New and not sure what to do

[Pysis]

Hi um I've never done anything like this so please tell me if I need to do something differnt

I'm a 18 year old male and I've been depressed for the passed 7 months or so it all started when I had to put my horse down when hiss throat closed over it was very traumatic for me and he was the second horse I'd put down in a period of three months. Then my friend was having issues with work so I was trying to support her and be there for her just checking in on her and making sure she was ok she was suffering bulling really badly in the work place. While I was trying to be there for her I got very sick with a stomach bug and was sick for over a month I lost 17kg over that period of time and ended up in hospital 3 times for a period of over a week while I was in hospital I was still helping my friend. Once I got out of hospital my friend was really strugling so I made an extra effort to help her and that's when I got really bad myself. I stated to remember repressed memories from my childhood of things my obusive father had done and stuff from me being at school and being severely bullied. up until 2 weeks ago I was coping alright but then my boss made me work on a puppet show that she was making and I wasn't getting paid for it it has been a difficult situation becuase she is also a friend and she has no idea that I have been struggling with my mental health at all. I have ended up feeling very used by my boss as I put in 7 days free work for her and missed out on seeing my grandparents who kind of replaced my dad in someways growing up and she had my camera for over a month. She has slowly demanded more from me as time has gone on and I ended up having to preform in front of people which I wasn't really up for and the whole situation has cuased me to end up where I was before in terms of my depression. I don't know why but when I get really depressed like I am I have panic attacks and end up messaging my friend who is the only person I've ever been able to talk to. She has a new job now though and is working all the time and me messaging her is causing her stress and I don't want to do that to her and she also has kids that's she's trying to be there for. I don't know how to stop myself messaging her when I have my panic attacks becuase at the moment it's the only thing that helps it makes me feel like I'm not alone. I guess what I want to ask is dose anyone have any suggestions as to what to do I'm in a remote town so getting proffesonal help is difficult.

[Guest_128]

You are doing so well,cause I'm a mum I would like to say I could squeeze you to pieces.

oh her name is just Star,cause she is.

Dory

[Pysis]

Hi Dory

thanks it means a lot.

Ok I'll call her star, you can just call me Nath if you want.

thanks again.

[Guest_128]

Sure thing Nat,oh sorry Nath,😂

[Pysis]

😄

[startingnew]

I love nature too. Its one of the things I can do in peace. I sat at the beach for 3 hours the other day just watching the waves crash on the rocks. I dont get to do it very often though.
Are you able to find anther place in nature that you could drive to and just sit on the hill or in the car or something?


Yes mental health unfortunatley still has that taboo about it and really the only way for them to understand is either through education or to experience it themselves.


Thats ok, im trying to kve on from the abuse though the memories and flashbacks come to haunt me as it was rape and quite a few times over a few months so its made me feel very different about men now. I know there are good guys out there but I still fear it, its hard for me to even sit a my gp if theres a male in the waiting room and its even worse if its only me and the other guy waiting. It doesnt matter what sort of abuse it is, it is still abuse and shouldnt be happening. Im sorry that it happened to you too.


It sounds like your father needs to move out, not you. He needs to go and be by himself and realsie how lucky he is to have a good family.

Oh zoo keeping that sounds pretty cool! Are you hoping to become a zoo keeper? maybe those ones who put on the shows as well?

[startingnew]

I draw, I draw all the time. I cant for the life of me do anything else though. I wish I could paint but I cant seem to get it so I just draw. I cant draw people either! Nature and animals seem to be the best thing to do for me. One of my drawings I did for someone- has a meaning to them- are my new avatar. You should set one of your favourite drawings or sculptures as your new avatar....
im the same, I have to be in the 'mood' to draw otherwise it makes me frustrated then makes me upset because I cant draw. If that makes sense.

The medications im on now gave me really bad sugar and chocolate cravings. Im not a sugar and sweet sort of eater by my god I think I made up for it, thank god after a week it subsided but that week was hell and now ive gotta get those few kilos ive put back on back off. Id already lsot 10kg and was at a healthy weight. Stupid tablets lol.
Aww thanks- I find whats on the inside is better than the outside but as with msot female we seem to have to hold up the physical beauty too.

Im glad your appointment went well for you, were you able to ask about seeing a psychologist- one-one I mean?
Lets hope the natural drops help you, but they wont 'fix' the problems unfortunatly.

[startingnew]

Dory- you keep making me blush, your so cute

[Guest_128]

And a STAR is born 💥

[startingnew]

omg redder than a tomato

[Pysis]

I don't have my license yet unfortunately, I was just to nervous driving mums car I was always afriad I would crash it and I couldn't drive dad car becuase the pedals were to close and I have a big foot (size 16) so I kept getting my foot cuaght in the pedals but I've bought my own ute now I saved up for a fair while and bought myself something that is big enough for me. The place I usually go is literally just down the road and before I had my op I would just go for a walk down there and spend all day down there maybe once a week it's about a 10km walk all up I just enjoy being in the bush with the birds and we have the creek run through as well so it's really relaxing. We live on a pretty big farm well it used to be anyway we had 3000 acres but now we only have 500 acres left my father pretty much drive my nan and pop to sell up and move.

yeah it's hard to move on from abuse I've spent most of my life very angry at my dad and I have spent a lot of my time at home locked in my room to try and avoid him some days I feel like a prisoner in my own home. I have a photographic memory and unfortunately I can't forget anything so it will always be there but recently I have had some repressed memories raise there heads and I haven't known how to deal with them. I know I've already said it but I am sorry that you had to go through that it really makes me ashamed to be a man sometimes. I hope someday you will be able to trust a man or at least feel comfortable enough to be around them. I hope talking to me dosent make you feel uncomfortable at all. I can kind of relate I'm not that bad but I defently am much more nervous around men than women I really don't know how to relate to other men most of the time, I really struggle with one of my friends becuase he is pretty masculine and I feel kind of intimidated my him a lot he is the nicest person you'll come across but I just can't feel safe when I'm around him.it makes it hard becuase I'm expected to do blokey stuff and be able to talk about all the stuff men talk about but I really have no idea, I much prefer to have a conversation with a female than a male I have a female friend that used to share everything with me including a lot of stuff that I guess men arnt suposed to be comfortable talking about.