biggest thing I’m doing is trying to love, understand and accept myself. To find inner peace and happiness within myself. To learn to value and respect myself and to not accept anything less either from myself or anyone else. I’ve learnt that external factors will never fill that void.

I’m working very hard through counselling (and other self help things) to find all of the above within myself. It’s been very difficult and at times I’ve just wanted to stop trying because it seems too hard, impossible even and feeling miserable seems like a comfortable place. But I do keep on trying because i have hope for a better life.

When I’m not preaching self help to myself, I just try to keep my mind occupied so I have less time for negative, self-limiting thoughts. So reading, crosswords, yoga, walking and trying to catch up with friends when I can.

I have been trying to meet new friends through different Facebook groups and apps like meetup. It can be daunting, especially if I’m feeling really low and like I have nothing to offer. But if I can overcome the anxiety and put myself out there, I’ve had some enjoyable experiences. I don’t have high expectations of meeting new lifelong friends just yet, but it’s just a way to meet new people and try to put myself out there.

How’s the volunteering been this week?

[Purple_lady1]

Hey Feeling Lonely

We seem to have a lot in common. I do everything you do. The trouble is the loneliness comes with me. I feel very disconnected from everyone. I can't seem to fit in anywhere. I keep trying but nothing so far has filled the void I feel every single day. I may feel ok for a while but the absolute loneliness is always there. I can't fix it and I hate being alive like this. I don't know if I can fix it at all.

Purple

[Feeling_Lonely]

Hi Purple,

How are you today?

Yes, the loneliness is a killer sometimes, which is why I think it is important to try to find happiness within ourselves and to feel comfortable and content being on our own. That way we don’t rely upon external factors or other people to bring us joy and won’t feel constantly sad or disappointed when we aren’t getting that attention from them.

Unfortunately I don’t know what the magic solution is to find that comfort, happiness and inner peace within ourselves. It takes a lot of hard work to accept ourselves, forgive our past mistakes and to learn to 100% love, value and respect ourselves.

I was reading an article the other day on reflection vs rumination. It is very healthy to self reflect and learn from our mistakes and grow as a person. But rumination is when you get stuck on an issue or mistake and it becomes an unhealthy obsession, with negative emotions attached. It’s where we constantly are asking what-ifs, obsessing about the past or worrying about the future. It made me recognise within myself that I am stuck in rumination with a few elements of my life and it is preventing me from moving forward. So for now, I’m trying to change those thought patterns to more healthier ones where I can actually learn, grow and let go of the past.

I hope you’re having a good day. How’s your little doggie going?

[Purple_lady1]

Hi Feeling Lonely

I do have a past but I don't ruminate too much but I am constantly worrying about the future. This I need desperately to change. How lovely to be completely satisfied with one's own company. There was a famous man who was completely at peace with himself and lived in the now. He owned very little and loved himself, I forget his name. I should strive to be like that. Happiness within the life we have. How wonderful. You know, I want to do things but it's the old vicious circle, I lack the motivation to do anything. I think this is a big problem. If I had the motivation I could achieve more.

Purple

[monkey_magic]

Hi Purple,

Just a friendly hello checking in to see how you are going? Ive seen you around the place and thought I'd introduce myself. I'm a female in her 30's who is currently working & studying to become an occupational therapist. How was your weekend? Are you feeling any better lately?

[Feeling_Lonely]

Hey Purple,

How are you doing this week? Have you still been volunteering?

Ive been okay, I’ve come to accept that there are good days and bad days. I so know what you mean about motivation being an issue, I find that too. Once upon a time I was a highly motivated person, now I just couldn’t be bothered. Sometimes I try to set myself little goals just to try and be productive and look after myself properly, like going for a walk.

Learning not to think and just “do” sometimes works haha. Like if I manage to come home from work and change into gym clothes without thinking, I’m more likely to go. If I come home, sit down and think about it I end up talking myself out of it. Our minds are a funny thing.

Anyway, I hope you’re having a great week! Stay strong, keep smiling 🙂